LouLou629

This is the second time I have quit...last time a year ago I made it three months. I am on day 13 right now. Vague memories of my akward social interactions without booze are coming back to me. You have heard it all before I am sure " all my friends drink" but yeah , they do....I am only 25..its what they love to do...Last weekend I put on a brave face and sipped N/A beer way too long, even smiled as I drove my drunk boyfriend and his cousin around and agreed to the after party consisting of drunken twister and other silly games..Around 2 am I said " I am done..I am sober, and to be honest I am not having fun". How do you guys deal with this...Last time I got sober I stayed home alot and ended up feeling like a social outcast as I drifted apart from my friends. The thing is , they dont care that I am not drinking..they want me around regardless...I am having the hardest time however wanting to be around them if they are drinking, and thats what they live for. I dont want to write them off, and where I live its slim pickins as far as finding other social circles to mesh into. I mean I have heard the advice " get a hobby, find new friends , surround yourself with new sober people" and to a certain extent I have taken that advice..but I dont want to cut ties with my pals..do I have any other choices? Does it get easier as time goes by? As I get older the less motivation I have to start new friendships with people..its alot of hard work and I am putting most of my effort into my sobriety, new job and personal relationships right now...Any words of wisdom? ALSO....Does anyone else agree with me when I say that I think I know alot of alchoholics...people who binge and people who blackout and do and act the same way I also have..people who " need a drink" to celebrate, mourn,self medicate etc... What makes them different thatn me? Well they seemingly put on a happy face and dont seem to dwell on their drunken stoopers as I used to...they dont seem depressed and obsessive...but otherwise they seem to me, very alchoholic...Anyone else see this in their social circles?????

Bamboozle

I'm wondering...is the problem because they really aren't fun to hang around anymore, or is it because they're drinking and you're not? (I'm not trying to be an @$$, so sorry if I'm coming off that way)

You don't have to write them off...maybe you just need a break from them for a couple/few weeks? Remember, you're only on day 13, so you are probably feeling emotionally crappy right now. Give yourself some time on this one...

least

I never had "bar" friends as I always drank at home alone. I do know that I can't be around alcohol for a while (how long? don't know) until I feel more sure of my sobriety. I would have to say tho that I agree with finding different people to hang out with. I really like the people I've met at AA meetings. I've also started doing things socially with the people from my church. Never thought I'd socialize at church, but they're great people and I enjoy their company.

It sounds to me like you're really agonizing over "do I or don't I?". If you really want to be sober you'll have to change a few things. I like what Einstein said: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I think he was right. And now that I'm not doing some of those "same things", my life is changing in a good way.

Best advice I've heard from here is what is keeping me sober right now, today: I have to want to stay sober more than I want to drink.

Keep coming back!

:ghug3

Anna

Hi Lou,

Staying sober is hard and I know I had make changes in my life to make it work. Why not try to meet your old friends for coffee or at the gym or to go shopping? There are lots of things you can do with your friends besides drinking. I could not be around people who were drinking for a very long time. It drained me and made me miserable.

1963comet

Hi Loulou

When I first quit drinking I felt as you do. Thought the fun in my life was over but that is far from the truth. I had to stop hanging around my drinking friends. Had one friend that called drunk and some times passed out while talking with him. He did quit calling but has since quit drinking himself.

I did not trust myself around others drinking. It took almost three years for people drinking to not bother me. But that is how is was with me. There is so much more to life than getting messed up. I found that my interest in other things opened up. And meeting people that does not drink really helps.

sailorjohn

Left your post to reference a few things. I 'hang out'-crew actually-with a lot of drinkers, seems everyone-or most everyone in that circle drinks. Have had at least one occasion where I made the mistake of going to a bar with these folks after a race, I did not enjoy myself, in fact I was miserable. Are these folks alcoholic? I don't know, and it doesn't matter in any event.

Until recently my not drinking hasn't been an issue. On Saturday, after a long overnight race, one of the crew asked me flat out-he being a drinker-why I wasn't drinking. I wish I could have said something witty, settled for saying 'Doctors orders'. On Sunday, at the race party, the skipper tried to press a drink on me. He said, I could have just one. I am still a little miffed at this whole thing, I shouldn't have to justify my decision not to drink to anyone. I declined and left very shortly afterward.

Someone told me a long time ago that when I walked through those doors I was going to have to leave a lot of people behind. It did happen, after a period my childhood friends/drinking buddies wanted nothing to do with me, probably as I was a constant reminder that they were f**king up their own lives by drinking/using. And these folks would have been perfectly happy had I given up and started going back down the road they were on.

chewie

well, i'm working on my second go around here - but something i remember from my first go around is that on friday and saturday night i'd really have fun with my friends (they were drinking i was not) until 10 or so - then i was tired and they were drunk. so i'd go home and go to bed. no harm/no foul. i had fun and then got a good night sleep and woke up well rested and without a hangover!

