feelings
 

Sometimes i get the feelings come over me that i wonder what an exgirlfriend is doing. I dont know where they come from but they come. I have to admit that I think about this when they come on how she is doing, love to talk to her, but then it comes to me that it is no possible. There would be a consider amout of trouble that would come with doing these things. I know in my heart that i dont have feelings for this person anymore but mentally these thoughts come up. Also the misery I had and what i have done to this person. I am truly sorry for what I did and would love to tell her but I know i cant. I wish the best for her and no bad thoughts come up but I dont know why these thoughts are comeing up. Maybe because my mind is getting heathier and finally feelings are comeing back I dont know. If anyone has any ideas or suggestions i would love to hear them.

It's not easy but it is possible to let these kind of thoughts (like any other self-destructive or negative thoughts) come and go from your mind. Someone once told me it's kind of like if someone is knocking at your door and you just don't answer it. Just tell yourself, "Yes, I am having that thought again." And then let it go.

Just because we have these thoughts, doesn't mean they are a true reflection of us. They are thoughts. They are not us. And thoughts can run the spectrum between very, very negative and angry thought to neutal thoughts to very, very wonderful thought. None of these defines who we are. It's are actions that define who we are.

Good luck to you.

The longer I'm in recovery, the more I understand that whatever anyone else says, thinks, or does is none of my business unless I'm invited to participate in their life. That was taught to me years ago by my sponsor. It's another way of learning "Let go and let God".

In situations where I have caused wreckage in a relationship, I can make an amends, move on, and keep the focus on my recovery. Sometimes to truly love someone means that we let them go, and not interfere in their lives anymore.

I don't know your particular situation. I don't know how things ended between the two of you. Think about how it ended, and then put yourself in her shoes. If you were her, would you WANT to hear from you? Actually reading your message, you make it pretty clear that telling her how you feel is out of the question. What you are wanting, obviously, is a sense of closure, and a chance to express your remorse over a past wrongdoing. This can be very heavy to carry around, I know, I've been doing it for decades now. If apologizing to her directly is out of the question, then the best thing you can do is live your life as a good and decent person who treats people well. Make amends to her by being kinder and gentler to those who are part of your present. Write her a letter (but don't mail it) just expressing your thoughts. Write it as though you are going to mail it. And then when you find yourself thinking of her, go read it. Also keep in mind that no matter what happened you are not responsible for her well being today. Don't let yourself be weighed down by guilt over something you simply cannot change.

I had a situation very similar to yours. I definitely, definitely know how you feel. I have those recurring thoughts about two ex's actually, but one that was definitely more prevalent in my mind. I was lucky in that I knew his wife, and was able to pass along a "I hope you guys are very happy and blessed" type of message that I had been thinking about for years. It was well received, and it's her decision whether or not to pass those well wishes onto my ex. I don't need to know either way, but my heart sure feels a lot lighter knowing that I have been forgiven.