timeforchange

It's nights like last night that make me absolutely hate myself. Before I even got outta bed this morning, I was hating myself. UGH!!!!

Everytime I drink with my friend, I usually hate myself the next day. I end up drinking waaaay too much and staying up waaaay too late. I'm SO SICK of waking up feeling guilty and ashamed. What is it gonna take for me to stop this?

I feel like nobody else feels this guilty when they get drunk. They laugh and talk about it the next day. Not me, it's definitely not fun or funny anymore. It's embarrassing, disgusting, and it's gotten old. But that's not stopping me from doing it over and over!

I dont need to be going out to bars on a Tuesday night, or really any night for that matter. Everytime I drink w/ my friend at my house, we always end up going out. I dont know why, I guess because we're drinking and we feel like we have to. It's never fun. There's nothing for me at bars, I'm not trying to talk to guys or anything, so I usually end up pissing her off by being rude to people who try to talk to me. I dont know why I'm saying all this. I think i'm just trying to convince myself that there's no reason for me to keep doing this. But I cannot stop.

I feel so bad this morning. I'm a piece of sh*t.

I dont want to be an alcoholic. But I already am. I definitely dont NEED alcohol though...I just cant drink normally, like most people. So why keep doing it!?!

deezaldog

Many times I hear people say "drinking stopped being fun, it just stopped working for me" When this happens they were ready to stop. Stop beating yourself up. The best thing about today is that you can start all over again. Just don't drink now and one minute at a time you will put together another 24hrs sober.
Never give up trying. Hope your day gets better. LOL

Anna

I believe we keep doing it because we're addicted. It's that simple and that complicated.

My husband once asked me if I couldn't or wouldn't stop drinking. And, I had to face the fact, that at the time, it was some of both. How horrible is that!

You can do this!

serenityqueen

You keep doing this because it sounds like you're an alcoholic. None of us want to be an alcoholic. I know it was the last thing I dreamed of being when all my little friends and I were playing with Barbie's and talking about being teachers and nurses.

Admitting your powerless over alcohol and cannot drink "like a normal person" is the first step.

I know I felt so much guilt and shame when I drank . . . I hated myself and those feelings came across to everyone I knew. I was beyond miserable. I was a pitiful shell of a human being.

Do you and this friend ever get together and do anything without drinking? Does she have a problem with alcohol or is she a normie? If she's a genuine friend, then I would ask her to respect the fact that you need to stop drinking completely and to not bring alcohol over or ask you to go out to the bars. If she can't respect that, sounds like a friendship you may need to end.

Have you ever been to any AA Meetings? I have made so many genuine friends in the Program who I get together and do things with that obviously don't involve alcohol or drugs. I had forgotten just how much fun I CAN have without drinking. And I have no regrets the next day!

I noticed you've posted more than a few times in the past so obviously this isn't something that you have just realized is a problem. Keep posting and sharing and remember, you DON'T HAVE TO DRINK.

God Bless and Keep it One Day at A Time,
Judy

Hilltopper1972

Wow, been there a million times. I think if waking up with a hangover is a more than a few times a year thing, then you have a problem. At this stage you need to keep going down the path which you already started, which is, "I just can't drink normally like most people." That is the truth. Tell your friend you have a problem, or if you are not ready for that tell her you went to the doctor and he/she told you your blood pressure is too high and that he recommends you abstain for several months to bring it back under control. Whatever you do though, you can't keep putting yourself in a situation where she comes over with the intention of getting plastered, because at this point you have to admit that is the ultimate goal. I have a buddy I did this with at least once a week and once I told him that he was cool with it. We met for coffee the other night! Most of all if you've made this decision that you simply can't drink(and I hope you have), you can't leave yourself an opening to go do it again. This could be anything such as,"I've been good for two weeks, I owe myself a night out," or "I've proven I can stop for several days so I have it under control." Once you begin finding justification to get hammered again, it shows you haven't truly committed to the ultimate goal. It doesn't mean you need to wake up one day and feel the pressure of quitting for the next 20,000 days of your life, but it does mean that you've made up your mind and that you will do it one day at a time like the rest of us. Are you ready to do that?

scorpiogirl

Quote:

Originally Posted by timeforchange

But I cannot stop. I feel so bad this morning.
I definitely dont NEED alcohol though...I just cant drink normally, like most people.

