Help, please
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
People in AA used to tell me that I could get off "the"elevator" on any floor and the lower I went down, the worse it would be and the bottom floor is death. I am stubborn and was just like you 4 & 1/2 short months ago. I had to get a DUI and sit in a jail cell to finally hit my bottom. I hope you don't have to go through all that sh!t to hit your bottom but you might. Just remember that you don't have to drink. I wish you well and hope you can live a sober and happy life.
(((HUGS)))
(((HUGS)))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
2 days is 2 days so let's just put this in perspective. Get back up. Least said it best/simply what you need to do to move forward.
Just wanted you to know that I support you and hope you will continue on. Felly being a very good example of someone who slipped and then graciously got back up and battled again.
Now get to work!!! :codiepolice
-Kathleen
Just wanted you to know that I support you and hope you will continue on. Felly being a very good example of someone who slipped and then graciously got back up and battled again.
Now get to work!!! :codiepolice
-Kathleen
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Least and BL have it right - don't let this be an excuse to wallow - you'll end up drinking again.
You did what we all do, or used to do - obviously, for whatever reason - the romance of the good times maybe - this time you went back.
There are no good times anymore. We've all passed that - no matter whether we like it or not.
Work against the rose coloured glasses for next time and start over.
welcome back
D
You did what we all do, or used to do - obviously, for whatever reason - the romance of the good times maybe - this time you went back.
There are no good times anymore. We've all passed that - no matter whether we like it or not.
Work against the rose coloured glasses for next time and start over.
welcome back
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Kathleen-LOL.You make me laugh!
Why do I suddenly feel responsible for this attitude?
Wonderful!
DG-you can do it!Get back up-keep going.There is nothing back there for you as you just found out.It tastes like sh*t and it doesn't make you feel good.The love affair is over hon.Sorry.It's gone and you'll never get it back.
You're worth more anyway.'He' (the alcohol) was a jerk and never loved you....he lied to you.
Julesxox
Why do I suddenly feel responsible for this attitude?
Wonderful!
DG-you can do it!Get back up-keep going.There is nothing back there for you as you just found out.It tastes like sh*t and it doesn't make you feel good.The love affair is over hon.Sorry.It's gone and you'll never get it back.
You're worth more anyway.'He' (the alcohol) was a jerk and never loved you....he lied to you.
Julesxox
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Eh? :)
Posts: 1,410
Thank you everyone for your posts!
I feel like it is a CONSTANT nag in my head: drink drink drink drink. It feels like if there was someone sitting on a hot pipe...not hot enough to burn, but hot enough to hurt and they could ignore it with effort...but darn if they don't want to get off that pipe and make it stop!!! My NOT drinking is like sitting on the hot pipe. It's manageable with soooo much effort to ignore it....but it's a relief to just let go and not be constantly fighting it, ya know?!
I had one glass last night....vodka. My best-friend was there and he just said, "I wish you didn't"...and I felt such shame. I didn't get another, went to bed, but it was only because of shame that I stopped.
I feel like it is a CONSTANT nag in my head: drink drink drink drink. It feels like if there was someone sitting on a hot pipe...not hot enough to burn, but hot enough to hurt and they could ignore it with effort...but darn if they don't want to get off that pipe and make it stop!!! My NOT drinking is like sitting on the hot pipe. It's manageable with soooo much effort to ignore it....but it's a relief to just let go and not be constantly fighting it, ya know?!
I had one glass last night....vodka. My best-friend was there and he just said, "I wish you didn't"...and I felt such shame. I didn't get another, went to bed, but it was only because of shame that I stopped.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
Now that the love is gone...........
You're reminding me that it's still the same, isn't it? That the obsession with it starts with one lousy not-worth-it-drink. Back to Square One with the cravings, the lust and the "hot pipe." The shame. I hope you'll STOP. 
