JIreland

Hey,

Sorry but I just wrote a very long message describing everything which took 30-40 mins but when I went to submit it I was logged out and the message was deleted when I went back.

In order words..its 3am and I will try keep this short

Right now I am 21 and I have a bad drinking problem.
Most nights I drink at least a 70cl bottle of vodka, normally more with cans of cider.

I have had a drinking problem since I was around 17 I would say. I started drinking with friends when I was around 15 and got heavy about 16-17 drinking most days.

I did really well in school and got great qualifications in normal school then in a course after school.
I run my own business on the internet which does great and makes great money but with this comes a lot of stress and responsibility.

I don't like to get personal (I never do in real life) but I don't know if this will help here at all in terms of recovery...
But I was kicked out of the house when I was 16 because I didnt get on with my mum's new husband, and my dad lived in england.

I rented my own apartment for around 8 months in another city and was still doing work but I was also partying way too much, I got in with the wrong people and started taking speed, coke and ecstasy (That's what I know of anyway) and finally got evicted from my apartment just for having people over when I was drinking (I never had parties in my apartment...that was one line I had, I didn't want to effect other people but the place just didn't want me drinking there really, even though I never caused any problems.)

The longest I normally go without a drink since I was about 17 is around 2 weeks, which I have done a lot of times but it never lasted apart from once, which is when I had a motorbike.
That kept me off the drink and at night I would just go out for long rides even until 4am.

Both were stolen the week after I was evicted and I got back into drinking, sorry excuse but I had nothing else to do.

I had cut all ties with my former "friends" because they were all still on the hard drugs.

Every now and again I would have taken ecstasy again, but nothing more.
I did take it again last week (First time since around Feb - No other drugs since a long time before that), which is probably why I am on here trying to get help since the drink is bad enough.

Things are starting to get worse. I could drink 2 70cl bottles at this stage and still walk straight, which I just know is not right at all.
I used to get drunk on half of a 70cl bottle.

At 21....I have to sort my life out.
I have lost so much. My house, family, friends, my girlfriend of 3 years lately, trust from most people....I could go on but its enough for me to think about.

I REALLY hope I can get some help here.
I would never think about going to AA so this is my only option.

One thing....I did buy a new bike this week (Last 2 stolen the week after I was evicted) so I am hoping I can just stop drinking and start back on a bike again.
Obviously the drink really has to stop when it comes to a bike.

Thanks for any help

ambush0212

Hey. You've got off on the right foot by just recognizing that you have a problem and that you want to get better.This is a good place to start. But I have a question. Why wouldn't you think of going to AA? since you want to change, maybe it's not such a good idea to make your mind up about something that's helped so many achieve what you're looking for? also, there are many other types of recovery programs that cater to many different addictions and religions, etc. i'm just 9 years older than you and after struggling with alcholism and addiction for 15 years i finally came to the point where i realized i couldn't do it alone...i've found a lot of support on this site and i'm sure will too.best wishes

serenityqueen

Dee74

welcome **

I hope you find some useful stuff here - keep posting

D

JIreland

Hey,

Thank you very much for the quick reply.

AA...The reason is because I would know people here and I am too young in my frame of mind to do the same as what others are doing.
My city is very bad for addicts, not to sterotype, but it really is bad for alcohol and I wouldn't want to end up seeing people I know from my community or even family (Which has a big problem).

I am a very open person when its not something personal like this but I haven't even told my girlfriends, friends or anyone at all about this, although I think most know at this stage. I don't act it but many have said they smelled it and I have tried to hide it saying it was from the night before and saying I met up with other friends.

I hate it.

I wish I never even started drinking. It has made me happy but to a very bad extent that its actually needed to even get back to normal, evermind happy.

Thank you for your nest wishes I appreciate it

JIreland

Just saw the other posts after my reply.

Its so great having such quick replies! That's great support.

I hope my post above shows why I dont want to go to AA.

I also know my uncle is in AA and someone else in my area.
I don't want anyone to even know I have a problem to be honest. I want to deal with it myself and there is no way I can say about my past and what I have done infront of anyone that lives here or in my area, especially since I know at least 2 people that is there.

I honestly just cant do it. So this is my only option.

deezaldog

You have taken the first step-admitting you are powerless over alcohol and your life has become unmanagable. Your body requires more drink because you have used so much for so long. If you are drinking that much, that often, you will go through detox. This is not good to do alone. Alcohol detox is a serious matter and should be done with proper care. AA has been a tremendous factor to my recovery. Where I am there are groups that meet with younger alcoholics. I hope you reconsider your thought about AA. The biggest comfort is that you are not alone, your story has been lived and told by others. That is why another alcoholic can understand what you are feeling and thinking. This site is full of others who care and will offer support and advice is you ask.

tommyk

"I honestly just cant do it. So this is my only option."

Let's hope this option works then.

Keep us posted.

sobergirl77

JIreland, we have a bit in common. I also run my own internet business - I'm a blogger for a popular entertainment site. At my highest drinking point I was up to 1 70cl bottle of vodka per 24 hours, but that would have me passed out. It's hard for those of us who get to work from home because we can sit in front of the computer and drink and nobody is the wiser! (And yes, I did that, too).

Anyway, you cannot stop drinking cold turkey from that amount!! If anything, cut back slowly until you can get into a detox center. I managed to wean myself down from 1 70cl vodka per day down to nothing, but it was HELL on earth and I still had DT's and went to the hospital. If you do plan to stop cold turkey anyway, please go to a hospital or see your doctor ASAP.

Please keep posting... you are not alone! :ghug3

JIreland

Offtopic: Like I said, I own an online business (Most based on vbulletin) - I can fix the problem with vBulletin logging people out - It just did it to me again. Just let me know if you want me to help out, its really simple.


