blinds8

hello, I'm new to recovery and am struggling along. I am sobor two weeks and feel deep depression and anxiety over the last time I went out Drinking, It's like a sudden darkness that envelopes my soul - makes me feel guilty, ashamed, like I am burning in some metaphorical hell or being forced to suffer through this **** because of my drinking, But when will peace come??? When can I say OKAY I KNOW and not feel like the scum of the earth. How can I go about everyday knowing what I've done? Am I allowed to be entitled to happiness or is this anxiety ment to punish me? Can I be a good person with dreams and hopes like am I allowed to be a somebody with a good education and good life or will this past always come back to say NO you done this and that and NOW YOU have to pay for it again and again and again.

timzup

Can't answer any one of your questions mate but you've definately come to the right place for help. Two weeks you say? Well, all I can offer is a massive congratulation for that time sober. Hang in there mate.

Dee74

welcome - I think you'll find this place is good for support and advice, as well as venting LOL

Are you doing any program blinds8 or just on your own?
D

nandm

Welcome to SR and our newcomers forum.
:ghug
Two weeks of sobriety is an acomplishment.

Many of us here have done stupid, irrational, bad, things while drinking. But we have come to realize that what we did while drinking does not define who we are today. I found release from the guilt, shame, and lack of hope by working a program of recovery. There are many different ones. There is a list of them under the alcoholism forum. (sorry can't post link right now but will come back and do it for you just in case you don't find it).

AA happens to be the program I used to find sobriety and recovery. The 12 Steps helped relieve me of the feelings you are speaking of. There are others here who work other recovery programs and some who do not but have found sobriety and peace. I am sure some of them will be along shortly to share with you.

Do hang in there. Peace and happiness is not beyond your grasp. You can have it and do deserve it. You do not have to be the person you are when you are drunk. I can say that because I was Dr. Jekyl and You Better Run and Hide toward the end of my drinking. I never knew what insane thing I would do next but couldn't seem to stop drinking. Today I am blessed with a second chance at life.

Ananda

I relate to how you describe your feelings. I felt utterly hopeless and like the "punishment" would never end..that my life was ruined beyond repair.

Many of the people here have been willing to talk with me and walk with me through each day sober. Some things seemed to almost magically be better after only a month...other things about my life seem to continue to get me down periodically.

But I've been able to see just enough progress in myself and in others to hang in during the tough times, and on top of that .... since getting sober there have been an awful lot of good moments each day!

Keep posting and reading and let us know how it is going and let us help you on your way!:ghug

Bamboozle

Hello, blinds! Welcome to SR. Feel free to post here and read anytime you need to.

Anna

Oh yes, I was absolutely miserable in early sobriety, realizing that I had to face what a mess I'd made and how I'd hurt people. I thought I would never get over it, and I admit, it took some time. What helped me, was some advice that I got here. A wonderful lady told me to journal, to write down everything that was dark and negative. It was a struggle to start, but I did and once I started, I went on and on for months. But, each time I wrote something down, it freed me a little and I could move on.

jnj

Welcome...as I have a year under my belt...I can tell you I think the guilt will ease as you gain trust and respect back from those you hurt...that's all you can do...
Time will be the only way to prove and love and not feel so guilty again.
I"m sure you have unconditional love in your life and I know I hurt my family and loved ones and I've apologized but not as much as I should have and not in the beginning because I was afraid I'd freaking relapse and they wouldn't believe me....
I'd been to rehab before....so I didn't make any promises...or that I'd never drink again etc...I still can't say that...I hope I won't because if I do I'll die...but it's hard .....especially in the beginning...
But CONGRATS on the 2 weeks...
You can't have 2 months or 2 years with 2 minutes/ 2 days/2 hours/ 2 weeks....and if you don't take the first drink you can't take the 20th...

Give up one thing for everything or everything for one thing!
Hugs!

CarolD

Well done on your sober time!

When I finished my AA steps 4 & 5
I forgave myself of my past mistakes.

If you have not...you might want to check
out your local AA meetings.

Welcome to SR!

nogard

Welcome to SR and on your clean time

I found/find I need a prgram but also get lots of support comfort and inspiration here

Aysha

blinds8

thanks guys, I AM thinking about aa meetings, and I DID read all the posts left for me. I also adopted an aa book that was laying around this place tonight, got some insight. And I'll do my best to stick around and participate on the site aswell. Uhm... Yeah I needed to vent pretty bad my nerves were really shot earlier on my memories are coming back with a frickn vengence I've never known before.

Pilgrim

In the AA big book, what you describe is the in first couple of pages of "A vision for you"

I totally know what you mean. There is hope. I used AA as well and as Carol said, after taking the steps, those feelings left me quite quickly.

Welcome and keep posting.

Itsmytime

Welcome Blinds8,

This forum offers great support, I am on day 4 and suffering the shame and guilt as you describe. I think we do it more to ourselves as everyone else has their own stuff to think and worry about.

Take care I know the pain you are feeling. I, myself was struggling yesterday to drink, just to forget the weekend, made it through the night and am feeling so much better today.

blinds8

cool. Stay strong! yeah there's lots of people on this site that are going through stuff and i get a morbid comfort in that. I might have to start a journal or a blog to keep from bantering about this and that too. I've got loads and loads to get off my back but where to start!