I was thinking last night (as we all sometimes do) about moderating my drinking. For the billionith time. Even imagined posting it and seeing others at the end of their computer screens shaking their heads and bitterly laughing at my nonsense. As if I am so much smarter than anyone else on here and can find a way to go back and make if nice again. Make it safe/comfortable and pleasant. Jules is right. It's a love affair gone sour and going back just makes it all the more sad.
I was thinking last night (as we all sometimes do) about moderating my drinking. For the billionith time. Even imagined posting it and seeing others at the end of their computer screens shaking their heads and bitterly laughing at my nonsense. As if I am so much smarter than anyone else on here and can find a way to go back and make if nice again. Make it safe/comfortable and pleasant. Jules is right. It's a love affair gone sour and going back just makes it all the more sad.
Perfectly Flawed
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Republic of Yorkshire
Posts: 481
I reckon your head's screwed on right, DG. You've drunk yet you've jumped straight onto the msg. boards.
I've only managed something akin to that twice, most times the guilt, recrimination and stuff I might have done or said whilst drunk or in blackout, well, they need blotting out and there's a lifelong, tried and tested way of temporarily blotting stuff out that I know of and that's to drink some more. Hell.
You're getting there and each slip with a subsequent jump back onto the wagon, makes you stronger and less likely that it'll happen again. (Though it might not feel like it now).
It took me a while before the big, red, flashing and electrified, 'F***it! button' got too painful to press.
I've only managed something akin to that twice, most times the guilt, recrimination and stuff I might have done or said whilst drunk or in blackout, well, they need blotting out and there's a lifelong, tried and tested way of temporarily blotting stuff out that I know of and that's to drink some more. Hell.
You're getting there and each slip with a subsequent jump back onto the wagon, makes you stronger and less likely that it'll happen again. (Though it might not feel like it now).
It took me a while before the big, red, flashing and electrified, 'F***it! button' got too painful to press.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
DG don't beat your self up, grab a piece of paper and draw a line down the center of it.
On the left side write down what you were doing to stay sober those 50 days.
Now look at that list and honestly ask your self was there anything I quit doing? If there is then you may want to start doing them again.
On the right side of the paper write down the things other people that are staying sober are doing that you are not doing.
Now if you found nothing on the left side that you stopped doing then maybe you need to look at that right side list of what other people who are staying sober are doing to stay sober and then ask yourself:
If you answer with a yes to that question then start doing at least one of the things on the right side of the paper.
If you saw 1,000 people getting rich by stacking bricks on top of each other and you were poor because you were laying the bricks end to end would you keep stacking the bricks end to end or would you follow the example of rich people and start stacking the bricks on top of each other?
I spent a lot of years drunk trying to stay sober doing it my way, once I was able to admit to myself that my way of staying sober did not work, I became willing to try ways of staying sober that worked for other people, and it worked for me as well. I will say that it was not easy for me to do it the way other people did it, but I can not knock it, because it worked for me too!
On the left side write down what you were doing to stay sober those 50 days.
Now look at that list and honestly ask your self was there anything I quit doing? If there is then you may want to start doing them again.
On the right side of the paper write down the things other people that are staying sober are doing that you are not doing.
Now if you found nothing on the left side that you stopped doing then maybe you need to look at that right side list of what other people who are staying sober are doing to stay sober and then ask yourself:
"Am I really willing to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober more then I am willing to chance drinking again?"
If you saw 1,000 people getting rich by stacking bricks on top of each other and you were poor because you were laying the bricks end to end would you keep stacking the bricks end to end or would you follow the example of rich people and start stacking the bricks on top of each other?
I spent a lot of years drunk trying to stay sober doing it my way, once I was able to admit to myself that my way of staying sober did not work, I became willing to try ways of staying sober that worked for other people, and it worked for me as well. I will say that it was not easy for me to do it the way other people did it, but I can not knock it, because it worked for me too!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 16
DG, so sorry to hear you are down. I found this online and it might make you feel a little bit better.
A Lapse Does Not Have To Be A Relapse
A lapse does not cancel out the real changes I have made in my life. I do not have to go all the way back to where I started.
