All hell is about to break loose
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Hi everyone,
First I want to say THANK YOU to each and every one of you for your support, understanding, and caring. It means more than you know. It helps incredibly to know that there are other people out there who know what I'm going through and can relate to how I feel and why I feel it.
Nothing more got said last night. I think it was Self who said he sounds like he's content to stay in denial. I am pretty sure that's the case.
Now that I'm sober, let me explain a little more about what happened.
I started drinking vodka & diet coke about 4:30 or 5:00 yesterday. I had two pretty strong drinks before my husband and oldest son got home, but I thought I was handling it pretty well. I was getting dinner prepped, I had vacuumed, I had unloaded the dishwasher, I had helped the little one with his homework. All was going well, or so I thought. My husband and older son got home around 6 or a little after and I guess the vodka had kicked in more than I thought. Apparently I was already asking the same questions every 5 minutes, already forgetting that I had just asked. We got through dinner and my husband wanted to talk to me alone in the other room. He was very ... mad isn't really the right word... stern, I guess and demanded to know what was wrong with me, what was I on... was it drugs, was it alcohol, what was it (all he had seen me drink was one beer). At first I wouldn't tell him anything at all, but he kept getting more and more insistent. When he seemed to honestly think drugs were an option, I told him no, it wasn't that. He said then what? I said alcohol. He said what - I said vodka. He asked how much and I told him. He seemed to drop it after that, like that answer satisfied him or at least made him feel better that that's "all it was". He never said that, that's just the impression I got - especially since it never came up again.
We put the little one to bed and then he wanted to talk some more. The alcohol thing never came up during this second discussion. It was much more calm, he was more worried than angry, and he was willing to listen. Unfortunately I was not willing to confess everything. I've told him in the past (most recently last weekend) that I feel I can't confide in him because I'm afraid he's going to judge me and not understand. He says that he just might surprise me. I don't know. I also told him that I can't talk to him because he's already got too much on his plate. He is stressed about work and school, and I am the person he vents to. I am the person EVERYBODY vents to. And I don't mind that at all, but it leaves me with NO ONE to talk to. I am the one who has to be strong for everyone else. No one ever has the time or room to be strong for me.
I do believe that he means well. I do believe that he cares and is worried. I just don't know if I can believe that he is up for this. What it will mean once it's out in the open and we both have to deal with it.
Today I am back to being filled with shame and self-loathing and all of that fun stuff. Today I am back to being depressed and feeling like there's no reason to get out of bed. Today I am back to asking myself what's the freaking point of even trying to quit, feeling like I might as well just give in and let the disease take over.
I know that's just the depression and disease talking, but it's how I feel right now.
I'm sorry for rambling.
First I want to say THANK YOU to each and every one of you for your support, understanding, and caring. It means more than you know. It helps incredibly to know that there are other people out there who know what I'm going through and can relate to how I feel and why I feel it.
Nothing more got said last night. I think it was Self who said he sounds like he's content to stay in denial. I am pretty sure that's the case.
Now that I'm sober, let me explain a little more about what happened.
I started drinking vodka & diet coke about 4:30 or 5:00 yesterday. I had two pretty strong drinks before my husband and oldest son got home, but I thought I was handling it pretty well. I was getting dinner prepped, I had vacuumed, I had unloaded the dishwasher, I had helped the little one with his homework. All was going well, or so I thought. My husband and older son got home around 6 or a little after and I guess the vodka had kicked in more than I thought. Apparently I was already asking the same questions every 5 minutes, already forgetting that I had just asked. We got through dinner and my husband wanted to talk to me alone in the other room. He was very ... mad isn't really the right word... stern, I guess and demanded to know what was wrong with me, what was I on... was it drugs, was it alcohol, what was it (all he had seen me drink was one beer). At first I wouldn't tell him anything at all, but he kept getting more and more insistent. When he seemed to honestly think drugs were an option, I told him no, it wasn't that. He said then what? I said alcohol. He said what - I said vodka. He asked how much and I told him. He seemed to drop it after that, like that answer satisfied him or at least made him feel better that that's "all it was". He never said that, that's just the impression I got - especially since it never came up again.
