nogard

Hi Tanya,

Yep, when I woke up this morning there sitting on the end of my bed was the oh so familiar dialogue.

“Morning, I have been waiting here for you, you’re a lazy bugger sleeping in on a Saturday get up and did you know you probably won’t be able to run the distance today. No wonder your on your own, people just don’t like being around a loser…”

And it gets worse if I don’t stop, tell it to bugger off and start working my program. When I struggle it always appears and I have no defence against it on my own as this is my disease, there is not point talking back to it or fighting on my own. My solution is to talk to members and to hand this over to my HP in the ways that I know how to and that works and in my 26 years of using and 23 years of being drug free its the only thing that’s has worked.

My disease will always be they’re doing push up and looking for a way to attack me but as we say today I did not feed it.

So thanks Tanya but its lifting as I am doing all of the above and am now talking to you as well. J

Working the steps gets me right with my HP, myself and the world and its time for me to reach out and do work on step 9 so I can be free forever of all the stuff that has come up recently

Kevin

tanyapmc

I got more freedom from doing 9th step amends than I did from any other step. Infact doing living amends with my parents right now is freeing too. (although a bit tiring also LOL)

Have you ever tried self affirmations Kev? Maybe you could. Everything your disease tells you tell yourself just the opposite.

Example: Your energetic vs your lazy
Your a winner vs your a loser

I hope this helps just a little. I'm here if you wanna keep talking

nogard

Thanks Tanya I have a big smile on my face right now. I am gonna be ok for today but yes I want talk to you, I want to give you a big hug.

How are you holding up?

I have done some 9th step work but there is much more I cn do, time to write some letters (carefully) and to mke ammends to those who I have laways said I hate and will never....

Interesting now that I have talked about it hear and with friends its suddenly not so daunting and I feel easier.


I am going to get showered, dressed and drive down to the beach for a run, its a lovely day.

I have never seen a hurricane, I hope you keep safe Tanya.

Kevin

gypsytears

****{Good night Tan. Bedtime hugs for you. Get hunkered at least for tonight! I'm glad your thoughts have moved away from using. That's something good!}}}

Hugs for you to Kev. I'll leave you to talk to Tan but know that I'm thinking of you too. Wish I could help more... you do have my support and friendship so don't forget that .

nogard

I am still not used to people being interested in how I am it throws me and I feel awkard, but I really apreciate it Tanya and everyone else.

Kevin

nogard

I guess I am so used to being there for others. In recovery that can be good in terms of service but I know I have to look after me as well.

Kevin

nogard

Thanks ((((GT)))) sleep well. I don't feel like using I just have to talk about this stuff in my head.

Umm I have hijacked this thread

Kevin

tanyapmc

Have a great run Kev. I hope I will be here when you get back. I will be on as long as we have power and internet service.

Interesting that you said you want to give me a big hug Kev. When I went to the meeting tonight I was thinking about how few hugs I have gotten since being away from my homegroup. So, fly on over and give me one! LOL

Thanks for stopping in Gyp. I love ya girly!

Impurrfect

(((Tanya))) - I'd be scared, too. I've been watching Ike on TV and praying for you and others in it's path. Glad using is back to being "not an option"

(((Kevin))) - I have a lot of negative self-talk in my head, too. What Tanya said does work...every time it starts, I just remind myself of something positive. It takes practice, but the folks here at SR have helped me with it a lot.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

nogard

Have been thinking about affirmations and yes I hve used them b4 but they ahve always seemed air fairy and unreal, I guess I need to keep it simple and affirm I am ok just as I am and stuff along that line. I guess liek many of us I never grew up with that inner sense of felling ok of loving myself, in fact teh opposite was mostly true apart from my Gran who kept me alive by loving me. So I do need to learn these things, learn to value myself al the time, learn to love myself,learn to be paitent and tolerant with myself.

Off to run now, then to a meeting, then dinner with freinds and then to see mummy 3 with a beautiful woman! She is a freind we come into recovery at the same time.

Kevin

Anna

Tanya,

Prayers for the safety of you and your family. :praying

Let us know how you're doing.

Rowan

Wish I could be there with you Tanny - we could play cards and talk all night while listening to Ike outside.

Horselover

No kidding - I am praying for you right now and you, your husband and house were part of our prayer at dinner tonight. That's the only time we pray together during the week. Please post so we can wake up tomorrow morning and know you're okay.

tanyapmc

So far so good. It's not here yet. Praying and trusting.

Aysha

tanyapmc

Chi, you find the greatest pics! TY

Ananda

hey tanya....hang in there and try to get some sleep!!!!

scaredykat

Tanya- Thinking of you and prayers for you, family, and friends.

tanyapmc

Hanging in there. Still have power. I screwed up the TV. It is loud and scary. Continuing to pray and trust.

Horselover

Hope you check in soon Tanya.