Omg
 

Well this is the second time I'm posting this...the first time as soon as I finished my Internet went nutts and closed its self. That's really annoying.


Anyway...


I am still clean! I don't know how, but I am. I feel a lil better today, my body doesn't seem completely detached for once. In the last 5yrs that I've been clean, not one day has gone by that I haven't though of using but I've always been able to keep it in check. I don't know how to do that these days. I know that I can't wait till January so that my life can get back to the way it used to be. I'm still in a lot of pain and have no way of dealing with it. I need to be in the hospital but I refuse to leave my kids with strangers and I have nobody to watch them. I know that I'm walking a fine line right now but atlease I haven't used.


:skillet

Hi Crystal,

I was worried about you - so thanks for checking in.

Why do you need to be in hospital?

I'm so sorry you're struggling - 5 years clean is a miracle, but I'm so sorry that the compulsion to pick up hasn't left.

I'm here if you need to talk.

Hi Crystal,

I also wonder why you need to be in the hospital?

Take care of yourself today and let us know how you're doing.

I can understand how you feel. RIght now, a short stay at the hospital sounds almost like a vacation, but I don't have time. I have 3 children, one is in a wheelchair and takes special care. I have no one to take care of them for me. It's just me. Honestly, I don't have time to go through all this withdrawl and crap trying to stay sober. But we are strong women! Even if we have used crutches all this time, we CAN walk without them!

Stay strong!:ghug2