We put the little one to bed and then he wanted to talk some more. The alcohol thing never came up during this second discussion. It was much more calm, he was more worried than angry, and he was willing to listen. Unfortunately I was not willing to confess everything. I've told him in the past (most recently last weekend) that I feel I can't confide in him because I'm afraid he's going to judge me and not understand. He says that he just might surprise me. I don't know. I also told him that I can't talk to him because he's already got too much on his plate. He is stressed about work and school, and I am the person he vents to. I am the person EVERYBODY vents to. And I don't mind that at all, but it leaves me with NO ONE to talk to. I am the one who has to be strong for everyone else. No one ever has the time or room to be strong for me.
I do believe that he means well. I do believe that he cares and is worried. I just don't know if I can believe that he is up for this. What it will mean once it's out in the open and we both have to deal with it.
Today I am back to being filled with shame and self-loathing and all of that fun stuff. Today I am back to being depressed and feeling like there's no reason to get out of bed. Today I am back to asking myself what's the freaking point of even trying to quit, feeling like I might as well just give in and let the disease take over.
I know that's just the depression and disease talking, but it's how I feel right now.
I'm sorry for rambling.
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
p.s. I just want you all to know that I never, ever felt that my actual safety was an issue last night. My husband isn't like that at all. I was scared of the situation, scared of having to finally confess my big secret, and scared of what it would mean once I did. I hope that makes sense. Thank you for the concern, though. 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
You're not babbling. It actually sounds like a good start, the door is being opened little by little. It doesn't always have to fly open with everything spread out on the table. It sounds like the conversation was a good positive thing. Sorry you're feeling crappy about yourself though…..
-Kathleen
-Kathleen
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 353
Hey TSH,
I had my moment, Bombed in front of my wife and kids. The next morning when i thought all hell was going to break loose, I simply asked for help. I told my wife I couldn't control it. To my suprise, she wasn't mad (At least didn't show it). We had a great talk, now I talk about my friends here on SR. She is very happy for my success, and even asks about some of you guys once in a while.
Keep your head up, talk about everything, and know that we are always here for you.
Heavy
I had my moment, Bombed in front of my wife and kids. The next morning when i thought all hell was going to break loose, I simply asked for help. I told my wife I couldn't control it. To my suprise, she wasn't mad (At least didn't show it). We had a great talk, now I talk about my friends here on SR. She is very happy for my success, and even asks about some of you guys once in a while.
Keep your head up, talk about everything, and know that we are always here for you.
Heavy
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Originally Posted by littlefish 
Hey there Tryingsohard:
Are you feeling nervous and afraid to tell your husband because you are anticipating judgementalism and anger?
Are you feeling nervous and afraid to tell your husband because you are anticipating judgementalism and anger?
Then, the night before my son's 8th birthday, I got totally smashed. I ended up "disappearing" for the whole evening and slept it off in a storage room. I told him the next morning. Well, then I was in for a surprise. He didn't believe me. He said, "oh, you are not an alcoholic". Well, slap me down.
At one and the same moment, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders because I wasn't alone in this anymore. Someone else knew. But, I also had my work cut out for me to educate him about alcoholicism and he needed to accept that it is a reality in my life.
At one and the same moment, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders because I wasn't alone in this anymore. Someone else knew. But, I also had my work cut out for me to educate him about alcoholicism and he needed to accept that it is a reality in my life.
And I have to admit, the thought of NEVER DRINKING AGAIN scares the crap out of me. It totally freaks me out.
I am such a loser. :sorry
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 983
And I have to admit, the thought of NEVER DRINKING AGAIN scares the crap out of me. It totally freaks me out.