SelfSeeking

Hi Loulou. I don't have anything wise to share, just wanted to thank you for the OP. I have chosen to get sober while I am away from my peers (except for my SO)- I'm in a place where I know very few people. That's made for challenges, like loneliness, but I've also been spared the situation you're going through. I'm soon to head back to the grad school grinder, where my peers tend to "relax" with a sh!t ton of alcohol. So I'm gaining wisdom from this thread to be ready for the situation when I'm back in it! Love these forums...

lizw

I admit it.

I am 30 years old and 10 years sober BUT I have noticed that most people, in new situations, appear to be social ******* too.

I try and make lame jokes to cover up my social retardness, which is better than drinking till I can't speak properly eh?

Is there a cure? Not one that I've found. Maybe fake it to you make it?

I think as an alcoholic I want eveything to be comfortable and life is just not like this.

Give yourself a break too. Rome wasn't built in a day.
:day4

ForeverDecember

Hi LouLou. I don't have any advice, sorry, but wanted to let you know you're certainly not alone in this one. I'm also 25 and surrounded by drinkers. My closest friends all drink, my sort-of friends all drink, my aqqaintances all drink... everyone seems to drink. I'm in a small town and there doesn't seem to be anyone here who doesn't drink (except for my partner, but he works night shifts anyway) so I don't think I could find sober friends if I tried. My solution is to be a better friend to myself, and work on enjoying spending the nights with me. Eventually I might be able to seperate "being social" from "drinking".

In regards to knowing a lot of people who seem to be alcoholics - well to me at least 50% of the people I know seem to be alcoholics. They do everything I do, just don't seem to care... but then - I remember hearing once that an addict sees an addict in everyone else. So maybe we're just seeing ourselves in them. I know alcohol is controlling my life, and that's what matters.

Itsmytime

Does anyone else agree with me when I say that I think I know alot of alchoholics...people who binge and people who blackout and do and act the same way I also have..people who " need a drink" to celebrate, mourn,self medicate etc... What makes them different thatn me? Well they seemingly put on a happy face and dont seem to dwell on their drunken stoopers as I used to...they dont seem depressed and obsessive...but otherwise they seem to me, very alchoholic...Anyone else see this in their social circles?????

I feel the same, like I am the only one with next day regret and obsessive ruminations. This is the reason I want to quit again. My hubby drinks also and during the period I quit before I was designated driver for 5 years, he was good though when I wanted to leave he made sure he was ready. I want to feel free again and no more asking DH if I said or did anything wrong. Not sure he is ready for me to quit -haven't had anything earth shattering happen, but it is the next day anxiety - even for no reason - that is ruining my fun times. I really do laugh more and enjoy life sober.

Stay strong, it will get easier.

Emimily

go to meetings. get a sponsor. fellowship with sober kids. work the 12 steps. the social awkwardness is only as big as you'll make it - when you're uncomfortable, you're growing.

one more time - go to meetings. sober kids go to meetings, you will make friends that don't drink. they're some of the best people on planet earth.

Toomutch

I have been fortuate. When I meet friends or family out for lunch or dinner they do not drink. They know what I am going through and are very supportive. Maybe it's the age difference. I am 44 and my friends are all around the same age. They have all gotten to the point where they can take or leave alcohol. With the exception of my sister - she drinks morning, noon and night, but on the 2 occassions that we have met for lunch she has not ordered drinks.

You are still so new in sobriety, I can understand that it must be difficult for you to go out with your friends. Be gentle with yourself and do whats right for you.

parentrecovers

hey lou lou, my daughter is about your age, and has the same struggle when she is trying to stay sober. your friends just don't "get it" and even if they really want to support you, they can't. it's a tough part for younger folks in recovery i think. make efforts to find other people in recovery to socialize with. it's just going to be easier all around for you when you do? hugs, k

lizw

Most people I was kicking around with at the end of my drinking had already been to treatment, AA and NA etc... So is true for me.

bostonluv

Thankfully I don't anymore but I used to. You need a social life outside alcohol so AA would probably be a great place to get that.

LouLou629

Really cool answers guys, thank you. Funny thing, I was just feeling extra socially inept and ******** a few days ago when I was bombarded with another social activity surounded with booze..and my dear freind shared a story from her weekend.....She got soooo drunk that she blacked out, removed all of her clothing, and went pee all over this guy she really likes living room floor- no recolection of it, just the stories she was told and the wet carpet to prove it...and just when I was feeling ******** without alchohol...HA! I remembered how truly ******** I can be, just add booze and it somehow in a twisted way made me really happy that I heard that...kept me sober and gave me a new perspective... love you guys...im on day 16!!!!!!!!!