winwin

You never know- I know just how you feel. I am also a professional person and I THINK no one knows I have a problem. Maybe that is just some dream I thought up. I just hate who I have become from drinking. I am now sober for many weeks and I just quit counting. I am just focused on trying to get better and stay sober. Hopefully the day will come when you wake up and say I am going to do it. It took a long time for me also but I kept trying. I lost everything in my life even my husband of 35 years (he passed over). He didn't die of anything attached to alcohol but he kept telling me that I had a problem. I just kept drinking my sorrow away until one day I had to say that it was enough. Today I am on the right track but I took many detours.

Good luck on your journey. Just know that there are people here to support you. Please PM me if you aqre having trouble or just need to talk.

youdneverknow

As I sit here thinking... I've realized more... Ive also noticed that Ive pushed everyone away... I'm not the open, full of life person that I was... my boyfriend doesnt even know me anymore... we're not as close at we used to be... b/c Im always drinking and try to keep a distance b/c of they way I smell... believe me... theres a smell!!! I realized every morning he would say "oooooooooooooh youre stinky"... and I kno that smelling someone whos been drinking all night the next morning... OOOOF... and thats what he wakes up to every morning... who wants to come home to that... and wake up to it??? But he still loves me and cuddles and wants to be with me all the time. The funny thing is... I have a "fear" of bad breath & body odor... but i smell like a drunk... but yet I judge people who are just like me... hypocrite...

Of course we're not close for other reasons too... Ive lost ALL self confidence about myself (mostly because Ive gained about 15 lbs and lost ALL muscle (I worked out everyday) ... and pride in myself... I was a completely different person when we met and I often ask myself why he stays with me... Ive lost my sex drive... but when we met, it was NEVER as high as it was when I was with him... I used to be very dependable, responsible, punctual... all of these characteristics of the REAL me have been lost... who am I???

I have to find myself again or else Im going to lose rmy life and the person I want to spend the rest of it with!

Anna

When I began recovery, I was lost. I had spent three years drinking my life away. But, in all the years before that, I didn't deal with issues in my life. I pushed everything down and did what I believed I should do.

Mia Farrow wrote a book about her life called "What Falls Away". I thought it was such an intriguing and curious title. That's how I felt when I started recovery. Almost everything I had believed about myself in my pre-drinking years had fallen away. Things I had believed to be true, were not true. I was shaken apart from the inside out and I had no idea what I would find. It was scary and interesting. Of course not all of the things I found out about myself were positive, so then came the idea of acceptance. This is who I am.

AnonyGrrl

I know where you are at. I can relate to alot of it.
I dont know what else to say except I hear you and I understand you.
This is my first post here.

GrouchoTheCat

Welcome AnonyGrrl !!

Glad you found us.

Grab a cup of coffee and hang around a while.

'Da Cat

Pixy1

Ditto! I'm in a very simmilar place.

You will get lots of support here, stick around :ghug3