I cant take much more of this
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Yea..I agree. I mean I am sure they have their moments. But for a grown man to dump crap on someone is ridiculous and very disrespectful.
I have 2 teenage couisins..13 and 14. And they know better than to even come out their face with back talk. And when they do. My uncle handles it. Not my aunt. They are my uncles kids. She may have her say..But never puts her hands on anyone. And neither does my uncle.
Glad you let your mind speak.
What an arrogant reply. Sorry. He should have apologised instead of coming back with that comment.
I have 2 teenage couisins..13 and 14. And they know better than to even come out their face with back talk. And when they do. My uncle handles it. Not my aunt. They are my uncles kids. She may have her say..But never puts her hands on anyone. And neither does my uncle.
Glad you let your mind speak.
What an arrogant reply. Sorry. He should have apologised instead of coming back with that comment.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
I believe I am quiclkly losing respect from others here at SR
I do not like the way my husband acts on occassion. However I do not feel like we are in danger, I know I am flip-floping, I am just confused.
Each day other than our own kids there are 4 to 5 extras- all the kids want to hang out here.
When I was a growing up I was embarrased for my friends to come over because of my dads irrational behavior, I spent all my time at a friends house where I felt comfortable.
If it were really that bad here would our house be the place to be? Would all the kids be hanging out here. It's not like they come here to get away with stuff. I am always home and interacting with all the kids. My husband spends time with my sons friends, we all spend time together...
I guess I am one confused cookie.
I do not like the way my husband acts on occassion. However I do not feel like we are in danger, I know I am flip-floping, I am just confused.
Each day other than our own kids there are 4 to 5 extras- all the kids want to hang out here.
When I was a growing up I was embarrased for my friends to come over because of my dads irrational behavior, I spent all my time at a friends house where I felt comfortable.
If it were really that bad here would our house be the place to be? Would all the kids be hanging out here. It's not like they come here to get away with stuff. I am always home and interacting with all the kids. My husband spends time with my sons friends, we all spend time together...
I guess I am one confused cookie.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, N.Y.
Posts: 4,639
Hi Toomutch. Just wanted to let you know you have not lost respect from me.
I can relate with your story about your husband and your Dad. I had a abusive father and my 1st husband was too. They had their up and down moments too. Happy family one minute and crazy the next.
I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I will say no one deserves any kind of abuse whether it be emotional, mental, physical, sexual. Whatever. No one deserve it and you can't blame your self. I use to do that too. Now I know they had a problem. Not me.
I just wanted to share that i can relate.
hugs and prayers,
Barb
I can relate with your story about your husband and your Dad. I had a abusive father and my 1st husband was too. They had their up and down moments too. Happy family one minute and crazy the next.
I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I will say no one deserves any kind of abuse whether it be emotional, mental, physical, sexual. Whatever. No one deserve it and you can't blame your self. I use to do that too. Now I know they had a problem. Not me.
I just wanted to share that i can relate.
hugs and prayers,
Barb
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
sweetie, you're not losing respect from me. I'm not living in your situation, so who am I to judge?
It sounds like you are doing the best you can do. We just want to make sure you and the kids are safe.
You don't deserve his verbal abuse, but we do what we can at the time.
I'm glad you're posting here, and I'm sure you have helped others by this thread. Sometimes life is tough, but it just makes it easier knowing you're not alone.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
It sounds like you are doing the best you can do. We just want to make sure you and the kids are safe.
You don't deserve his verbal abuse, but we do what we can at the time.
I'm glad you're posting here, and I'm sure you have helped others by this thread. Sometimes life is tough, but it just makes it easier knowing you're not alone.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Last edited by Impurrfect; 08-21-2008 at 09:31 AM. Reason: typo
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Your not losing my respect either.
I cant speak for anyone else. But I didnt mean leave the guy. I simply think that was way over board and noone needs to be treated like that.
You said what you had to say to him. Hope he takes it serious. And hopefully it doesnt happen again.
I cant speak for anyone else. But I didnt mean leave the guy. I simply think that was way over board and noone needs to be treated like that.
You said what you had to say to him. Hope he takes it serious. And hopefully it doesnt happen again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 300
If my husband shook poo on me, I'd be furious. He'd be eating it with his next dinner. But seriously, I get the impression from you that when he takes his meds he's not a complete tyrant. He has anger control issues. Just like you have alcohol issues. You're working on your issues so maybe he should work on his too. Like HopeTo180 said, anger control classes would probably be a great idea. You sounded really angry...and a little scared with your first post. It seems since then maybe things have calmed down but I hate that you have to feel the way you felt the other day. I really hope he gets some help. Oh and by the way, awesome job on the almost 6 months...
Hugs,
FD
Hugs,
FD
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 811
I have not lost any respect for you what so ever! You are a strong women and have been sober longer that lots of us!!! For that alone you deserve SO much respect.
