StartedIn97

Hello, as you see on my user name it all started in 1997 well a few years before that but 1997 was the year that really began to hit my family hard. You see I don't abuse drugs but my brother does, I have been dealing with this for years and years and I have no outlet no one to speak to nothing. I am just tired of the problems he brings home, what he makes my family go through everyday without a care in the world. I've given him money my own hard earned money to help his habit, I've never cried once about it not even when he stole stuff from my own room clothes, games anything (when I was younger). I didn't cry when I tried to commit suicide and ended up in the hospital at a young age why I don't know, there has been tons of instances where I should cry but it's like I am a soldier who has seen it all stone face thousand yard stare. I am going blank at just how pissed off I am its 200 in the morning and I have work in 4 hours and I am here typing on a forum I just joined asking for help I just don't know what to do anymore. I hope someone can give me support tell me what I should do even though I am not the one abusing drugs. I told him just go to bed don't go out it's 2 in the morning, you cant wait a few hours, no, i dunno. I am just typing here as things come to mind. Well I am off now please someone give me some advice I don't know where else to turn anymore....

-J

ANGELINA243

Welcome...glad you are here--sorry to hear about what you are going through. I know it must be tough...but you have no control over your brother--just yourself (and I know how powerless that must feel at times). I don't have all the answers--but I do know a few others that can help you better than I can. I would suggest that you either make another post or cut/paste this one and put it in the Friends/Family substance abuse forum as well. In the meantime--maybe you will get some more responses here....just want you to know that you are not alone. Keep posting and reaching out....

Aysha

Probably something you dont want to hear...STOP GIVING HIM MONEY.
Stop enabling him. Your not helping him by doing it.
I had to be left in my own misery to wake up.
I had lots of help to kill myself slowly from my grams for many years.
Not her fault. She loves me. And in her eyes it was better to give me money than me do stupid stuff to get it.
She never said anyhting about me getting high in the house. At least she knew where I was.
That was a crackheads dream for me.
Well all that stopped. And not until she said no more. Get it together or get out. Then I decided to do something about it.
I will never know what someone like you or my grams goes through with people like me.
But I do know. You need to look out for yourself and stop enabling.
Glad you are here.

StartedIn97

Chynita, what you said in your post is exactlly what is going on. If we don't give him money he threatns to do something in order to go get his crack. As you said we don't him to get into anymore trouble so we give him money. "a cracksheads dream" as you put it. I/we just don't know what to do my mother crying every moment of the say is driving me insane ontop of the arguments an what not. My gramma begging us to give him money.. Me finding his "tools of the trade" baggies and things laying around just brings back memories that I don't want. When I was youner I would find dime bags and stuff put them inside of an envelope and label them evidence to try to tell my mom look with he's doing. Sorry again I'm jus rambling on. I'm off to work now thank you both for responding so quickly.

-J
PS-Sorry for my mistakes in post am on my phone.

parentrecovers

hey started,

nice to meet you, and thanks for reaching out. my daughter is an alcoholic/addict, so i can relate in many ways to your post.

i don't give my daughter a penny of cash. i help her some with groceries, a bus pass, etc. not never cash. it enables her addiction, and i try not to have any part of that.

i go to alanon meetings and it helps me a lot.

you have choices about how you live your life. take care of YOU. and hands off the addict - you can't control him.

hugs, k

StartedIn97

I wish it was that simple it's tough, I am 21 y/o and have been going with this routine since I was 9 or 10 even younger possibly. I have said no I even tried saying I would disown him and he just shook his head and asked can I still have the 20 dollars.... The thing is he was clean for a year and it's like a pattern he relapses every time. The only bonus was having him home for my birthday and for christmas for the first time in 8 years. I just wish I could do something. I to used to go to ALANON I meant some great people but I dunno I guess I have stage fright and rather do this on the internet where I am atleast somewhat anonymous and no one can see me...

That's another thing if we help him with bus passes and what not he still will want money and if he dosen't get his way he does something stupid and risks bad things happening to him.

On second thought, I may start to go to ALANON meetings again when I can and continue to speak with all of you here. I appreciate everyone trying to help me out without even knowing me it really shows that I am not alone in this again I just wish there was something I could do.

Well I am going to go for now.

Speak with you guys/gals another day.

-J

least

He has to find his own "bottom" and he has to want to quit using. No one can make him want to get clean. He has to want to for himself. Please seek support for yourself. I know it's hard but sometimes we just have to 'let go' and let the person find their own way. Do'nt enable him anymore with money or whatever. This is his journey, if he wants to take it.

I wish you the best!

:ghug3