Crystal83

Thanx Everyone for your concern and being here.

To answer all of your question, I should be in the hospital to get surgery in my jaw. I have an infection that anti-biotics aren't working for. I don't trust strangers with my children though so I'm out of luck.

Today is yet another hard day that I wish I could just go to sleep and have everything be the way it was 9 months ago. I don't sleep and so I have no energy to clean my house or anything. I'm going crazy. Everything I did 9months ago seems to be gone. No matter what I do I can't seem to get back to the way I was so that I can juggle my kids, my addiction, the house, the pets, my depression, mouth pain and insomniaall at once. I feel like a mental case. All these things I've had for years (except the mouth pain) and have always delt with. Whenever things got out of hand I just talked to my husband and he always seemed to make me feel better. I don't know how to fill that whole. I'm starting to think there isn't a way to, since it's been 9months and I still haven't. I really want to be the woman and mother I was before my husband got sent away and I just can't seem to be...that's making things even worse. Makes me want to use even more. I just don't know anymore.

vegibean

Sounds to me like you need to go lay down and be quiet for a minute. I know with kids it's hard but see if maybe you can get everyone laid on the bed snuggling with something entertaining for all to enjoy. I tell my kids if I need a break and let them know I just need a time out. I hope you're feeling better soon. :ghug

kj3880

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time...can you get to a meeting this evening at all?
KJ

Crystal83

My kids are only 3 and 12months so they don't really understand mommy needing time out. I try to get some time but it doesn't usuallywork with them being so young. Thank you

Crystal83

If I could get to a meeting awould but I have both of my children and I can't fand any meetings that allow children. My kids are very young yet so they would never be quiet for a meeting. Thank You


ps

does anybody know how to reply to the person that left you a reply. I can't figure it out

Horselover

Hi Crystal83 - I have an idea, but its not an AA meeting or NA meeting. What if you hooked up with some other Moms? I belonged to a group of Moms that met 2xs a month and other times in between to just socialize and maybe do a craft. The craft is something we do because we can complete it during the meeting and its kind of satisfying as a Mom to complete anything! I think you need some friends that maybe you can share your struggles with. Any ways, the group I have gone to is M.O.P.S. (Mothers of Preschoolers). Our group has sitters so the Moms don't have to watch the kids while they are there. Its truly a break. Oh and one other thing - its Christian based. So you will have some of that also. Its an idea. There's nothing worse then isolation. Here's a link to them - MOPS International - Mothers of Preschoolers

You should be able to search for a chapter near you. I understand the not being able to do things because you have kids. I have been there and that's why this was a good option for me and plus I have made some very good friends through it.

Anna

Crystal,

I learned something when I began to recovery. I learned that I should have taken care of myself during those years when I put myself last. I thought I was doing the right thing by always being there for my family, and in the end I was a lost, empty soul. It sounds like that is what you're doing with your health. You have pain and an infection that you need to take care of. I hope you will find a way to look after yourself.

Aysha

Theres got to be something you can do.
If you get sick from this infection. Theres not a whole lot you will be able to do for your kids anyway. Or if you get to the point where you do give in. Which I hope and pray you dont.
Dont you have any friends or family around? Not trying to pry. But you need to take care of yourself too.
Like when a plane is going down and the oxygen masks come down. They tell you to put your mask on before assisiting anyone else. Because your not going to be of any help to anyone else if you cant breathe either.
I dont know...I dont have kids. And I am single. So I really dont know what its like.
But I do know. Nothing stands without a good foundation and support.

Crystal83

I have some family but they don't help. They are all about there needs. They don't think it matters that my husband is gone. ex: When my daughter says she misses them they tell her to get over it and stop (she is 3). They aren't the type to think about how other ppl may be feeling or dealing with things. I have an apt on the 30th to have surgery so that I don't go into the ER and they aren't even willing to watch my kids for that. I am trying to take care of both my children and myself but there always seems to be something standing in my way. Another reason why I feel like using, then I wouldn't care so much.

I don't have many friends. The few I do have are not ready to take care of two children on their own or two extra chuildren not their own. I was using till I found out I was pregnant and dropped all the friends that I had cause they also used. So since I got pregnant my whole life has been about my family. I'm not good at making friends and it seems the friends I choose always seem to come with drama that I can't have my own children around. Idk what it is with me and ppl who need help. I always atract them. I help them as well as I can but they are never able to help me. I guess I don't do good in the finding friends field.

Aysha

I know how you feel with the friends thing. All the people I know. I wouldnt even call them friends are all in the drug scene somehow. I wouldnt trust them with themselves let alone kids.
See my post in your latest thread.