We all have some sh*t we have to put up with at home and you know when its time to do something about it.
Hang in there
Cindy
We all have some sh*t we have to put up with at home and you know when its time to do something about it.
Hang in there
Cindy
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I have not lost any respect for you, quite the opposite. I really respect you for sharing how you are feeling and admitting to the confusion.
And keep your head up . . . I'm looking forward to sharing in your soon to be six months with you!
We love you and we're here for you!
Judy
And keep your head up . . . I'm looking forward to sharing in your soon to be six months with you!
We love you and we're here for you!
Judy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
wow this is a powerful thread.
the poop being shook upon you is totally inappropriate.
I heard something on a tape recently and I will share it with you...it went something like this:
when the abuse that someone else gives you (like your significant other), is more than the abuse that you give yourself, then that is when people start to think about ending or changing the relationship.
marriage counseling? tough talks together with him? I assume that he is pulling his weight with the bills now, otherwise there would be no reason to keep him (other than that he is a good father at times)
if he's manic-depressive then buspar is not really the proper medication by itself.
good luck and keep posting.
the poop being shook upon you is totally inappropriate.
I heard something on a tape recently and I will share it with you...it went something like this:
when the abuse that someone else gives you (like your significant other), is more than the abuse that you give yourself, then that is when people start to think about ending or changing the relationship.
marriage counseling? tough talks together with him? I assume that he is pulling his weight with the bills now, otherwise there would be no reason to keep him (other than that he is a good father at times)
if he's manic-depressive then buspar is not really the proper medication by itself.
good luck and keep posting.
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by Toomutch 
Last night I brought it up to him that I will never be dumped on again and that it's abuse. His reply was " I bet we will never find the cage dirty again.
Wow...
(Is he pretty stuborn about everything? Just curious...)
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm not even going to pretend to know what it's like to be in your shoes. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you find your happy place. Don't let anyone rob you of that.
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
I'm sorry I missed this. You know, he would be arrested if you took out a warrant for the physical stuff that happened in the past. It's easy to do it at your local court commissioner.
For help with getting out of this, call 888-788-7091, the number for Colorado, where you are I think, or 1-800-799-safe is the national hotline number for domestic violence. I think that you can call it at anytime with specific questions.
Years ago, my second ex threatened to burn down my house (I know, I know, you are all saying, KJ has been through too many ex's. with every type of problem. I'm not the best at picking them.) Anyway, I had his @ss out on the street within 4 hours. I went and got an emergency ex-parte and the police put him out. The hotline folks will be able to talk you through this if that is what you decide.
KJ
For help with getting out of this, call 888-788-7091, the number for Colorado, where you are I think, or 1-800-799-safe is the national hotline number for domestic violence. I think that you can call it at anytime with specific questions.
Years ago, my second ex threatened to burn down my house (I know, I know, you are all saying, KJ has been through too many ex's. with every type of problem. I'm not the best at picking them.) Anyway, I had his @ss out on the street within 4 hours. I went and got an emergency ex-parte and the police put him out. The hotline folks will be able to talk you through this if that is what you decide.
KJ
to you TM
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Thanks for all of the replies!
I just wanted to share something that kind of relates to this situation.
It has bee a rule at home that when you come into the house you take off your shoes and put them into the hall closet. Otherwise when the kids have their friends over we may have more than 11 or 12 pairs of shoes crowding the entry way.
Last night I waited until my husband was all settled in to play a game on his lap top. I then told him he had to get up and go downstairs and put his shoes in the closet. He said he would do it in the morning. I told him "a rule is a rule, we need to stick to all of them or none of them".
It felt good watching him get up to go downstairs to put his shoes away.
I just wanted to share something that kind of relates to this situation.
It has bee a rule at home that when you come into the house you take off your shoes and put them into the hall closet. Otherwise when the kids have their friends over we may have more than 11 or 12 pairs of shoes crowding the entry way.
Last night I waited until my husband was all settled in to play a game on his lap top. I then told him he had to get up and go downstairs and put his shoes in the closet. He said he would do it in the morning. I told him "a rule is a rule, we need to stick to all of them or none of them".
It felt good watching him get up to go downstairs to put his shoes away.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Grants Pass, Oregon
Posts: 137
Posted by RK2007 There is no justification for the things he's doing to you. .
If he continues doing things like that - not normal things by the way
"Not normal" is exactly the correct description. Was he doing these inappropriate things back when you first met him and were dating?
If he continues doing things like that - not normal things by the way
"Not normal" is exactly the correct description. Was he doing these inappropriate things back when you first met him and were dating?
Turning it all around
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 330
Too, good for you! It sounds like you've jockeyed into the right position. He knows you mean business. Keep up the good work, don't let him waver. Prayers for strength, kindness and love, not necessarily in that order!
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