timeforchange

Well, I made it through Saturday and Sunday night without drinking. I feel fine. It's not really a challenge for me when I work late into the night/early morning. I'm so tired, and all I want to do is go to bed when I get home. The real challenge come on my nights off, when boredom consumes me, which I usually cure with a drink. Luckily, I have to work for the next 3 days. So this shouldn't be too bad.

I was reading the replies from my last post. Someone asked me do I really want to be sober. I think that is my biggest setback right now. I want to be sober, I tell myself all day long that I want to be sober...but it doesn't take much to change my mind. I want to be sober, but I think I get angry at the fact that I HAVE to be sober if I want to live normally, because I can't drink normally. Then I just say 'F it!' and I drink, because I'm angry that I can't....if that makes any sense. Basically, it's much easier to give in and believe that I can drink if I want, rather than fight with myself.

I also like the suggestion to only think about what I will do in that moment. I think that's the best way for me to think. After reading that, I realized, those are usually the times that get me. It happens so fast. I will tell myself all evening that I'm not going to drink tonight, then if I read about someone drinking, or see someone drinking, I want to drink. Small things like that change my mind instantly, and I decide to have a drink. I like to fool myself when I have one drink and think, 'see, this is normal. People have one a drink a night all the time. I'm just having one, I'm fine.' But normal people don't think like that while they're drinking, and they're not thinking about the decision to drink or not to drink alllllllllll dayyyyyyyyyyy loooooong.

Alright, I'm rambling. That's all for now.

Rella927

Congrats to you! Glad that you made it through the weekend...

This thinking has brought me to a better place in life...it works if we work it!

Maybe start yourself on a new routine from day to day that will not include drinking-but rather maybe a meeting, reading, walking, just sitting outside and watching the birds-I'm not an alcoholic and I sure do not know what it is like to go through what a lot of you do but I have figured out how to make my chaotic life better for myself-and I have faith that you can too- You are not alone others have been where you are so be gentle with yourself and keep posting here!

TryingSoHard

Me and you are in exactly the same boat (except that I didn't have a sober weekend). I could have written that post, or you could have been writing it about me. You are not alone.

SelfSeeking

Congratulations on your sober weekend Even if you weren't having mean cravings, it's still a decision you made and stuck to. In fact if you're like me, those are times when you might think, "I'm not craving. I could probably have a drink and stop at one or two!" Lol...

HideorSeek

I agree TFC, I feel sometimes like I'm 2 (maybe more) people. I want to get sober, but I think I want it to "happen" (without me doing the necessary work). I also wonder sometimes, if I have truly given up on drinking. Don't get me wrong, I ABSOLUTELY know that I'm an alcoholic and it causes me nothing but heartache, relationship pain, self-loathing, physical, emotional and spiritual discomfort. How can my list for not drinking be so long and clearheaded, while the list for drinking is just one item: a VERY short feeling of wellbeing before the guilt, remorse and shame come rushing in? I don't have the answer to that. Because I'm an alcoholic?? is the best I can come up with. Until I figure out WHY I want to punish myself, I will not be rid of this demon. I'm working on it though. Each day that I am sober, I put a little more self-esteem back into my soul. Hopefully, in time, I will have enough to make me like myself. That's the key I think...

I'm rambling now, sorry...

bostonluv

It makes total sense to me and that's why they say one day at a time. Took me a long to grasp this. In fact, I'm still working on it but my one days have added up to up to 4 weeks now and I just grasped that people on their 365 day did it the same way. I cannot tell myself forever or I freak. Just my two cents.

Dean62

All those reasons we have not to drink and yet we still drink. Obviously none of them are a good enough reasons or we would have stopped. Wanting to stop isn't enough either or you would have stopped. You are now beyond help. You must stop looking at those things as a reason for stopping because they aren't enough. Looking at your reasons for quitting and then just trying to stop will never work.

You have to recognize that where you are at right now your alcohol addiction is now more powerful then you and it will always be that way. I understand not wanting to think about never drinking again and being frustrated by that. But it is the truth.

Accept it.

Right now you can't imagine life without alcohol but I'm telling you it is not that important. The importance you give to it is an illusion. Don't entertain the illusion anymore.

You don't have to ever drink again.

Put it down and walk away. When you walk away you will see it is a very very small part of life. There is so much more to life then wasting away doing nothing.

Stop fighting it.

You have lost, alcohol has won and it is over. Gracefully surrender your defeat and move on to the wonderful life that is now ahead of you free of the very very limited prison of selfish addiction. Freedom is found in giving to and loving others. I have no desire to drink when I am feeling love for others and gratitude in my heart to my HP for all the beautiful little things that are life.

You are about to shed the past. Allow it to leave you, it is the old you. Remember that when you think about drinking. That is the old way, it doesn't work anymore. The new way is not about alcohol it's about enjoying life.

txsar

Dean62, thanks for you post. I do believe what you are saying. Like bostonluv I get a little freaked out when i think about 'forever'. My problem with drinking is what it is. I need to accept it, change it (me), and move on and enjoy life!

txsar

timeforchange

Dean, thank you so much. I was thinking about that response all day and all night. thank you thank you thank you