My dad's an alcoholic
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 482
My dad's an alcoholic
I have had drinks tonight (i'm sorry). I called my dad to pick me up from the bar. He picked me up, and when we got to my house I asked him to come inside with me because I wanted to talk to him. I told him that I'm alcholic (it took a few goes to get the words out). He told me he already knew.
My dad said that he is an alcoholic. I never ever knew. He said he's been to AA meetings and has struggled with this. He said when he was living in Sydney he'd get lunch break from 11am. He'd go to the pub and not come back to work. Once we moved here (to the town we live in now) he made a promise to himself to not drink during work hours. I never, ever thought my dad was the kind of person - the kind of person that I am - to NEED to make that sort of promise. He said he worked through it.
I asked my dad if he was still drinking while we were kids. He said Yes, but he hid it well. It's funny, because I never remember my dad drinking. But I do remember being terrified of him. Being so scared to wake him up or do anything wrong. I never connected this with alcohol.
We had a great talk. We talked about why he left my mum (they got back together) and how he is these days. The most horrible part was looking at him, sitting on my couch, and for the first time ever seeing him as an old man. As someone who has regrets and lost hopes.
I can't really explain how this is for me. I never ever saw my dad as weak. He;s my hero. I'm blessed to have a dad who loves me so, so much. I was shocked to hear that he'd been to AA. I was shocked to hear that he had to make himself stop drinking during work hours because he was an addict. I was shocked that he wasn't shocked when I told him I'm an alcoholic. I always thought that I was the stain on my lovely family. I always thought that no one would love me once they know what I was. And here is my dad. My hero. And he did it. He felt what I feel, he dealt with the urges I get. And he did it and is the most wonderful person in the world to me. My dad - the man who falls asleep while watching the 8 o clock news. My dad who can tell you the best way to hold a golf club, my dad who loves my mum even though she is obese (he left her acouple year ago. I asked him about it tonight - he said that work was a huge factor, but the biggest thing is that my mum gave up on herself).
I asked him to tell mum for me. He gave me a hug and said "how about you tell mum, and I'll be there with you."
I can't even describe how wonderful tonight was. I love my dad so much. When the ferret thing happened yesterday all I could think of was crawling up with mum. I went to their house and she was lodged in her chair. She didn't even acknkowledge me. It hurt to be honest. But I went into the kitchen and my dad hugged me while I cried. I love him so much.
My dad said that he is an alcoholic. I never ever knew. He said he's been to AA meetings and has struggled with this. He said when he was living in Sydney he'd get lunch break from 11am. He'd go to the pub and not come back to work. Once we moved here (to the town we live in now) he made a promise to himself to not drink during work hours. I never, ever thought my dad was the kind of person - the kind of person that I am - to NEED to make that sort of promise. He said he worked through it.
I asked my dad if he was still drinking while we were kids. He said Yes, but he hid it well. It's funny, because I never remember my dad drinking. But I do remember being terrified of him. Being so scared to wake him up or do anything wrong. I never connected this with alcohol.
We had a great talk. We talked about why he left my mum (they got back together) and how he is these days. The most horrible part was looking at him, sitting on my couch, and for the first time ever seeing him as an old man. As someone who has regrets and lost hopes.
I can't really explain how this is for me. I never ever saw my dad as weak. He;s my hero. I'm blessed to have a dad who loves me so, so much. I was shocked to hear that he'd been to AA. I was shocked to hear that he had to make himself stop drinking during work hours because he was an addict. I was shocked that he wasn't shocked when I told him I'm an alcoholic. I always thought that I was the stain on my lovely family. I always thought that no one would love me once they know what I was. And here is my dad. My hero. And he did it. He felt what I feel, he dealt with the urges I get. And he did it and is the most wonderful person in the world to me. My dad - the man who falls asleep while watching the 8 o clock news. My dad who can tell you the best way to hold a golf club, my dad who loves my mum even though she is obese (he left her acouple year ago. I asked him about it tonight - he said that work was a huge factor, but the biggest thing is that my mum gave up on herself).
I asked him to tell mum for me. He gave me a hug and said "how about you tell mum, and I'll be there with you."
I can't even describe how wonderful tonight was. I love my dad so much. When the ferret thing happened yesterday all I could think of was crawling up with mum. I went to their house and she was lodged in her chair. She didn't even acknkowledge me. It hurt to be honest. But I went into the kitchen and my dad hugged me while I cried. I love him so much.
Turning it all around
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 330
Wow!
