day 24. should be happy right? WRONG
 

Today is day 24, not the longest I have ever gone without booze, went 3 months last year. I cant seem to get in the groove of things..I feel like I am in a movie or something..like I am just going throught the motions....Suprisingly the craving to drink has not been the hardest part, but this weird out of body feeling I have..Anyone else go throught this..I know I need a sponser, but every meeting I go to, it seems like no one really makes their availability known, do I have to just walk up to everyone and ask if they are? I get suprisingly shy and anxious at meetings and find the thought of making smallish talk with the women before or after the meetings makes me not want to go at all...AHH whats wrong with me! Last time I didnt work the program which I am pretty sure is why after 3 months I started drinking again...I really want life long sobriety..I thought sober meant clarity, living in the moment, but I can stop dwelling on the past and this foggy day to day...Any wisodom out there? Thanks,

Have you tried raising your hand and letting them know that you are in need of a sponsor? Even if you mention that you need a temp. sponsor, I'm sure someone will come to your rescue.

Also, as for getting out of the funk, have you done anything to take the focus off? Even if it's just watching a movie although I think going out and doing something would be better. Get out of your head. :)

I had to do that today. I had a hard night last night and it rolled right over to my morning. I went out for a while, have my son here and we're just going to chill out together. Doing something different seems to help me. Sometimes something that isn't recovery related is best too, kwim?? Good luck!!! :)

Great advice Vegibean. I completely agree. Sometimes NOT focusing on your recovery is a good thing or you can overthink it and drive yourself more nutty. You'll get through this Lou Lou. I go up and down also at times. We're not always going to be happy campers. It's just life.

24 days is still really early Lou Lou...if you're anything like me you abused yourself for years...give your mind and body time to repair and readjust :)

Kathleens right too - sobriety is not a magic cure all - it's not a recipe for happiness, not by itself.
It's an important component in happiness but, like anything else, you get out of life what you put in...gotta work at it :)

Dunno anything about the AA stuff but it seems reasonable like Vegibean says to let it be known you want a sponsor

Good luck
D

Welcome to the "Real Alcoholic" club.

If you are a Hard Drinker and go through detox, the worst is over for you and every day gets a little easier.

If you are a Real Alcoholic" like me and go through detox, the worst is yet to come and every day gets harder.

For the hard drinker who merely had a bad drinking habit there are many psychological tricks and tips that will help them stay sober. It does not matter what type of program that they use, so long as they practice it diligently and stay motivated.

A "Real Alcoholic" must recognize that there were "root causes" that preceded drinking and must (yes - there are musts) deal with these root causes before sobriety is comfortable enough to live with.

Not drinking does not treat alcoholism.

Geez Boleo! The worst is not yet to come LouLou. :)

Even my worst days sober are still better than when I was actively drinking. Drinking = worse. Sober=better.

It could just be signs of PAWS, Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. Emotions all over the place and just feeling "weird". But yes, 24 days is a bit early in recovery. Give yourself a bit more time and see how you're feeling.

I respectfully disagree with "real alcoholics" getting worse after initial detox. I've had some rough days and nights but it is getting better with each sober day. Don't let the bad feelings trick you into drinking again tho.

:ghug3

Hang in there, the best is yet to come!:a194:


Not drinking may not "treat" alcoholism, but it DOES keep alcoholism from killing you.

Are you aware of PAWS?

Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center

For me...I began solid recovery when
I started my AA Steps.

I suggest you ask for a temporary sponsor
when you share at meetings.

Yes! you too can recover!
:hug:

The trouble I have when people come in here spruiking about real alcoholics and such like is context.

When I was a really new newcomer, I had NO idea about anything.....

I would have said - well I can't be an alcoholic...so I guess I must be a heavy drinker - I'll be able to quit later when I find some of those handy dandy psychological tricks and tips....

Insane and sad - but true. I bet I'm not alone in thinking that way.

Noone in their right mind would come here just for fun. Anybody who comes here to a place like SR has a problem, and it needs to be taken seriously and addressed, whether you conform to the Big Book model of the real alcoholic or not.

Believe what you want - but IMO everyone here has a duty to think of not only what they want to say but how it might be percieved. Put some thought into it.

:soapbox:

as for the worst is yet to come....case in point :rolleyes2

sorry for hijacking the thread Lou Lou, but I'm actually trying to get it back on track
Hope you find a sponsor soon.

D

Bostonluv;

"Even my worst days sober are still better than when I was actively drinking"

is not true for everybody. After being sober for about 6 weeks I had the gun, the bullet, the towel and the park bench all picked out to commit suicide. The look in my dog's eyes was the only thing that stopped me.

I never once consciously though of suicide while drinking, although not eating and living on 2 bottles of vodka per day was something very close to it.

I once heard Chris R give a talk about how he felt the same way. Some of us would rather be dead than live with the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Terror, frustration, bewilderment & despair).

It was not until I learned to treat my root causes that sobriety was worth having.

