Alice Wonder

There is no room left for real healing to take place when we hold someone too close.
stay stong and know you did all you can do. you are powerless over him and his addiction.
he needs room to heal. losing your love and support is a consequence and will resonate inside of him. take care of yourself. how can you ask him to love himself if you are not focusing on your own self love and making it a priority?
i had to walk away from my Monkey and it was so hard but i knew it was the right thing to do. i did everything i could possibly do the rest is up to him.
hang in there- alice

1Marty

Ladywolf,
My wife threatened to take away her love and support, and those words "I'm leaving" definatly resonated inside of me. They were some of the few words I would actually hear in our arguments over my drinking. Be proud of yourself -as others here said ,you have done what you could do. keep strong! :japanese2

LadyWolf

Everything has blown up, he hates me for exposing him. His parents now won't speak with me either. He has told them I am crazy. We no longer speak it is over, he will never forgive me. I feel like I did the right thing and knew this could happen. I know I tried, it hurts. So much has happened and gone wrong, including the fact I am carrying his child which is due in a few months. Which he now denies is his since he found out I told his family. I am lost and confused. But I do go to Al-Anon meetings now. I am trying to get through this it is hard. Please pray for me.

Hopeful Jay

I recently setup and lead an intervention for my boyfrind. It was the hardest thing that I ever have done to date. He fortunately agreed to inpatient rehab, he just got out June 17. I already see a change in him. He still has a really long way to go, but him being sober for 24 days is a blessing.

LadyWolf

Congrats to you Hopeful Jay, I am glad things are working out for you. I know how hard trying to setup an intervention can be. I am glad you met with success. Hope is a good thing... I wish you both the best.

LadyWolf

I am still attending Al-Anon meetings, and read my courage to change book daily. I still have good days and bad, mostly good now. I also go to inidividual counseling every other week. Its definitely been a hard road, and I know I will need to stay in Al-Anon for many years to come. The Adult Child of Alcoholics group, has really helped me to see how I could have followed the path I was on for so long. And that i do have a choice and that i can change ME. Letting go has been hard, getting healthy even harder. But I am working on it, and I am slowly noticing that it is working for me. I did not speak to my ex or his family for 2 months. We started talking (my ex only) about a week ago. We are trying to "get along" and figure out how to co-exist when our child is born. Its hurtful to know that he and his family view me as some troublemaker who came along and tried to ruin their world. They truly want nothing to do with me for fear I will try some other devious thing to shake their house of cards. I am trying not to take this personally and i hope I will rise above their need for denial and do whats right for the sake of our child. Any prayers or advice you can send my way, will be greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has had a good summer.

lostinhisworld

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 yrs. and have been through sooo much... when we first met i had no idea what i was junping into... i too found out later on, he was an addict... he was addicted to cocain for 2 yrs. but one day asked me for help, we together got through it and hasn't been on it for 2 yrs.. i had to let him fall flat on his face to relize he needed help. after the cocain, soon came the alcohol. the thing is that i can't go ro his family for help. both his mother and his sisters are both alcoholics, and he feels to get along with them is to be drunk... it's sad but true, not only is there the alcohol now there are pain killers and xanax... we fight about his addiction all the time, i now relize thats not the way... but i hate watching him do this to himself. he tells me all the time i will slow down or i won't take them anymore... it's getting very hard to believe anything he says.. it kills me inside. i know what a great person he is with out all of these elements invading his life.. he has an addictive personality i guess... i don't know what to do anymore.. i have seen him hit the bottom before, i don;t know if i can go through it again.. what can i do it seems like when one addiction ends another one rears it's ugly face.. i love him so much, but i can't love him to death.... alcoholism really is hereditary, so how does it get fixed... how do i confront him about it with out it truning into a yelling match... how do i show him that he needs to let go of these dependents...

TenPacks

"i know what a great person he is with out all of these elements invading his life.. he has an addictive personality i guess..."

*sigh*

I wish I could tell you something to cheer you up, lostinhisworld - but unfortunately I AM just such a person as you and LadyWolf* talked about, and I'm not sure if I will make it, either. There are times when I just don't care anymore...
but I have an appointment tomorrow to get re-involved in a program, and maybe something will grab me this time.



*THAT name really jumped off the screen at me, btw - until I realized how long ago she posted.... I wonder how things turned out for her?

lostinhisworld

today was a ruff day.. valentines day.. "sigh" for the past 2 days he has been on xanax.. it's gotton to the piont where his father and his boss r noticeing... he told me today becouose i try to talk to him like an adult, but how do you talk to some one who makes such adolecent decisions... he told me he wants me out... it's not the first time.. it always come to this when he is on drugs but then once he sobers up for a day he apologizes... it's like i'm a yoyo.... this drug is making him snap so fast now, it's like jekle and hyde in a 20 min. interval... i think i need to go but to let go of something i love so much will hurt so bad...i told him to day that i love him no matter what, but i can't love him to death...

TenPacks

I hate to be blunt, but there's a very good friend of mine who spent several years, as a young woman, married to a "beater" - she even has false upper incisors to show for it, and can't remember how many times she was treated for a concussion. And next day (he was a coke-freak), it was the same stroy - I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, blah, blah, blah. After several years of it, she left the apartment with a suitcase and two little kids.
Sadly, she is now living through another recent nightmare, but that's a different story.

I don't see it much different than your situation. If he WON'T get help, there may come a time (and I'm not judging whether it's now or not, okay?) that you have to make the hard decision.... keep him in your life or not.

Sooner or later, we all have to decide to save ourselves, or not...

JMHO