SelfSeeking

Just like the thread title says. I am finding it next to impossible to leave the house. My temp. job (between school semesters) is extremely loosely structured, so I almost never have anything scheduled to show up for. There is a meeting in a half an hour. The idea of logging off from SR, getting up, getting presentable, driving to the meeting and having to focus on this job feels impossible.

Even that worry is a distraction from what I really need to be doing: working on my thesis. I am afraid of getting kicked out of school for not making progress on it. Fear, fear, fear. I'm doing nothing and I'm exhausted.

And now I'm afraid of being late to the )*&(^(*E meeting! Someone please me...

angie9

hey selfseeking you can do it!! Go to it breathe in and out put negative thoughts away and come back and tell us how you day went
huggs Ang

tommyk

I had that problem.

I even questioned my own ability to drive a car.

I checked myself into 'Club Med for the Head' (nice rehab) and was treated for deep clinical depression (accompanied by anxiety, panic, stess, suicidal thinking, and general lack of good common sense).

Greatest experience of my life, I was enthralled with learning about the disorder.

My recommendation is to see a psychiatrist.

Toomutch

I hope your meeting goes well and that you will be feeling motivated soon. :ghug3

deezaldog

I am going through the same thing. I am forced to get up and get going. All I want to do is stay home with my cats. Sad but true. But everyday I get up and do it. Sometimes I must "act" nice when I don't want to. At the end of the day I am delighted to know I do not need to do it again for a little while. Amazingly I feel better at the end off the day because I got out of myself. I was a reclusive alcoholic and I know that if I dont get up and going I will end up drinking again.
I understand how you feel and I wish I could be more helpful but sometimes knowing I am not alone helps me. Hope you feel better soon.

JPat

i know that feeling. it seems to me if i don't have a set schedule - i find it hard to motivate myself to get up to do even the simplest things. can you write out a daily schedule for yourself? i know it sounds corny but it might help! hang in there

Astro

Hi SS, I remember those days in early recovery of going home after work, lying in bed and watching the ceiling fan whirl around, and trying to talk myself out of going to a meeting. It was the same way I drank, at home and alone.

Like deezal shared, every day I forced myself to go to a meeting. I whined to myself for months about not wanting to go, and I felt like an @ss at the meetings, shaking and spilling coffee over myself.

But honestly, I really think I felt better every time I went to those meetings, so I kept going and eventually the program grabbed ahold of me, I held on and still haven't let go. Nowadays I can't wait to get to my afternoon meeting. No problem leaving the house at all, I'm too excited about seeing everyone at the AA meeting!

Anna

Oh yes, I can remember feeling that way.

Maybe you could try to make a list of things to do each day and prioritize it. Then you can focus on each item and feel like you are accomplishing something.

Hang in there!

SelfSeeking

Whew. Thanks for the well-wishes and suggestions. That post was really whiny.

I went to the meeting! And it was really good... The f2f interactions are soooo hard to bring myself to go through with, but they bring me back to reality. Gotta have em.

Tommy- oh yes. I know I need a psychiatrist. It's a long story but I'll get in to the student health center when school gets back in. Right now I'm stranded, taking an antidepressant prescribed to me by a doctor friend, but not actually under care. Hopefully it will get me through til September. Almost there.

JPat and 51Anna, those are really good specific suggestions! I am going to sit down tonight and write myself out a schedule. I need some structure.

*sigh* Day4 almost done.

IO Storm

Hey...still do it!

After two years sober. I have bipolar swings..

Weird thing for me..is taking a shower..it is like pulling teeth. I fear my

thoughts will run amok in there in that tight enclosed space.

But once I "just do it" I'm ready to rumble. Also..started praying in

the shower. Once I make myself do a thing..I do feel so much better.

My best to you, don't give up!

SelfSeeking

Ok, THANK YOU, I thought I was the only one like that! What the heck is with the shower phobia?? I mean, I still shower, don't get me wrong, but something about those 15 minutes in the tub... perhaps the focus on working on myself? Hm!

I really need a psychiatrist.

tommyk

I had all kinds of terror, panic, stress, fear, and I wanted complete isolation - I sat on the floor in a dark room for hours shivering. Stopped eating, stopped sleeping. Convinced myself I had brain cancer.

But there was no way they were gonna check me into rehab (which I referred to as a nuthouse).

Finally a psychiatrist said to me, "Well... aren't you nuts?"

I checked myself in immediately because, well... because I was nuts and I belonged in a nuthouse. It wasn't until later I realized that there weren't any nuts in there though, just normal people who kind of fell off the straight & narrow and needed some guidance.

IO Storm

Glad I could help..my sister goes through the same thing...I think you may

have something here..about the focus on ourselves...vulnerability.

What helps me, too is I tell myself...just like the Nike commercial..

"Just Do It!"

*Lol*

IO Storm

P.S.

And how nice to be fragrant...smooth..and flat ironed after....

Change4life

im right there with you. Me and my cat thats when Im happiest. I really have to force myself to get up. Many days I dont. Like you my job doent have much structure and I can work around my depression most days.

I cant offer much advice, only the comfort of knowing you are not alone. if you eve wnat to talk PM me. This post sounds like I wrote it. We are one in the same on this issue

least

Been there, still doing that. I have those days too. Sometimes for many days. But damn it, at least I'm sober throughout it so that's an improvement. I can only commiserate with you and understand the helplessness of it. I'd be lost without my great shrink and counselor.

I can give you a big hug tho! :ghug3

kj3880

Still there sitting alone with you. I'm so grateful for this thread, as I thought it was just me. I s@ck @ss right now. I go to work, go to a meeting (if there is one during my screwed-up hours I have off), then go to bed and watch the ceiling, or a book, or trashy TV. I'm like a freakin' hamster on a wheel. I mean, I do the barest minimum of house-keeping, grocery-getting, and laundry. I'm not even cooking right now. We eat take-out, or fix sammiches and fruit. I know it isn't healthy. Every day I pray God to make me go to the gym or something active. My doc is on board with this, he's wanting me to "just get started, just try to do it"
KJ

SelfSeeking

kj, last night I mustered up the energy to go to an AA meeting (didn't like) and do a baking project (much much better). I think maybe it's all about projects for a while for me, and maybe eventually the 'projects' will just become 'living life'. I am teaching myself to fill the hours. Also being taught by members of SR

kj3880

For me, the projects that I used to love are depressing me more right now. So I must be depressed. I just can't seem to force myself to paint or sew or bake right now at all. I take no joy in anything other than reading or TV or sleep. It's so sick. I have to figure a way out of this funk I'm in.
KJ