Try thinking of it in smaller steps. Say you're going to quit drinking for one year to regain your composure and self control. I bet after a year you won't want to drink, but it may be an easier amount of time to wrap your head around.
Try thinking of it in smaller steps. Say you're going to quit drinking for one year to regain your composure and self control. I bet after a year you won't want to drink, but it may be an easier amount of time to wrap your head around.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
And I have to admit, the thought of NEVER DRINKING AGAIN scares the crap out of me. It totally freaks me out.
When, in 1997 my doctor told me I had cirrhosis of the liver, I l looked at
her, shook my head, and said.."No..it's not possible..I don't drink that much.
I have cancer." The (thought) of never drinking again was so terrifying
that (I would rather have had cancer) than a cirrhotic liver.
I fully understand the fear.
But..how about the thought of not drinking for just his day?
Just this one day? Not a week..a month...years..forever.
Just for today.
It is the premise that recovery programs are built upon.
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Oh boy, the fear of not using for the rest of my life scared the heck out of me. Then a wise poster told me "don't look at it as the rest of your life, start with not using today. If that scares you, then consider not using for the hour, or even minute"
Those are words I never forgot and have been beyond helpful...so I'm passing them on to you.
Those are words I never forgot and have been beyond helpful...so I'm passing them on to you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 206
Trying, I'm following your story as I'm sure many are. It is important that you internalize and embrace your worth as a human being, a wife, and a mommy. In the same paragraphs you describe some of the great things you do for your family and then tear yourself down as a loser. While I can't relate in that regard, I do feel for you and want to add my perspective on the gravity of the situation. Is it possible that you want to quit but that you may be using the fear of your husband as a built in excuse to not quit drinking for the rest of your life? Cause I'll tell you right now, although we do this day by day, it is the fear of eternity that makes us feel the despair. Losing our closest friend next to God which was vodka in your case scares the living daylights out of you. I get that totally. But even if it does how does that change anything? It isn't an option for any of us to quit. I'm scared of death, not seeing my daughter or son walk down the isle, being a grandpa, all of that. And it is very real isn't it. You don't have a choice do you? Neither do I. Embrace your new life as a sober person and be excited about the fact that you can offer your family so much more than ever before. Watch your motivation increase, thoughtfulness, love, understanding, patience, clarity. There are so many reasons we all do this, but all of them are positive. It is time for us all to say goodbye to our devil of a friend. I'm saying it right now and I hope you make the decision to do it to.
G O O D B Y E and thanks for nothing
G O O D B Y E and thanks for nothing
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Home
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by TryingSoHard
I truly believe he has no idea just how out of control it's gotten for me, because it's NOT out of control for him. I don't think he will understand, and I think he will be scared of the changes that will be necessary for me to get better.
Yesterday I asked him, "Will you stop at the liquor store on the way home from work? If you don't want to do that for me I understand." I knew down to my core that I should not have liquor in the house. I knew that deep down I really didn't want to continue my binge drinking. But I gave into my addictive voice that wanted liquor.
Why did I ask him? Because I hoped he would say no. I hoped he would say that he wouldn't enable my excessive drinking. But he came home with a bottle of whiskey. And part of me is pissed at him. Of course I can't stay sober b/c my husband buys liquor for me! But it's not really his fault. It's my problem. I just like the feeling of blaming my lack of sobriety on somebody else.
Wow, not sure what my point is here. I guess just realize he may stay in denial like my husband. And our addictive minds will use that as an excuse to keep drinking.
Never drinking again scares me too. I have visions of taking fantastic vacations 10 to 20 years in the future. Vacations with wine at great restaurants and fruity drinks on the beach. But I might not live that long if I keep drinking. Maybe I'll be in jail if I keep drinking. Maybe I can't afford vacations if I keep drinking. Maybe I'll have nobody left in my life to vacation with if I keep drinking.
Guest
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 321
Wow. I am sorry you had to go through this. It sounds like you have a guy there who loves you, though. That's a good thing. I think you should be honest with him, though. You said everyone dumps on you, and you have a guy there who told you, "you might be surprised" at his support?