If you don't neeeed it yet cannot stop, then yes, you are needing it. Physically or psychologically, no matter. Your body is needing it. If you know you are alcoholic, then you'll never drink like a normal person. The good news is, there is hope. There is life without alcohol.

Your post described a typical alcoholic's drinking...with the remorse afterwards.

Why don't you try and stop for 30 days? You already know what this lifestyle brings you, pain & aggravation; try the other sober one and then see for yourself. All the complaining in the world and venting won't get your head to stop or make you drink like a normal drinker. Take some action to help yourself (go to AA)

**{hugs}}
ScorpioGirl

Toomutch

Time for - I used to think going out and getting rip-poaring-drunk was fun. But then like deezledog said when the fun stops and we keepdoing this to ourselves it is time to take a good look at things.

I would rather wake up with any ailment over the guilt and anxiety I woke up with while drinking.

Try and not beat yourself up, and keep posting.

Bamboozle

I noticed you said that every time you drink at your house, you go out. If you want to quit, get rid of the alcohol in your house. Like what was already said, if your friend is a good one, she'll understand that you don't want to do this. I've already lost some good friends because of my drinking problem--not because they were mad that I wouldn't drink with them, but because I was drinking too much and I was a complete @$$.

I have no idea how much you drink on a daily basis, so please know that detoxing without medical supervision can be dangerous for some. Keep coming here to read and post! :ghug3

Serenidad

You admitted you were an alcoholic, that is step 1!

You keep drinking, even when you don't want to, because that is what alcoholics do! You are NOT a bad person!!!

I have felt exactly like you feel many many times! On April 21, 2008, I drove drunk, got a DUI and went to jail for 24 hours. That is what it took for me to finally admit I had a problem and I was ready to do ANYTHING to get better!

This disease has one purpose...to destroy our lives and kill us! I went to outpatient treatment for 4 months. ( a few nights a week) It was the BEST thing I ever did! It saved my life. I also go to AA regularly! I HIGHLY recommend AA.

If you have any questions at all or need advice about anything, send me a private message. I will be glad to help you!

Jennifer :ghug3

Itsmytime

Sounds like me to a T. Recently every time my hubby and I party with friends, I am forever asking him for reassurance that I didn't make a fool of myself and to date nothing "bad" has happened just the anxiety and guilt the next day. Once it gets to this point it is definitely not fun anymore. It is hard to think about never drinking again, which is where I am now, I am not sure if I will quit forever, but for now I am abstaining. I went through a really hard time losing people very close and dear to me and was going through some Post Traumatic Stress. I was dealing with it all wrong by drowning my sorrows. It is time to face the music.

Be kind to yourself - wish I could take my own advice, our thoughts can be so damaging and we end up believing things that never even happened.

bostonluv

I always got the guilt and shame after drinking. It was part of my hangover and also very common. I am sorry for your pain right now but your post was helpful in that it's a reminder for me that counting my days sober right now, having some cravings and some down days here and there is A LOT easier then living that way. The way your living is so painful. Come join us for a better life. Big hugs..I know how scared you are right now.

-Kathleen

Aysha

I was told that when my pain outweigh the pleasure. I am probably ready.
But I still did it. I was way ready long ago. Even when it was fun still. But I had to really want to stop. And really want to commit to it.
Putting down is the easy part in my opinion. What you do from there on out is where it gets hearder. And thats what makes it last. And so worth it. IMO.
I wouldnt worry to much as to trying to understand why you cant stop. But think more about how can you.

bostonluv

Excellent suggestion Chiynita.