It is important for me not to confuse feelings with facts. For example, just because I feel hopeless does not mean that my life is hopeless.
I need to look at the situation as a learning experience. If I can identify what went wrong, I am more likely to succeed with my plans in the future.
Resist all-or-nothing thinking. I do not have to be 100 percent successful or consistent in order to make a positive difference in my life. Often, the fact that I am attempting to change is a sign of progress in itself, regardless of the outcome.
I need to identify the coping strategies that have worked best for me.
A Lapse Does Not Have To Be A Relapse
A lapse does not cancel out the real changes I have made in my life. I do not have to go all the way back to where I started.
It is important for me not to confuse feelings with facts. For example, just because I feel hopeless does not mean that my life is hopeless.
I need to look at the situation as a learning experience. If I can identify what went wrong, I am more likely to succeed with my plans in the future.
Resist all-or-nothing thinking. I do not have to be 100 percent successful or consistent in order to make a positive difference in my life. Often, the fact that I am attempting to change is a sign of progress in itself, regardless of the outcome.
I need to identify the coping strategies that have worked best for me.
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Hey, DG...not much for me to add...just pick yourself up and keep trying. Please don't tear yourself to pieces...consider it a learning experience and move on.
Thank you for having the courage to admit your slip-up. The last time I slipped up I didn't have the guts to post here. Shame on me.
You will get through this. Try to take it easy. :ghug2
Thank you for having the courage to admit your slip-up. The last time I slipped up I didn't have the guts to post here. Shame on me.
You will get through this. Try to take it easy. :ghug2
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: HIGHLANDS
Posts: 121
i think that as long as you learned from your relapse its not that bad just a stumble. i did the same thing after almost a month of no substances. and i learned that i'm just not in control.
but there is from now foward. i can move ahead from this point on. i'm a hard case, i feel bad for my drug counsler , she really has her work cut out for her. when you fall down get back up!:codiepolice
but there is from now foward. i can move ahead from this point on. i'm a hard case, i feel bad for my drug counsler , she really has her work cut out for her. when you fall down get back up!:codiepolice
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Originally Posted by bostonluv 
I was thinking last night (as we all sometimes do) about moderating my drinking. For the billionith time.
(Yes-I will kick your ass-LOL)
DG-I have nothing more to add really.You KNOW it's over. And that shame?It'll just keep getting worse.You have the power to stop doing this to yourself.I hope you get serious soon.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: coastal SC
Posts: 68
Originally Posted by dancinggirl
I had one glass last night....vodka. My best-friend was there and he just said, "I wish you didn't"...and I felt such shame. I didn't get another, went to bed, but it was only because of shame that I stopped.
I had one glass of wine TONITE. Only after a couple of days!! I felt powerful at first. Like I did it because I wanted control. Then I admitted it to my hubby and felt that same shame. Like I'm ruining the family's life because I chose to have a glass. There is still a bottle of white down there in the fridge but I choose not to drink it mostly because I am ashamed of myself. I guess tomorrow is another day. I don't like dealing with this AT ALL!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
I just want to suggest you tip the rest of that bottle out.I know you have the 'choice' not to drink it?But it's early recovery and I know for me I could no more have resisted drinking the rest of it than fly.I can't have any alcohol in my house even now and doubt I ever will.
Why make it harder than it already is?
Just a thought.
Jules.
Why make it harder than it already is?
Just a thought.
Jules.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 1,340
Amen, Jules. All the alcohol had to go... if it was there, I was gonna drink it. I thought I was keeping it around to prove that I was stronger than the desire to drink, but then when SO and I dumped it all out, my feelings of horror told me I had been holding on to those bottles for a rainy day. And it rains often in Louisiana 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
Promise me you'll run this idea past me first-before you actually do it.We'll 'talk'....
(Yes-I will kick your ass-LOL)
(Yes-I will kick your ass-LOL)
Teasing...I'm fine - focus on the ones who need it Jules...God, I love bossing you around and being so far away that I can actually get away with it!
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