Maybe he has had a friend in the past with this problem, or someone from College, or a family member, that he might not have discussed with you....since this subject never seems to come up??? You never know.
But, him saying that "you might be surprised", makes me feel that he will be supportive. You need someone to lean on now. It's time to take off that "hat" of taking care of others, and allow the person you married, and supports you, to take care of you. At least, you should be honest with him. Tell him you are afraid of his judgement before you even get started. Then, cut loose. You'll feel really good getting it out, it'll be like a huge weight off of you.
I hope that you can, and I REALLY hope that he is there for you. If he is, you are a lucky person.
And, BTW, you are NOT a LOSER! Don't ever say that. We've all felt that way, but, the fact is, that it is not true.
You are a loving and caring person with a problem. That's it. Everyone has problems. And, it is NOT a weakness, either. It is a disease. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise, or make you feel otherwise, either.
Slingshot Prayers for you now.
Hugs,
Honu
Maybe he has had a friend in the past with this problem, or someone from College, or a family member, that he might not have discussed with you....since this subject never seems to come up??? You never know.
But, him saying that "you might be surprised", makes me feel that he will be supportive. You need someone to lean on now. It's time to take off that "hat" of taking care of others, and allow the person you married, and supports you, to take care of you. At least, you should be honest with him. Tell him you are afraid of his judgement before you even get started. Then, cut loose. You'll feel really good getting it out, it'll be like a huge weight off of you.
I hope that you can, and I REALLY hope that he is there for you. If he is, you are a lucky person.
And, BTW, you are NOT a LOSER! Don't ever say that. We've all felt that way, but, the fact is, that it is not true.
You are a loving and caring person with a problem. That's it. Everyone has problems. And, it is NOT a weakness, either. It is a disease. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise, or make you feel otherwise, either.
Slingshot Prayers for you now.
Hugs,
Honu
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 217
nayster- We've been here together for a while. Don't give up now. Did you drink? If so just pick up and continue on the sober road. I have relapsed many times but the important thing is I am still trying. I WILL GET IT RIGHT.
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
Trying, I'm following your story as I'm sure many are. It is important that you internalize and embrace your worth as a human being, a wife, and a mommy.
Is it possible that you want to quit but that you may be using the fear of your husband as a built in excuse to not quit drinking for the rest of your life? Cause I'll tell you right now, although we do this day by day, it is the fear of eternity that makes us feel the despair. Losing our closest friend next to God which was vodka in your case scares the living daylights out of you. I get that totally.
But even if it does how does that change anything? It isn't an option for any of us to quit. I'm scared of death, not seeing my daughter or son walk down the isle, being a grandpa, all of that. And it is very real isn't it. You don't have a choice do you? Neither do I.
Embrace your new life as a sober person and be excited about the fact that you can offer your family so much more than ever before. Watch your motivation increase, thoughtfulness, love, understanding, patience, clarity. There are so many reasons we all do this, but all of them are positive. It is time for us all to say goodbye to our devil of a friend. I'm saying it right now and I hope you make the decision to do it to.
G O O D B Y E and thanks for nothing
G O O D B Y E and thanks for nothing
I think that's another reason I am afraid to tell my husband. I think part of me knows that once I tell him, it's over. If I drink after I tell him, it will have to be when he's not around because I am certain that he will not enable me once he knows how bad things are. I'm afraid of the change. I'm afraid of the accountability. I'm afraid of having to cope, because I can't cope.
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Originally Posted by nayster
Wow, I could have written that. I told my husband about my out of control drinking a couple weeks ago and felt huge relief. He was supportive but didn't say much. Like you said, I don't think he understands.
Yesterday I asked him, "Will you stop at the liquor store on the way home from work? If you don't want to do that for me I understand." I knew down to my core that I should not have liquor in the house. I knew that deep down I really didn't want to continue my binge drinking. But I gave into my addictive voice that wanted liquor.
