HopeTo180

Thanks Boston, I was really worried about the morning hangover. I actually had much trouble sleeping. I would crash early, depending on when I started drinking, and wake up at 2 or 3 am. Wide awake I'd stay up for a few hours, sometimes having a few more beers, then go back to bed. What a life! The other thing that really bothered me was waking up feeling like a beached whale! Now that I'm on a roll, I would buy a lot of Publix subs (with no oil and vinegar) so the sandwich would still be good when I finished drinking. I also didn't eat lunch so I could get a buzz right after work (3:30pm). And, refusing to go out to dinner with friends. This meant I would miss a drinking session. Oh! and all the stupid emails I wrote while drinking. I sent many apologies the next morning. I felt so stupid and embarrassed. Wow! Okay, I think I'm done...thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

TTOSBT

Welcome Hope!
Every single day is better than the last. And yup, try everything that works. I sure did
I made a lot of changes for after work because I always drank after work. The first few weeks were really uncomfortable for me in my house from 6pm - 10 pm. So I found others things to do at night. Now I take a kick boxing class 3 nights a week and I go to 4 meetings a week. Now and then I will beg off for one reason or another but for the most part I love working on a better me now.

Today is day 103 today and I am happier each day.

HopeTo180

Thanks TTOSBT and congrats on your 103 days. I can't wait to say that. Right now I just want to feel better. Yes, no better person to create an effective workaround then ourselves.

HopeTo180

Surprise, I still have that headache. Tylenol and Aspirin don't seem to help. This again, is enough and shows that there is a problem. Headaches have never been a problem for me until I started drinking. I only want to go through withdraws once! I have embraced this headache, for it is a constant reminder.

No hangover, that's a plus! My hands are not shaking. I just checked my blood pressure and thankfully it is normal for me (normal-high). I am so relieved, other than this damn headache. After reading the horrors of Detox, I am happy to have had no serious problems, yet. To be on the road to recovery is an amazing blessing. Life is good and will get better!

txsar

Congrats on Day 2!! Hang in there! It does get better. Are you drinking a lot of water? May help with the headaches?? Not sure.

txsar

HopeTo180

txsar, I'm probably drinking a normal amount of water. I'll try drinking a lot more today. I've got a grocery list and will buy tons of bottled water along with some blueberry juice (the best antioxidant on the planet).

Anna

Sounds like a good plan, Hope!

HopeTo180

Gearing up to go shopping. I made my list. As I was putting my shoes on, I realized this could be a real challenge. When the fridge is empty I automatically take the truck (instead of the motorcycle) this was because I would pick up a 24 pack. A 12 pack for tonight and the other to dip into if I felt like it. I must take the truck for bottled water. It has been so long since I came home without restocking the fridge with beer. I feel like going to a store that doesn't sell beer but has bottled water. Is it too early to challenge myself? I would be breaking a deep seated habit..."only stay sober for today"!
I don't feel like drinking...I don't want to drink...my headache is still here...I'm wondering if now is a better time for the challenge because I still feel like sh_t. Hmmm...
I'll just start driving and see how I feel. It will be interesting...

HopeTo180

Gearing up to go shopping. I made my list. As I was putting my shoes on, I realized this could be a real challenge. When the fridge is empty I automatically take the truck (instead of the motorcycle) this was because I would pick up a 24 pack. A 12 pack for tonight and the other to dip into if I felt like it. I must take the truck for bottled water. It has been so long since I came home without restocking the fridge with beer. I feel like going to a store that doesn't sell beer but has bottled water. Is it too early to challenge myself? I would be breaking a deep seated habit..."only stay sober for today"!
I don't feel like drinking...I don't want to drink...my headache is still here...I'm wondering if now is a better time for the challenge because I still feel like sh_t. Hmmm...
I'll just start driving and see how I feel. It will be interesting...

HopeTo180

(Sorry for the duplicate post above. I guess I fat-fingered the keyboard)

I now have nothing but goodness in my fridge. I walked right by the beer. I looked at the price and figured I could buy a new car with the money I'll save now. When I drank, going on a diet seemed hypocritical so I just didn't go there. At the store all the healthy food seemed to make sense. I'm looking forward to some watermelon. Tonight will be a nicely made Publix salad. I'll keep drinking a bunch of water. I do think that's helping with my headache. The headache seems fitting given that it's what got me in this mess to begin with.

Jig

Hi HopeTo, great to see you doing well.

Hang in there mate, it does get better.

