the big messy pile of me that sits inside of me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
the big messy pile of me that sits inside of me
I want to run and cover up the big messy pile of me that sits inside of me.
it's hard to start a new life when i am constantly on the tails of the closest part of my old life....the addictions.
so it is going to be challenging, but I can do my best in this new day 1.
today....a new day 1....a new chance to begin the life that exists inside of me....like inside of a seed is the whole life of a flower.....inside of me is a whole life of a dream that i can watch take hold, then i can stop holding the chains that keep me down in my own little hell....
it's hard to start a new life when i am constantly on the tails of the closest part of my old life....the addictions.
so it is going to be challenging, but I can do my best in this new day 1.
today....a new day 1....a new chance to begin the life that exists inside of me....like inside of a seed is the whole life of a flower.....inside of me is a whole life of a dream that i can watch take hold, then i can stop holding the chains that keep me down in my own little hell....
Adjusting my Sails
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
Glad you are sticking with us. No matter what happens keep coming back and keep praying.
When you shine the light of truth and acceptance on the big mess that is "inside of you" it will evaporate into the past where it belongs.
You are here today and that's all we have.
When you shine the light of truth and acceptance on the big mess that is "inside of you" it will evaporate into the past where it belongs.
You are here today and that's all we have.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,047
If you want what we have, please do what we do. Each day begins with a commitment to not take a drink, no matter what.
I really don't believe that there's a mess within us if we're in recovery, there's only a mess that we've left behind and that can be cleaned up if we have the desire to work on it.
Like TSH said, there's a whole new life within you and only you have the power to unleash it. So how about it? Are you done with that old life and ready to take on the new one?
I really don't believe that there's a mess within us if we're in recovery, there's only a mess that we've left behind and that can be cleaned up if we have the desire to work on it.
Like TSH said, there's a whole new life within you and only you have the power to unleash it. So how about it? Are you done with that old life and ready to take on the new one?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 353
It's kind of like unscrambling an egg huh Ksplash? Everything is in there, it's just all mixed up..
Hang in there, keep looking ahead and count every sober/clean second as a success. Start small and gradually go big! Start counting minutes, then hours, then days, then months!!
Heavy
Hang in there, keep looking ahead and count every sober/clean second as a success. Start small and gradually go big! Start counting minutes, then hours, then days, then months!!
Heavy
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
Keep coming back.
If you want to clean up the mess maybe give the 12 steps a shot. Worked for me. If nothing changes, nothing usually changes. There were reasons why i drank, I faced them, I'm comfortable with them now.
(And I was a MESS before.)
If you want to clean up the mess maybe give the 12 steps a shot. Worked for me. If nothing changes, nothing usually changes. There were reasons why i drank, I faced them, I'm comfortable with them now.
(And I was a MESS before.)
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
For this addict/alcoholic, I was unable to dump all of the garbage of the past and the feelings of uselessness, guilt, shame, . . . until I worked the Steps.
I like to compare my Recovery with getting an organ transplant.
A Program of Recovery, like a new organ, say a heart, was necessary or I was going to die, very soon. I felt horrible, I couldn't go on, I wasn't living. . . I was barely functioning, but not for long.
Now, in order to make me "better" I had to have a great deal of follow up after my heart transplant. They couldn't just open me up, take the bad organ out (removing the alcohol or drugs) put the new one in and that's it! I wouldn't live very long. I needed physical therapy, a change in lifestyle, stay away from things that could put my new, healthy heart in danger,( alcohol, drugs, old people, places and things) and a complete change in lifestyle.
I tried my way for too many years, 25 to be exact. I first realized that I had a problem in Oct. of 1980. I put myself in a 28 day in patient program. Sure, the alcohol and drugs were removed, but I didn't do any follow up. AA/NA.
Working a Program of Recovery, working the Steps, going to meetings, getting a Sponsor, finding a God of my understanding and staying away from old people, places and things has given me a life free from the obsession but also one that the big ol dumpster of sh*t that I was dragging around is gone. It's empty. It will always be there, but today it's my choice if I put any more garbage in it!
God Bless,
Judy
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
ksplash - I've said this elsewhere today - took me 15 years to get it, but I never stopped trying.
I had that mess too - for me I just focused on not drinking fist - got some sober time up - then, when my legs were steady I started to unravel the knots....one thing at a time works too.
It doesn't happen overnight, but now I have the life I didn't dare dream of then.
Don't miss yours - don't give up.
D
I had that mess too - for me I just focused on not drinking fist - got some sober time up - then, when my legs were steady I started to unravel the knots....one thing at a time works too.
It doesn't happen overnight, but now I have the life I didn't dare dream of then.
Don't miss yours - don't give up.
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