True sobriety rides on the coat-tails of serenity.

The point of this thread is to help LouLou get out of the slump that she is in.

I am an alcoholic and the day I stopped drinking my life became better and continued, slowly, but surely to get better.

I know it's not easy LouLou and it takes a lot of work, but you can do it. If you're dwelling on the past, try journalling. Write down your thoughts, get them out and put them down on paper. I did that, and it really helped. Yoga is also wonderful for waking up your body and helping you to feel present in the moment.

hmm...well I have given all thats been said thought and as always I appreciate your time to read and respond....I wasnt the everyday drinker, or even every week..I am the everytime I do I take it too far-blackouts etc.... Regardless, I know I need a sponser, I guess you could say my mother in law is my temporary sponser, she is 12 yrs sober...and I would ask to have her full time but I think we both know I should pick someone I am not already emotionally attatched too etc... As far as what boleo said about my figuring out the roots of my alcholism...all I know is that it runs in the family so theres one strike against me...It started out always fun when I began really drinking around 19,20yrs old...and of course I often used it to "numb a stressfull days experience" or " celebrate it being the weekend" bla bla bla...there wasnt per sey any one event that triggered my drinking.. I did attend Columbine Highschool however and was there the day of the shooting- Thank god I escaped the school but none the less have had some issues because of it. I think there is some underlying post traumatic stress going on deep inside me, but its hard for me to find a direct corrolation between the two since the shooting happened when I was 15, and I didnt really turn to booze until a few years later. I dont want to blame the shooting on my drinking problem but I have often wondered how much if any of that happening has to do with the alcholism. Does anyone know anything about post traumatic stress?

I have some issues with PTSD and I found this thread from Morning Glory terrific:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...anagement.html

Hey there LouLou,

I'm not sure how I feel about the destinction between a heavy drinker and a real alcoholic. Not sure I buy that there is a marked difference, but I respect that perspective and think the root causes of depression/anxiety/alcoholism need to be addressed in most people who have taken to heavy drinking. I was like you in that I started drinking in college for fun and to ease the awkwardness of freshman year of college.

Never connected my destructive drinking patterns with traumatic events from the past until recently. When I was a soph in high school my house got struck by lightening when I was inside of it and i watched it burn to the ground afterwards. Didn't feel much after the event itself. I also had a really intense relationship with my dad - he yelled at me and criticized me a lot.

Anyway, the point is that the events of my childhood/teenage years contributed to the anxiety i felt/feel as an young adult. So I guess they would serve as root causes. I've also faced a lot of adversity because I am an openly lesbian woman. In any case I turned to the bottle as a result of past and present stress. You might be experiencing the same thing for sure. I can't believe you were at Columbine on the day of the shootings! So glad you are okay and congrats for you sobriety :You_Rock_

lou lou yep, my sig...

"Don’t take yourself too damn seriously!"

it worked for my Hard Drinker and Real Alcoholic self...

at 24 days, and even three months i was stil shake'n the hard times loose...

then, slowly by slowly... life got better, because my reaction to it got better...

and my past was a part of my new reaction!

good wishes lou lou

rz

Hey LouLou ----

I always hesitate at telling newcomers that their lives will get 'better' if/when they give up the booze/drugs and work at recovery/sobriety.....

There's a wonderful woman from So. CA, an AA circuit speaker by the name of Patty O., and I luv what she says (paraphrased a bit here)...........:

If I (you) don't drink/pick up; I (you) won't get drunk/high; and
If I (you) don't get drunk/high, my (your) life will get.....(not better, but)....DIFFERENT....!

What I've found for me is that as my life gets different, my perception changes and I see my life as getting better.... (o:

.....now, when it comes to happiness, or being happy....? I've found that that comes from inside; outside things, and/or people can't make me happy. For me it's a decision I make, usually on a daily basis (if you'll pardon the 'scriptural' reference here.....I really love what the great psalmist had to say in Psalm 118:24 This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.). I really try to do this every morning (even if sometimes it might be in a slight growl through clenched teeth....lol).

You said, "...I really want life long sobriety..." ----- Well, do you know what 'they' say about getting 'long-term' sobriety....? Heck, it's easy; don't drink and don't die...... (o:

Keep on truckin the road of happy destiny along with us all..... (o:


NoelleR

What is it that makes it seem easier for some than others? I've wondered this a lot as I am sure many, many of us have. I only know that the "click in my brain" went off and I am not going to let myself think of any of the bad stuff right now (21 days sober so right with you LouLou) It's too early for me to be sorrowing or enjoying my time out there or all the crud in my life before sobriety.

Right now I just need to be good to myself..smell the flowers...delight in "common things"

Keep on keeping on LouLou...we're cheering for/with you:cheer

You guys, thank you.....Havent been on in a few days...cant wait to go to my monday night womens meeting tonight at seven.......you guys and gals make me feel so much better and I appreciate every single answer on this thread, all been very helpfull. Lots of love back to you all xoxo working on day 26...yay