Horselover

I really am feeling like a nut case. I am so angry with everyone, myself included. I haven't been this angry or sad since I gave up drinking. I am also in the mind frame that I don't care. I don't care about anything right now. What the hell is going on with me?? I haven't put a call out like this since I stopped drinking. I really need some help.

Anna

What's got you so upset Horselover?

Is there something we can help with?

doorknob

I'm listenin too.

Horselover

You know I'm not sure where these emotions are coming from. I had a Birthday a couple of days ago and it passed just like any other day. I actually cleaned my Mom's house on that day. I don't feel good about feeling bitter about that. We're suppose to celebrate it today and I spent the morning cleaning our house and doing laundry. I'm just like, "Let's just skip it." Its no big deal, but I guess it is because its the one where I'm not drinking for the first time in a long time. You know what I mean because I don't know what I mean.

LouLou629

Hi horse lover ! I am sorry your feeling this way, I too have gone throught this.I was sober for the first time for three months a year ago and I remember it all to well.... For me, In retrospect, I think its caused by a few things...For one the emotional rollercoaster that goes along with quitting drinking certainly has its ups and downs, and when I am on a downswing I get really resentfull that I cant be " normal". Activities and milestones like holidays and birthdays for me, is just a reminder that I wont be "celebrating" like I always have and like those around me. That can really irk me. Secondly, I think i often downplay attention on myself while going through sobriety, because any attention means people often end up asking your progress and that underlying pressure to please everyone and yourself is hard especially if your feeling crummy , its really difficult to play it off as if your just peaches and cream flowing throught sobriety... so if its my birthday or anything that would normally call for me to be "little miss sunshine happy go lucky look at me everyone!" I turn the other cheek and try to act like its not necessary for all that but deep inside I am still holding resentment not only for not being able to drink and celebrate but I almost feel guilty for being happy and trying to enjoy the day and attention, like I dont deserve it, sobriety means hardship and struggle right so god forbid I give myself a break and try to just enjoy... I dont know if any of this hits home for you, but I dont think that your alone in feeling weird and sad and mad and not finding it easy to pin point why...I just try to pray and I am about to find a sponser and work on my steps, I didnt do that last time and I think thats got alot to do with why I started drinking again...Today I am 18 days sober, but I am far from feeling normal....these forums are great, we care about your sobriety so please stay strong and know were all here for you!

HopeTo180

I had a strange moment a few days ago. I stopped dead in my tracks. I just stood there. I felt a void. No movement. My emotions neutral. My entire life was at a stand still. No forward movement. No backward movement. There was no good or bad. There was nothing for me to hold onto. There was nothing. I knew there had to be something. I searched my feelings and memory of what could be missing. There was no direction to move in, no motivation, no need. Although I could have freaked out, I remained calm. This is when it hit me. I imagined making a run to the store for alcohol. I didn't want to drink. Why was I thinking this? Because that was what I always did when there was nothing. I forced myself to do something, anything. That very strange feeling passed within a few minutes of focusing on something else. Amazing how one moment can cause unexplainable emotions.

RK2007

Hope you feel better soon.

doorknob

Me too, HL.

Aysha

Of course your birthday is a big deal. Especially if you are also celebrating it in a new way.
I hope you feel better. And Happy Birthday.
Enjoy yourself. Sober. You deserve it.

FizzyWater

Get that chin up Horsie.

You ain't packing in on me now.

Haven't had you following me about for the last 100 odd days for you to give up now.

Stuff your face with food, drink some juice, heck even PM me if you have to.

Hang in there huns, thinking of you.

laurie6781

Sweetie I sent you a PM.

Give me a call and we will work this out and get you through it!!!!!!

Lots of love and bunches of hugs,

Anna

HorseLover,

I know how hard it is to get through an emotional time without being able to numb your feelings. It's not easy to feel all the feelings and try to figure out what they mean and how to deal with them. I find that music helps me the most at times like that. Go for a long walk, eat ice-cream, do whatever you can to help yourself feel better.

Horselover

Thank you all! I mean really! Your time to respond to this thread has helped me so immensely. I will get through it. I am so glad I have developed some real friendships with some people here. Thanks Laurie and Fizz for the PMs. I will call you Laurie and don't worry Fizz I'm not giving up today. I just had a real freaky moment that was lasting way too long for my tastes. I keep thinking why isn't this getting easier. Its harder, but then again most things are that we really want in life. I may be leaning on SR a little harder and I may even become more vocal with shout outs because if they work like they did today, I can't ignore the help. I won't become too much of a whiner, but if it means sounding whiny or drinking, I'll sound whiny.

Husband just made me clam dip. My favorite and so Fizz, yes I'll pig out today and then work out tomorrow.

FizzyWater

Ya old boot you, coming on here and scaring us !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

least

:ghug3 for you from me. I'm sorry you're going thru a rough patch. Be kind to yourself and in time, this too shall pass.

love and hugs for you!

TTOSBT

Oh man, I did not realize I was even holding my breath until I just let it out. Wow.
HL, I luv ya darlin and want the VERY best for you. You scared me as well. I was so happy to hear about the clam dip lol

I was at a meeting last night and someone handed me a list. Anyways, it has words of wisdom. Not very original but good to be reminded. I want to share a couple with you

However good or bad a situation is, it will change and then change again!!

Life isn't fair but it is still good.

Remeber that you are too blessed to be stressed. :ghug

CarolD

Belated



The best is yet to be!
Congratulations

tommyk

Horselover - your disease is talking to you, trying to make you miserable, don't listen to it.

Separate the rational from the irrational.

You can do it.

nogard

Its my birthday today and its the first where I have been able to let my expectations go and just be in the day and enjoy it.

Hope your day is good Horselove.

Kevin

Horselover

Thanks Nogard and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!! I guess it is expectations. Expecting it to be better then ever because I am sober, but finding it is just ho hum. Whatever! Got through it and now I am another year older and hopefully, in time, wiser. Good night!!