Sorry - But I can't do AA. I really cant...its a small community and with someone in my family in it...I cant do it..

If I dont even drink from around 8pm until the next day I start getting the shakes, I never thought it was that bad but I know now if I want to even slow down on the drink I still have to have some alcohol there the next morning to keep my shakes down and ease off instead of just going off straight.

A few times it had been really bad, I didnt have the money for drink and I couldnt leave the house for a few days because I was in such a bad shape.

sobergirl - You said you went down from 1 70cl and got DT - What exactly did you get?

I have been on more than that a day for at most a week and tried to go to nothing but just had to get about 1/4 70cl bottle just to get my shakes away and try get off and I was ok, but still felt like I wanted more drink the next day, just to get the "happyness" back.

I need to do this myself, AA and a detox just isn't an option for me..I have gone off it myself before, I just need some reason to stop now and something to keep me off.
I think a detox will help me come off but I can just cut down again myself but my main problem is I need something to keep me off it really.

Also...probably a very bad point...but since I was kicked out of my house when I was 16 I haven't had a legal address I can use - So I can't have a doctor either.
Which is a big reason why I have to do this myself again.

Thanks again!

CarolD

I too strongly suggest a medically supervised de tox.
You can not predict how you will react as alcoholism
is progresive thus you can be in needless danger.

De tox is generally done in 4 days.
The Salvation Army is a free one in many places.

Here is a link ..plese read

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Welcome to our recovery community

CarolD

To keep logged in make sure you have checked
the box in the Log In upper right.

Also..we have our own techie staff
but thanks for offering.

For long post you can....
Type in Word Doc...C & P here.

Hope this helps

adore79

Hi and welcome

sobergirl77

JIreland, it took me about 2 weeks or so, give or take to wean down to nothing from 1 bottle per day. I have a thread on here somewhere. I got terrible anxiety and panic attacks, heart palpitations, pains and aches, shakes, mild visual and auditory disturbances on and off for those 2 weeks. I cut back gradually and slowly, started around 10 drinks, then cut down each night one or more, then switched over to wine and weaned down from that. The night I switched from vodka to wine I was having mild auditory hallucinations and severe panic, so I went to the ER. My body was physically addicted to vodka apparently. I definitely don't recommend it to anyone, I just didn't want to leave my website with no updates for the several days I would have been in detox.

bostonluv

Hi Ireland,

I'm glad you're here. There's some threads on here about people who have recovered without AA. It's not the only choice. I can't do AA either. I keep trying and it's not for me but this site helps me tremendously and also staying busy in my life, thinking about other things. A lot of people seem to thrive in AA but it's obviously your choice. Anyway, just wanted to say Hi and welcome!! I'll be looking forward to reading your posts.

dancinggirl

I hope you can find some kind of way to do a medically supervised detox!! That worries me...it's very dangerous to come off of that much alcohol on your own. As you've been told by others, DT's can be very scary/dangerous/deadly. I hope you're ok!

That being said, I'm so proud of you for wanting to stop...for seeing a problem...and for wanting to do something about it!!!

I can understand your reluctance to AA. I use this forum as my recovery tool, as I have had problems in AA getting around the religious aspect of the groups in my town. More "god" than in church!!! Plus, if I knew that family were in my groups, I , too, would have an unwillingness to be open, which I think is necessary in recovery.

If you post before you drink...read through the threads..spend a long time in here, it could be beneficial to you. It has for me! Day 34.

Dee74

hey again

I'm sorry - this may annoy you

I'm hearing a lot about what you can't do...can't do AA...can't go to a doctor...can't do detox. OK your call, but listen for a second to someone who's been there.

I don't do AA, only SR and...it works for me - but I couldn't have gotten sober while trying to hide from friends family and the world at large too.

I didn't get sober - for 15 years - getting ever worse until everyone found out anyway - I lost jobs, friends, respect, reputation.

I should have acted years earlier - but I was proud -'I could beat it myself', 'noone need know' - and my pride nearly killed me.

If something is more important to you than stopping drinking - whether it be pride or job or whatever - be prepared to fail...you mightn't, but be prepared.

If you do fail? be prepared to lose a lot of stuff dear to you as your alcoholism progresses.

Do whatever you want to do - but do it wholeheartedly - not with one hand tied behind your back....because you'll never win.

I say all this not to make you mad or scare you - you can flip me the bird LOL.

Just sharing my experience - you're young, you can bounce back in ways I can't anymore - if you take action now.

Give it some thought, ok?
D

JIreland

Thanks very much for all the replies.

Unfortunately I didn't reply sooner because I was drinking and didn't go near the computer.

I have told myself that Monday will be the start of me going off drink, again. Hopefully I can stick to this again.

I would like to know if anyone has taken anything when coming off alcohol.
I have had to take a drink or two before just to come off, but that was only to try feel normal and stop the shakes and the general really bad feeling from stopping completely.

When it comes to telling family...(Yeah, saying it again...) but I couldn't tell them. When it was suspected that I was drinking too much some family actually just wouldn't even talk to me..admitting it would lose even more and I don't want it to be confirmed, I would rather try stop this myself.

Dee..Detox is no problem, I just have to do it myself. A doc..I cant because Im not registered for one and cant register without an address, which I cant do. AA – I can do, but I really dont want to, I want to do it myself and keep it private.

Thank you again for all the help

CarolD

Please go back to my other post...
click on the link for some de tox guidelines

Best of luck

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

As others have said, talking to your dr before you detox is a really good idea.

Detoxing from alcohol can be very dangerous.

You can go to an ER if you don't have a dr.

I wish you well!