Thinking about you tonight and praying that all goes well.

Thanks, everyone. I'm not sure where I stand right now.

We talked a little bit about an hour ago but not so much about the alcohol aspect... it was more about what's wrong and why can't I talk to him. The vodka thing didn't come up again during the conversation, but I can't promise it won't come up later tonight.

He seemed genuinely sorry that I felt I could not turn to him in my time of need. He seemed genuinely willing to attempt to help me going forward. We just didn't talk about what exactly he needs to help me with. That part of it just got skipped. I am starting to think he doesn't want to acknowledge it as much as I don't.

I had been texting my best friend during this, so she at least knows it's about alcohol, but she doesn't know exactly what. We haven't had a chance to talk yet.

I think the hardest part of this is still ahead of me.

For what it's worth, I researched local AA meetings today and there are NONE during the day! Why is that?!? Why are they all at night? Now that both my kids are in school I thought for sure I could do something during the day, but... apparently not.

Glad to hear that your husband wants to help! That's great news.

I hope you decide to tell him everything. I know it is hard to, and that neither of you want to hear it out loud, but I really think it will help.

I don't know if I can tell him everything. I guess we'll see what happens later tonight once the older child is in bed. I guess we'll see how much he decides to ask once it's just us.

I'm still skeptical. I'm still scared.

(((((TryingSoHard)))))

Some AA meetings allow children. How old are your kids? I know in my small city we have several morning/early afternoon meetings. Call the AA hotline, They may be able to help your situation.

:ghug3

They are 5 and 14. They are now both in school, so my days are free, which is why I was hoping I could catch a daytime meeting.

Oh well.

I am praying for you. For what it is worth, about 4 months ago pretty much the same thing played out for me. First I told my best friend, then I told my husband. They were both very supportative. They were hurt because I lied to them and they were scared for me.

I think AA is a great idea. I went to an AA meeting the morning after I told them I was an alcoholic. It surprises me that there are not any day meetings. Are you in a small town? Maybe try calling the local AA number. I have found that the AA website leaves something to be desired in regard to current and accurate meeting information.

I hope and pray for the best. Think about today. Tomorrow will come and then you can think about it. Try not to stress out about the "what ifs".

:Flower:

Nope, I'm in a large town, which is why it surprises me even more that all the meetings are at night. Well, maybe there are some daytime meetings downtown but I don't want to go downtown (30 minutes away and bad part of town). I will figure something out, I guess. I'm just overwhelmed right now.

Thanks again, everyone, for your support and thoughts and prayers. I am so glad I've found you all.

I'm praying for you too and thinking good thoughts. If he truly is in the dark about your problem and you can turn it around now, maybe you can avoid the thousands of fights about drinking that some of us have been in with our spouses. Maybe you can make a fresh start from here on. Now he will know why you haven't felt that you can talk to him, and maybe there will be relief on both sides. Thinking of you!!!

I hate to say this and hope you don't take it wrong but maybe it would better to talk tomorrow when your mind is clearer and not on the vodka? Just a suggestion sweetie........ You can tell me to shut up.

Thinking of you and your family tonight.........

Trying....

Sorry I did not see this earlier...

You might try a meeting (take someone with you the first time)

and get an updated list there. Hopefully there are some daytime...usually

they run at 8 and 12 as well as evening..

:praying:

Hey there Tryingsohard:
Are you feeling nervous and afraid to tell your husband because you are anticipating judgementalism and anger?
Well, your feelings are SO understandable. Finally finding the resolve and courage to tell your signifigant other that you have a drinking problem or believe you are an alcoholic is like walking over coals. It was one of the hardest things I ever did.
But, try to look at it another way.
My therapist was pushing me for months to do that. To tell my husband. I just woudn't do it. I was ashamed. Then, the night before my son's 8th birthday, I got totally smashed. I ended up "disappearing" for the whole evening and slept it off in a storage room. I told him the next morning. Well, then I was in for a surprise. He didn't believe me. He said, "oh, you are not an alcoholic". Well, slap me down.
At one and the same moment, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders because I wasn't alone in this anymore. Someone else knew. But, I also had my work cut out for me to educate him about alcoholicism and he needed to accept that it is a reality in my life.
That was 10 years ago.
Maybe your husband may turn judgemental on you and become critical towards you. That is a risk, but then, you just have your work cut out for you there to educate him and give him ways to support you.
Good luck! We are all here for you!

Oh wow, Trying. :hug: I just found this thread... took the night off, so to speak :)

It sounds like your husband would be pretty content to continue living in denial. This is not an easy thing to talk about...

Something I'm pondering doing in my situation is leaving literature around for him to pick up? Then starting a conversation? That way it would also be on your terms, I bet that would be a lot easier.

Wow, what a night. I hope you are feeling better today.

Trying, I'm with you honey. I'm sorry, but I was gone last night, so haven't read this until today. I don't know the history of your marriage, but it is unlikely that your husband is completely in the dark. Also, he's your husband, and I'm sure that he wants you to get well, but may have no clue how to help that happen. Mine gave me ultimatums, anger, support, frustration...the whole gamut. We were both clueless. But one thing that is true: he does want me to get better, is willing to help (I have to tell him how and what works best for me). Understand that he is probably just as frightened as you. People who are not alcoholic just don't get it. They don't understand the obsession, the Jekyl/Hyde personality, the underlying shame, the self esteem issues, etc. Maybe point him in the direction of Alanon, or some forum (this one may be too close for your comfort) that provides support and info to family members?

I'm an emotionally basketcase if my "safety" is threatened. It's all about fear of the unknown and that which can't be controlled. I can so relate.

I hope so desperately that you are OK. Please let us all know. You are in my prayers. :praying

Many hugs to you. You are in my thoughts. I was almost at that same place this past weekend... Keep fighting for your truth.

Saliena

I hope you are doing better today Trying, keep us updated.

i am thinkin bout ya

Hang in there! We are all here for you. You MUST talk to him. It is inevitable and you will feel so much better after you get it all out. I did with my husband and I am so relieved. No more secrets.

Hi. I know your situation well. My wife thought it was good that I didn't want to drink anymore but she still would say, "I still don't understand why you can't just have a couple." So I blamed it on the doctor to start, it made it easier. Everybody knows I have high blood pressure. Drinking and HBP are a bad combo so I said I was stopping until I could bring it under control. I don't think this is the safest way to go because you haven't truly let someone know, but it is better than nothing. Later on I told everyone that same story every time they asked me why I wasn't drinking. It may be a good call for you. Say you are allergic, whatever, just let everybody know that you are stopping as social judgement is a huge barrier to overcome.