HopeTo180

This headache is like a constant aneurysm! When will it go away? There has been one weakness of mine that I have yet to conquer. In the past, when I've quit for a few days, I always started back because I felt good. It was like an open door to party. Maybe this headache is here for a reason. Is it possible that all the drinking I've done has opened the door to the dreaded migraine? I will again rub some cayenne pepper on my forehead and there's a nice hot cup of coffee sitting next to me. It is good to be alive and sober.

:atv

HopeTo180

Day 3 & 9/10s
Posted 08-21-2008 at 08:19 PM by HopeTo180
I figured I'd treat myself to a good movie tonight. It was the best movie I've seen in years. This was the first movie I seen sober in years. The movie was 1408 and was really great. I might have to re-watch all the movies I thought I saw the past two years. I'm sure I didn't experience what the cast intended. I must rethink all the boring movies I fell asleep to. The movies were probably good, It was the beer count that made them boring. Life just keeps getting better and better!

HopeTo180

Day 4
Posted Yesterday at 09:05 AM by HopeTo180
For the past few months, I've had a pain in my chest (above my heart). I kept thinking it was a pulled muscle. Maybe the way I slept. I felt it at different times throughout the day but, felt it each day. I realized this morning, it is gone. I don't remember even feeling it yesterday. Like it was a broken heart but now it's mended. Maybe my activities (the past few years) have broken my own heart. I now love myself again, and more each day.

I feel very good today. I still have this headache. I am starting to embrace the discomfort. Like a healing scar, it's a reminder of an accident. A bandage on the accumulative effect of self destructive behavior. My hands are rock steady. I slept in this morning. Life is grand! And every part of me is here to experience it!

HopeTo180

Either I have no headache or my forehead is numb from the 5 days of tension. I'm really feeling good. I've completely changed my routine. Funny how the day seems to last longer. Driving at night is so beautiful. I didn't realize how much I was missing. Making a night-time run for Ice Cream has been a new found joy! I have so much time to get things done. Looking back at when I used to drink, it's apparent to me now. Not only was I slowly killing myself, I was in a hurry to do so.

I saw a show with this lady that works with alcoholics. She said she can walk into a house and know if an alcoholic lives there. If an alcoholic lives there, the house will be completely disorganized. I looked around with a very humble feeling and said yes, it's time to clean up! It's time to reorganize what I see outside with how I feel inside. This may help to complete the puzzle. This will be another task needed to develope who I will become. This is necessary. Like raising a child, I can guide myself to grow into a wonderful adult.

Serenidad

Hi! For me, I needed AA. I kept relapsing after 20- 60 -90 days until I got into AA and did the recommended 90 meetings in 90 days.

I also am working the 12 steps with a sponsor.

HopeTo180

Jen,
Good for you! 90/90 indicates serious determination!
When the time is right, we all look to find something, anything that will help us. The struggle within, eventually, will know when we find it. For me, the AA meetings had personal stories that made me feel "I'm not so bad", "these people have some serious problems", "they have lost everything", "I'm still functioning", "I'm in control, compared to these people". This, I know now, was my way of justifying the continued drunk. SR was the "edge" for me because I could "bounce the words back and forth". This kept the alcohol from re-writing my thoughts. No matter what works, I thank God that there are that do!

HopeTo180

I was awakened this morning to the sweet sound of rain hitting my roof. With eyes kept closed, I reached for my blanket and made a slight adjustment. My pillow perfectly supporting my head. I took a deep breath and noticed the headache was gone, completely. My body was at such peace. I thought "this is what they mean by Stop and Smell the Roses". I was in no hurry to get out of bed. This was perfect... Sunday, the day of rest, a gift from God. A second chance with a life that was all but lost.

Bamboozle

Yeah...it's amazing how time slows down...This last month has lasted an eternity...







That's me, alright. Whatever is going on in my brain gets translated on the outside. Does it get better? Will I at some point feel at least semi-organized? Is it possible for me to work at becoming this way (I was very jumbled way before I ever had a drinking problem)?



Hey Hope, I'm glad you're taking a positive approach to things. Take it easy.

HopeTo180

Bam,
Thanks for your support. Yes, time does slow down but, due to the fog, I need that pace right now. I'm using the purge approach to stay organized. Unless it has sentimental value, if I haven't used it for 6 months, in the trash it goes! This means I'll be physiologically renewed every 6 months. I hope it works! Everything looks different already. I feel a different me, and it makes sense to live in different surroundings. So far, so good.