Why did I ask him? Because I hoped he would say no. I hoped he would say that he wouldn't enable my excessive drinking. But he came home with a bottle of whiskey. And part of me is pissed at him. Of course I can't stay sober b/c my husband buys liquor for me! But it's not really his fault. It's my problem. I just like the feeling of blaming my lack of sobriety on somebody else.
Wow, not sure what my point is here. I guess just realize he may stay in denial like my husband. And our addictive minds will use that as an excuse to keep drinking.
Never drinking again scares me too. I have visions of taking fantastic vacations 10 to 20 years in the future. Vacations with wine at great restaurants and fruity drinks on the beach. But I might not live that long if I keep drinking. Maybe I'll be in jail if I keep drinking. Maybe I can't afford vacations if I keep drinking. Maybe I'll have nobody left in my life to vacation with if I keep drinking.
Yesterday I asked him, "Will you stop at the liquor store on the way home from work? If you don't want to do that for me I understand." I knew down to my core that I should not have liquor in the house. I knew that deep down I really didn't want to continue my binge drinking. But I gave into my addictive voice that wanted liquor.
Why did I ask him? Because I hoped he would say no. I hoped he would say that he wouldn't enable my excessive drinking. But he came home with a bottle of whiskey. And part of me is pissed at him. Of course I can't stay sober b/c my husband buys liquor for me! But it's not really his fault. It's my problem. I just like the feeling of blaming my lack of sobriety on somebody else.
Wow, not sure what my point is here. I guess just realize he may stay in denial like my husband. And our addictive minds will use that as an excuse to keep drinking.
Never drinking again scares me too. I have visions of taking fantastic vacations 10 to 20 years in the future. Vacations with wine at great restaurants and fruity drinks on the beach. But I might not live that long if I keep drinking. Maybe I'll be in jail if I keep drinking. Maybe I can't afford vacations if I keep drinking. Maybe I'll have nobody left in my life to vacation with if I keep drinking.
I have those same vacation visions, but wow, you raise some very good points. I will miss vacations with wine and fruity drinks. But I suppose not having the wine is better than not having the vacation! I can't think like that right now, though. I'm not ready.
*Hugs* to you and thank you very much for your understanding. Best wishes to you.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Ugh! I wrote out a 20 minute post and poof, it is gone!
Anyway, this was SO me!! I was super Mom and a closet alcoholic. Every 4 months or so hubby would notice it and confront me. I would lie and get out of it if possible. If not I would only admit to two glasses of wine. Once I was trashed and I blamed it on the antidepressants I take. Hubby believed me and got so worried he called the doctor!
Anyway. The day before I quit drinking, my husband confronted me for being drunk. I told him that I thought I had a problem and was an alcoholic. He said no you aren't. You don't drink every day, you just need to slow down. I (my disease) was so happy. Woohoo. He just ok'd me and I could keep drinking, I would just have to be a little more careful.
Well, my HP had different plans. The next day I was in a car accident with our 8 yr old daughter and got a DUI. Well, that certainly woke my husband up. There is no denying that I had a problem now. So..I have not had a drink since and I have thrown myself into recovery. At first he just assumed (I think) that I was covering my a** for the DUI hearing and we didn't talk much about it. It was my "problem" and my deal.
Well, after about 2 1/2 months, he came to me one day and said that since I was working so hard on my recovery he thought he should do something too. He started to go to Alanon and he went to his first AA meeting to watch me take my 90 day chip.
Now that I have a few days under my belt, I am no longer ashamed, I am proud of my recovery and my work towards bettering myself and my spiritual growth. It is baby steps and I do not worry about not drinking forever (though trust me, I was obsessed over those thoughts for a while). Alcohol is always going to be there and I can get my full misery back anytime I want. Today I only worry about not drinking today.
My husband and my 16 yr old son are very proud of me today. And I am SUCH a better Mom sober (though I do not overcompensate as much anymore). But trust me, I wish my bottom did not have to happen in the back of a police car.
