All hell is about to break loose
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Today I'm struggling. Thank you for asking, though.
The final discussion last night never really addressed the alcohol issue. He was very open and seemed supportive and willing to listen, but I couldn't go through with it. So the night was spent watching Olympics and pretending like nothing was wrong.
The final discussion last night never really addressed the alcohol issue. He was very open and seemed supportive and willing to listen, but I couldn't go through with it. So the night was spent watching Olympics and pretending like nothing was wrong.
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Anvil, the things you say make a lot of sense.
I did a quick search online for meetings in my area and was very disappointed to see that most, if not all, are at night. Since no one knows about my issues, I wanted to see if I could start going to meetings during the day - for now - while the kids are in school. I'd think in a city of a million people that would be an option, but it doesn't seem to be. And I can't come up with an excuse to get out of the house at 8pm.
Yes, it is a huge mental hurdle. Yes, I know I need to quit because I WANT TO. I'm trying to get there, I really am. I do see the difference, I really do. Like I said earlier... logic and alcohol don't seem to be friends.
I did a quick search online for meetings in my area and was very disappointed to see that most, if not all, are at night. Since no one knows about my issues, I wanted to see if I could start going to meetings during the day - for now - while the kids are in school. I'd think in a city of a million people that would be an option, but it doesn't seem to be. And I can't come up with an excuse to get out of the house at 8pm.
Yes, it is a huge mental hurdle. Yes, I know I need to quit because I WANT TO. I'm trying to get there, I really am. I do see the difference, I really do. Like I said earlier... logic and alcohol don't seem to be friends.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 217
Just my opinion. But I think you should come clean with him. It is very difficult to live with someone and think they don't know. Most of the time they know but they also in denial. Let us know how things turn out.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Originally Posted by TryingSoHard 
Yeah, every once in a while, when I have a REALLY BAD drinking night, he will say something the next day... like, "I don't like it when you drink that much" or "You are really mean when you're drunk". Only once has he said that he thinks I shouldn't drink anymore. And so I didn't drink for 4 days... and he suggested margaritas for dinner and I said nope, but I'll make you one, and he wanted to know if it was because he said I shouldn't drink anymore and I said yes, absolutely, and he said well that's just crazy, it's not realistic and I didn't really mean it, of course you can drink if you want to... and that was the end of that.
So, wow, other people can be SuperMom and drink, too? Huh. Me and you need to be friends. 
And yes, I am the Soccer Team Mom, Brownie Troop Leader, work full time, cook, clean, etc and STILL managed to get a good buzz on every night while I was cooking dinner. Hiding my drinking was a full time job in itself.
That is so horrible, and I am so sorry that had to happen to you. I hope that you and your daughter were both ok.
I was SO sure he was going to divorce me for that! I never talked to him at the scene. But the police woman who talked to him came up to me after he left and said, "Your husband said to tell you that he is very angry with you but that he loves you." I so broke down at that point. I felt so unworthy of love.
Awesome. That is great, and I hope to one day be where you are now. That is truly wonderful.
. That is not to say that I don't have sad and depressed times still, I do, but no matter HOW bad a day I have, if I did not drink today, I accomplished something big and it is a pretty good day.
I don't want it to come to that, I really don't.
I told my best friend, kind of, via text messages last night (she lives 3 hours away). She knew I had some "secret" - I've been throwing out hints to her for months - and last night I just said, "it's alcohol" - but today we haven't talked about it at all. She's going through some really rough sh!t right now and I know that she doesn't have the energy to deal with me or my problems, so I don't feel the "relief" that I thought I'd feel from telling someone else yet. I know that she will support me and help me however she can, but she's just not ready to be there for me yet and I accept that.
Thank you very much for your understanding and support. It means a lot.
Oh, btw, I got my therapist through the EAP program at my husband's work (employee assistance program). I looked up a therapist on their list that specialized in alcohol treatment/therapy and I chose a woman so she might be able to relate. I got VERY lucky and it cost VERY little. I have also found that I feel less depressed now that I am not drinking. The alcohol was amplifying the depression.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
And call the AA office and tell them what you need as far as meetings. Ask if they can recommend any. If not, I KNOW they would be happy to send a woman over to 12 step you and talk.
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Originally Posted by anvilhead
i'm not bashing your online search skills, but did you go thru the AA website to look for meetings?
try this link, at the top you can type in your city.....
Alcoholics Anonymous : Central Offices, Intergroups, Answering Services and General Service Conference Area Web Sites for (US/Canada)
and then goes to the various Intergroups and Regional sections for your area......if you'd like, PM me and i'll see if can help. (did i mention i'm also a codie??? LOL)
try this link, at the top you can type in your city.....
Alcoholics Anonymous : Central Offices, Intergroups, Answering Services and General Service Conference Area Web Sites for (US/Canada)
and then goes to the various Intergroups and Regional sections for your area......if you'd like, PM me and i'll see if can help. (did i mention i'm also a codie??? LOL)
Thanks!
p.s. I am the Google QUEEN so I have a good bit of faith in my online research skills! But I admit this is uncharted territory for me.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
You say you have insurance coverage for therapy? Fantastic! Why not
talk to your husband about that? And go conjointly and separately.
It seems there is a communication problem..our disease will do that.
And you certainly do need "someone to talk to". Great idea.
talk to your husband about that? And go conjointly and separately.
It seems there is a communication problem..our disease will do that.
And you certainly do need "someone to talk to". Great idea.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Hi Trying!
I'm glad that you are feeling better. Isolation, lonliness and fear are all part of this disease. It has caused me to lie to my husband so many times, that I hang my head in shame. I'm sure that he knows when I am lying and it just sits there like an unacknowledged rock between us. I want to say that I don't want to lie to him, but that I am SO AFRAID of his reaction. As I said b4, safety and security are BIG issues for me, so I can totally understand your feelings.
On the other hand, I think that he knows that the drinking Jekyl (or was it Hyde?) is not the true me and, when we have had discussions about my drinking, he now knows how much I need his support rather than condemnation. As I said b4, I don't know the strength of your marriage, but I think that you'll be surprised at his support and encouragement. It is such a relief to "come clean" and face this issue in front of you as a team, rather than let it sit between you as a an unacknowledged rock.
I'm glad that you are feeling better. Isolation, lonliness and fear are all part of this disease. It has caused me to lie to my husband so many times, that I hang my head in shame. I'm sure that he knows when I am lying and it just sits there like an unacknowledged rock between us. I want to say that I don't want to lie to him, but that I am SO AFRAID of his reaction. As I said b4, safety and security are BIG issues for me, so I can totally understand your feelings.
On the other hand, I think that he knows that the drinking Jekyl (or was it Hyde?) is not the true me and, when we have had discussions about my drinking, he now knows how much I need his support rather than condemnation. As I said b4, I don't know the strength of your marriage, but I think that you'll be surprised at his support and encouragement. It is such a relief to "come clean" and face this issue in front of you as a team, rather than let it sit between you as a an unacknowledged rock.
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