bodmin2008

well I didnt drink on friday and I got thru to late evening on saturday and something made me very angry and I drank out of sheer anger and hopelessness sunday passed and I didnt drink and now its monday in early afternoon and I am sober for one day and 14 hrs

I seem to go round in a circle though by my standards having two sober days in the past 3 days is better than I have done in a long time

something is bound to happen again later today to make me angry and I wonder how I will deal with it, well at least I am not hungover today and I am not drunk either

a few things are for certain though my life is in a hell of a mess and so am I and whether I like it or not had I not turned so heavily to alcohol things wouldnt have been this bad and whether I like it or not continuing to drink will only make things worse

the only thing I can say about drinking is that for a short time it does numb the pain even though the consequences are always the same mess the next day

I am so deep into this I cant see the wood for bumping into trees and I need space time and sobriety to see the bigger picture

HideorSeek

Congratulations, Bodwin, on your sobriety efforts. I am back to day 1 (well, about 14 hours at this point) and I agree about anger being a trigger. Oddly enough, any extreme mood will set me off. I need to find a balance within myself in order to maintain my equilibrium (and sobriety). First, however, I just need to see drinking as a non-option. I feel like that is the key.

CarolD

Many alcoholics have false starts on their way to solid sobriety.

Have either of you considered AA?

bodmin2008

well its a strange day, it is 5.45pm here in the uk and I am trying to stay sober but its almost as if its against my will, I know it makes sense and I know if I drink I will end up in the same place I am now again in a few days.

One minute I am ok with it and feeling comfortable, the next I am motivated to drink

I am gonna try the option of busy hands make busy mind and do some long overdue house work and get myself cleaned up

Its like I have already forgotten yesterday I was lieing on the sofa with stomach pains and I never get stomach pains

Its great isnt it, I know it makes no sense to drink but yet I want to

Its like 99% of me has been taken over by something and the one per cent of me left with sanity is trying to keep the other 99 per cent from going out and getting me slammed and ill

barb dwyer

bodmin -

I'm glad to see you coming to a place like SR for support.

When we first start into sobriety -
we've got not only the psychological battle
but there's an actual physical addiction going on -
the only one that can kill
by attempting to do alone without medical attention.

I hope you have/will consult a physician about the desire to stop drinking ...
and I relly hope you stick with it.
I personally would not have been able to stop drinking
had I not changed
every.
single.
thing.
about my life.

And most importantly - if I had not had the support and
personal experience of other alcoholics that I found in my local chapter of AA. My recovery so far has been successful because of places like SR and not in spite of them.
There's no way I would be here today without the two.

There are wonderful people here who are willing and ready to help.

I hope the best for you ... & I hope you'll continue to utilize tools like SR while you're learning to cope with the multiple aspects of withdrawal.
recognizing that avoiding anger is a cause for you is a big thing.

bodmin2008

well it is 10.10pm and in 50 mins alcohol will be out of my reach, uk licensing rules, i have just justified having a drink by saying i have some mild gum infection and having a drink will soothe, which it would but all that sugar in beer and not brushing my teeth and not visiting a dentist all cos i was drunk caused the problem in the 1st place, plus a fly buzzing me just annoyed me, another reason to have a drink and to get out and have some fresh air, hell the reasons are all viable and I am sure I will come up with some other excuses in the next 45 mins, crazy how the mind works.

tommyk

"Its like 99% of me has been taken over by something and the one per cent of me left with sanity is trying to keep the other 99 per cent from going out and getting me slammed and ill..."

Yup, that's the disease.

Recognize it for what it is and realize it will talk to you.

By the way - if you know that anger will 'cause' you to drink, you can pretty much count on finding a way to become angry (so you can drink).

Resolve to work through the anger WITHOUT drinking and you're on the way toward success.

Keep coming back.

barb dwyer

bodmin -
we don't drink because stuff happens or stuff doesn't happen.

we drink because we're alcoholics.
it's what we do.

there's always tomorrow.
lots of people on here didn't make it their first time out.
some have struggled trying to quit for a year now.
that I have personally watched.

A year ago I tried to quit smoking.
I'm still smoking.
I'm using every avenue I have to stop.
And the only thing I have

is the Sacred nature of my own choice...

to continue trying tomorrow.

problemchild

Been in your shoes plenty of times, just stay sober and see how good you feel , i promise it's the best way. Trust a big time drunk, no lies here..

Take care,
John

winwin

bodmin2008- I hope you made it through the night OK. The first couple of days are the worst. Just hang in there. It will get better..