I hope for you that you can admit to your husband and yourself that you have a problem and you need help. Oh by the way, when I told my best friend, she also blew off the DUI as bad luck and said I should cut back. She and I just sat down this weekend and had a long talk about my alcoholism. She does not get everything as she is not an alcoholic, but she does get me, is proud of me and supports me 100%. Don't wait until something happens that forces you all to face your problem because of some seriously expensive and negative consequences. :ghug2
BTW, if you ever would like to talk, I am here. Please PM me.
Anyway, this was SO me!! I was super Mom and a closet alcoholic. Every 4 months or so hubby would notice it and confront me. I would lie and get out of it if possible. If not I would only admit to two glasses of wine. Once I was trashed and I blamed it on the antidepressants I take. Hubby believed me and got so worried he called the doctor!
Anyway. The day before I quit drinking, my husband confronted me for being drunk. I told him that I thought I had a problem and was an alcoholic. He said no you aren't. You don't drink every day, you just need to slow down. I (my disease) was so happy. Woohoo. He just ok'd me and I could keep drinking, I would just have to be a little more careful.
Well, my HP had different plans. The next day I was in a car accident with our 8 yr old daughter and got a DUI. Well, that certainly woke my husband up. There is no denying that I had a problem now. So..I have not had a drink since and I have thrown myself into recovery. At first he just assumed (I think) that I was covering my a** for the DUI hearing and we didn't talk much about it. It was my "problem" and my deal.
Well, after about 2 1/2 months, he came to me one day and said that since I was working so hard on my recovery he thought he should do something too. He started to go to Alanon and he went to his first AA meeting to watch me take my 90 day chip.
Now that I have a few days under my belt, I am no longer ashamed, I am proud of my recovery and my work towards bettering myself and my spiritual growth. It is baby steps and I do not worry about not drinking forever (though trust me, I was obsessed over those thoughts for a while). Alcohol is always going to be there and I can get my full misery back anytime I want. Today I only worry about not drinking today.
My husband and my 16 yr old son are very proud of me today. And I am SUCH a better Mom sober (though I do not overcompensate as much anymore). But trust me, I wish my bottom did not have to happen in the back of a police car.
I hope for you that you can admit to your husband and yourself that you have a problem and you need help. Oh by the way, when I told my best friend, she also blew off the DUI as bad luck and said I should cut back. She and I just sat down this weekend and had a long talk about my alcoholism. She does not get everything as she is not an alcoholic, but she does get me, is proud of me and supports me 100%. Don't wait until something happens that forces you all to face your problem because of some seriously expensive and negative consequences. :ghug2
BTW, if you ever would like to talk, I am here. Please PM me.
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Originally Posted by Honu
Wow. I am sorry you had to go through this. It sounds like you have a guy there who loves you, though. That's a good thing. I think you should be honest with him, though. You said everyone dumps on you, and you have a guy there who told you, "you might be surprised" at his support?
Maybe he has had a friend in the past with this problem, or someone from College, or a family member, that he might not have discussed with you....since this subject never seems to come up??? You never know.
Maybe he has had a friend in the past with this problem, or someone from College, or a family member, that he might not have discussed with you....since this subject never seems to come up??? You never know.
I guess I've never thought about the possibility that he's known someone else with this problem. It's never come up in conversation before (and I've known him for 11 years). I took his "surprised" comment to mean that I might be surprised at how understanding and supportive he can be, because I haven't had to lean on him for quite some time now - he does all the leaning. But I guess maybe I really might be surprised. There's only one way to find out.
But, him saying that "you might be surprised", makes me feel that he will be supportive. You need someone to lean on now. It's time to take off that "hat" of taking care of others, and allow the person you married, and supports you, to take care of you. At least, you should be honest with him. Tell him you are afraid of his judgement before you even get started. Then, cut loose. You'll feel really good getting it out, it'll be like a huge weight off of you.