Forever, you are in great hands. Talk about a support group! Your dad is a wonderful human being, so caring and full of love. Your dad is not weak and never was. Alcohol is stronger than all of us. It looks for a way in and when it gets there, it latches on like grim death. It sneaks up on you slowly and before you know it, it's a part of you. Gather all the negative associated with it and use it to empower yourself to just simply leave it alone. If you need help, in addition to your wonderful dad, this is the place! The people here give me strength each day to move forward and experience life as it was intended, sober! Prayers
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Grants Pass, Oregon
Posts: 137
Originally Posted by ForeverDecember 
My dad said that he is an alcoholic. I never ever knew. He said he's been to AA meetings and has struggled with this. He said when he was living in Sydney he'd get lunch break from 11am. He'd go to the pub and not come back to work. Once we moved here (to the town we live in now) he made a promise to himself to not drink during work hours. I never, ever thought my dad was the kind of person - the kind of person that I am - to NEED to make that sort of promise. He said he worked through it.
We had a great talk. We talked about why he left my mum (they got back together) and how he is these days. The most horrible part was looking at him, sitting on my couch, and for the first time ever seeing him as an old man. As someone who has regrets and lost hopes.
I can't really explain how this is for me. I never ever saw my dad as weak. He;s my hero. I'm blessed to have a dad who loves me so, so much. I was shocked to hear that he'd been to AA. I was shocked to hear that he had to make himself stop drinking during work hours because he was an addict. I was shocked that he wasn't shocked when I told him I'm an alcoholic. I always thought that I was the stain on my lovely family. I always thought that no one would love me once they know what I was. And here is my dad. My hero. And he did it. He felt what I feel, he dealt with the urges I get. And he did it and is the most wonderful person in the world to me. My dad - the man who falls asleep while watching the 8 o clock news. My dad who can tell you the best way to hold a golf club, my dad who loves my mum even though she is obese (he left her acouple year ago. I asked him about it tonight - he said that work was a huge factor, but the biggest thing is that my mum gave up on herself).
I can't even describe how wonderful tonight was. I love my dad so much. But I went into the kitchen and my dad hugged me while I cried. I love him so much.
We had a great talk. We talked about why he left my mum (they got back together) and how he is these days. The most horrible part was looking at him, sitting on my couch, and for the first time ever seeing him as an old man. As someone who has regrets and lost hopes.
I can't really explain how this is for me. I never ever saw my dad as weak. He;s my hero. I'm blessed to have a dad who loves me so, so much. I was shocked to hear that he'd been to AA. I was shocked to hear that he had to make himself stop drinking during work hours because he was an addict. I was shocked that he wasn't shocked when I told him I'm an alcoholic. I always thought that I was the stain on my lovely family. I always thought that no one would love me once they know what I was. And here is my dad. My hero. And he did it. He felt what I feel, he dealt with the urges I get. And he did it and is the most wonderful person in the world to me. My dad - the man who falls asleep while watching the 8 o clock news. My dad who can tell you the best way to hold a golf club, my dad who loves my mum even though she is obese (he left her acouple year ago. I asked him about it tonight - he said that work was a huge factor, but the biggest thing is that my mum gave up on herself).
I can't even describe how wonderful tonight was. I love my dad so much. But I went into the kitchen and my dad hugged me while I cried. I love him so much.
I'm so happy for that special moment with your dad. From your description, your mom is sounds numb and empty inside. Maybe something like a spontaneous shoulder massage while she sits in her chair would be a start.
It's a long story, but my dad committed suicide in December many years ago. It was in Minnesota and the ground was too frozen to dig a grave and we ended up having his service Christmas Eve. You still have a mother who is alive and available. It will probably take alot of effort, but I recommend trying to build some kind of a relationship because the day will come when you have no parents to reach out to. Then you will have the sadness and regrets that you described seeing in your dad. Or you will wish you could talk to your mom just one more time.
Thank you again for your post. As Alkies,Addicts whatever- all we think about is ourselves and our needs/wants. I've known many people to drunk or hungover or whatever to attend a parent's funeral and they never forgive themselves.
Seriously Fun!
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California coast
Posts: 415
Doesn't it feel great to be understood? And not alone afterall.
My Dad will be celebrating 30 years of sobriety next month. And he has been very helpful in my recovery. I am very grateful he came back in my life as an adult. He is human, and he does have flaws...but I love him very much.
I have learned to accept my Mom the way she is...and once I gave up "needing" her love and acceptance so much...it then came to me.
Congratulations on taking such a big and important step.
Peace!
My Dad will be celebrating 30 years of sobriety next month. And he has been very helpful in my recovery. I am very grateful he came back in my life as an adult. He is human, and he does have flaws...but I love him very much.
I have learned to accept my Mom the way she is...and once I gave up "needing" her love and acceptance so much...it then came to me.
Congratulations on taking such a big and important step.
Peace!
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Oh, Forever, your post brought tears to my eyes.
