dave

I have been sober now for a while and i was wondering it may sound strange but man am i lonely i go to my meetings twice a week and all but i have been having alot of lonely times.I have been on holidays and am jest doing yard work and such maybe its depression setting in.I have no urge what so ever to drink but its almost like i have been when i have been drinking the lonley times.Do others with abit of sobriety go thru this and what do they do??Thanks Dave

lizw

Hi Dave

I hear ya. I've been sober a few years and since my health got bad nearly 2 years ago, I've spent a lot of time on my own. When most people are at work, I am at home! So I get lonely from time to time too, I think it is part of being human, rather than being an alcoholic. Us alkies just get it extremely at times, that's all.

I try to make an effort to go see friends for a coffee and join some groups that aren't recovery based. I.e. a writers group (since I am a writer) and a public speaking group too. The public speaking group scares the heck out of me but I am glad I go.

Do you have any hobbies? Interests?

Anna

Hi Dave,

Welcome (from a fellow-Canadian).

It sounds like you're really doing well. I think Liz is right and that being lonely can be part of life. I did find that I enjoyed spending time with myself in sobriety, which I hadn't wanted to do when I was drinking.

Volunteering in your community is a good way to meet people.

nogard

hi dave, good advice from Anna and liz.

I have found that I am not the loner I thought I was and in fact I love just being around people, not all teh time but on a regular basis.

Having said that I am off for a shower and then off to see some people before I go stir crazy out here

Kevin

1963comet

Hi Dave

Was at a smart recovery meeting last night. A guy had 3 years sober and drank because he was lonely and got a 3rd DUI. He said the first two years would be easy because of the courts but after that he was worried.

People there said that we need to learn to be social without drinking. he just worked so hard that he needed to have fun time for himself. It is finding a healthy and balanced life style that helps a great deal. Tons of good reading at the SMART websight. Might add some help with what you are already doing.

Just an idea.

Daddio

Hey dave. Sometimes, some of us are alone kinda folks. I've been single now for ten years and just deal with it. But I am not necessarily "lonely". I haven't been sober that long mind you. Just don't associate loneliness with sobriety.

Get you butt out there and meet some people. You are doing fine just being a human. Er, uh, a sober human.....

scorpiogirl

Hello Dave,

I read the other's posts before I replied and I'm not on the same page as them. Here's my two-cents.

Alcoholism is a disease of isolation and lonliness. To combat that, we go to meetings - daily would be way more helpful or at least 4-5 times a week. Sounds like alot? How often did you drink or use? We need to replace that with meetings and being around like-minded people. 12-steppers.

I have 20+ years and just got out of a bout of the lonlies myself. Even after all these years, I didn't remember that I needed to step up my meetings. As soon as I added back in a couple more meetings, gee, I felt better!

My first 5 years, I went to a meeting every, single day. Then maybe 5-6 times a week. I recently moved from a state with alot of people and lots and lots of meetings to a state that doesn't have as many meetings and they're not as close. I still manage to make 4 meetings a week. If I dip below that, I get squirrley, the depression starts to creep in and I feel disconnected from myself, from life and from people. I add back in 1 or 2 meetings and I feel better. The medicine is really that simple!

We have a lifetime disease. Remember in the beginning you were asked if you were "willing to go to any lengths"? May I ask how much time you have?

I wish you all the best! It's a balancing act. Our disease is the only one that gets better by just stopping doing it (but we do have to treat it by going to meetings and hanging out with other people in recovery; otherwise, our heads will be out to get us!)

Rella927

Welcome Dave! Glad that you found us!

Congrats on the sober time-

TheBean

I completely get how you're feeling- I feel very alone sometimes. I have NO desire whatsoever to make new friends. However, I am pretty happy right now. I think you need to think hard about if you're depressed, and if so, find some help of some kind. Having a loner-type personality and being in self-imposed exile are two different things! Wishing you the best, and empathizing...

deezaldog

Oh Yah! I have been sober 16mo and still have those lonely times. I was a recluse alcoholic.. Now I attend 9mtgs every week. I need it for my sobriety. You are not alone!

dave

Thanks everybody for your advise i really needed to hear it.Yes maybe it is time to go to more meeting and meet more people at other places then the 2 a week my home group has,Its always great to come to this site and hear the advise and stories people have to tell amazing and i wish you all another24hrs.thanks from Canada...