I hope that you can, and I REALLY hope that he is there for you. If he is, you are a lucky person.
I hope that you can, and I REALLY hope that he is there for you. If he is, you are a lucky person.
And, BTW, you are NOT a LOSER! Don't ever say that. We've all felt that way, but, the fact is, that it is not true.
You are a loving and caring person with a problem. That's it. Everyone has problems. And, it is NOT a weakness, either. It is a disease. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise, or make you feel otherwise, either.
Slingshot Prayers for you now.
You are a loving and caring person with a problem. That's it. Everyone has problems. And, it is NOT a weakness, either. It is a disease. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise, or make you feel otherwise, either.
Slingshot Prayers for you now.
aka Emma
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: dublin, ireland
Posts: 24
I think the best thing you can do is reveal everything, every emotion every feeling. Open up like a book, no holds barred, it will be tough but it will be the first step to recovery! Lots of love.
Emma x
Emma x
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Oh, I forgot to give you a little slap on the hand for saying you are a loser! I KNOW that feeling and you are not! Easy for me to say to you but I know it is hard to feel sometimes.
I also started seeing a therapist and she is helping me to not be everything to everyone and how to ask for help. Because being Super Mom/wife/employee/co-worker/sibling/daughter/friend is just gonna burn me out and take me right back out.
I also started seeing a therapist and she is helping me to not be everything to everyone and how to ask for help. Because being Super Mom/wife/employee/co-worker/sibling/daughter/friend is just gonna burn me out and take me right back out.
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Originally Posted by TTOSBT
Ugh! I wrote out a 20 minute post and poof, it is gone!
Anyway, this was SO me!! I was super Mom and a closet alcoholic. Every 4 months or so hubby would notice it and confront me. I would lie and get out of it if possible. If not I would only admit to two glasses of wine. Once I was trashed and I blamed it on the antidepressants I take. Hubby believed me and got so worried he called the doctor!
So, wow, other people can be SuperMom and drink, too? Huh. Me and you need to be friends.
Well, my HP had different plans. The next day I was in a car accident with our 8 yr old daughter and got a DUI. Well, that certainly woke my husband up. There is no denying that I had a problem now. So..I have not had a drink since and I have thrown myself into recovery. At first he just assumed (I think) that I was covering my a** for the DUI hearing and we didn't talk much about it. It was my "problem" and my deal.
Now that I have a few days under my belt, I am no longer ashamed, I am proud of my recovery and my work towards bettering myself and my spiritual growth. It is baby steps and I do not worry about not drinking forever (though trust me, I was obsessed over those thoughts for a while). Alcohol is always going to be there and I can get my full misery back anytime I want. Today I only worry about not drinking today.
I hope for you that you can admit to your husband and yourself that you have a problem and you need help. Oh by the way, when I told my best friend, she also blew off the DUI as bad luck and said I should cut back. She and I just sat down this weekend and had a long talk about my alcoholism. She does not get everything as she is not an alcoholic, but she does get me, is proud of me and supports me 100%. Don't wait until something happens that forces you all to face your problem because of some seriously expensive and negative consequences.
I told my best friend, kind of, via text messages last night (she lives 3 hours away). She knew I had some "secret" - I've been throwing out hints to her for months - and last night I just said, "it's alcohol" - but today we haven't talked about it at all. She's going through some really rough sh!t right now and I know that she doesn't have the energy to deal with me or my problems, so I don't feel the "relief" that I thought I'd feel from telling someone else yet. I know that she will support me and help me however she can, but she's just not ready to be there for me yet and I accept that.
Thank you very much for your understanding and support. It means a lot.
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
I SO want to see a therapist! I've had depression issues for years - controlled on again, off again - and I have felt the need to get it under control again for about a year. Unfortunately I have crappy luck with therapists and I'm not up to just taking a chance on whoever's name is next on my insurance list.
I wish I had someone to talk to.
I wish I had someone to talk to.
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