I can not IMAGINE telling my parents. Either one of them. To have that support and understanding is just ... fabulous. Thank you very much for sharing that with us. Cling to it. Use it to your advantage.
I can not IMAGINE telling my parents. Either one of them. To have that support and understanding is just ... fabulous. Thank you very much for sharing that with us. Cling to it. Use it to your advantage.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,507
Hi Forever - that was lovely & sad at the same time. Half the battle is having someone to understand what you're going through. No more secrets - you can be open about the problem and share recovery with your dad if he wants to. Maybe you can both inspire your mom to do something about her addiction to food. It can be a new day for your whole family - there's still time to turn everything around. I'm looking forward to hearing about your journey. Love, Joanie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 482
Thank you all for your replies! In the sober light of day I know I'm going to feel a bit weird next time I see dad. But it's good - someone who knows. Telling mum will be weird - but I've told her worse things before. And at least I'm not pregnant lol I could see that running accross my dad's face when he sat on the couch.
Thanks to you all again, and vegibean - that post gave me a good chuckle, thanks
Thanks to you all again, and vegibean - that post gave me a good chuckle, thanks
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 811
My parents were here this weekend and we went to our cabin. It was supposed to be a restful, fun time with the grandkids. My dad is also an alcoholic and after several drinks he likes to talk politics. He got into an argument with my husband and told him to pull his head out of his a** (because they have different views). My husband very graciously said, "you cannot talk to me like this and lets change the subject" which my father continued to rant and rave...what a great way to start.
Once at the cabin we were all drinking, I tried to talk to my dad about my problem, but he was a little too drunk. Then I tried to sit down with my mom who has absolutely NO TOLERANCE, cuz she has had to deal with my dad all these years. Well I guess it was wrong to tell her I had a problem, cuz then she kept trying to tell me I didn't, and I was half drunk at the time and I said Look at me, I am an alcoholic. Well, she then went off on me telling me what a horrible mother I was that I would drink in front of my kids...blah, blah, blah to the point that I had to get up and say, "Obviously I can't talk to you about this" I was crying my eyes out because I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO SAY ITS OKAY AND LETS FIGURE THIS OUT!!!. I woke up the next day thinking, "oh crap this is not good... but my mom did not say another word all weekend about it. NOT ONE WORD. It's like this whole conversation never happened. In fact I took the kids to a theme park and when we got back she told me what a great mom I was to spend the whole day in the rain riding rollercoasters that scare the jeebies out of me. She never said anything! It's like the curse that everybody just wants to go away!
Okay I feel better. Thanks for listening (reading)!:chatter
Once at the cabin we were all drinking, I tried to talk to my dad about my problem, but he was a little too drunk. Then I tried to sit down with my mom who has absolutely NO TOLERANCE, cuz she has had to deal with my dad all these years. Well I guess it was wrong to tell her I had a problem, cuz then she kept trying to tell me I didn't, and I was half drunk at the time and I said Look at me, I am an alcoholic. Well, she then went off on me telling me what a horrible mother I was that I would drink in front of my kids...blah, blah, blah to the point that I had to get up and say, "Obviously I can't talk to you about this" I was crying my eyes out because I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO SAY ITS OKAY AND LETS FIGURE THIS OUT!!!. I woke up the next day thinking, "oh crap this is not good... but my mom did not say another word all weekend about it. NOT ONE WORD. It's like this whole conversation never happened. In fact I took the kids to a theme park and when we got back she told me what a great mom I was to spend the whole day in the rain riding rollercoasters that scare the jeebies out of me. She never said anything! It's like the curse that everybody just wants to go away!
Okay I feel better. Thanks for listening (reading)!:chatter
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Originally Posted by Eclipse
to the point that I had to get up and say, "Obviously I can't talk to you about this" I was crying my eyes out because I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO SAY ITS OKAY AND LETS FIGURE THIS OUT!!!.
And that is EXACTLY how I imagine it going if I were to ever try to tell my mom... which I why I will probably never tell her. Or at least not until I've got a handle on the situation and have some successful recovery time under my belt.
*BIG HUGS*!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 811
Its funny, because before I would have been mortified for anyone to know I was drinking excessively. Now I almost feel like I am tellling people just to get it off my chest, which might not be the right thing to do either. I have an apppointment with a counselor on September 10th and am really nervous, but also really excited because I feel like I am starting to be proactive and try to figure this out. I love to come here and know there are others out there who are struggling like I am. I just have a feeling things are coming together even though I haven't stopped drinking??? Figure that out!
Black and Yellow
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,359
That was a very inspiring story. Both my parents are/were alcoholics. My dad passed away last summer and my mom has not had a drink in 3 months. I never got a chance to tell my dad about my addiction.
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