chicago

three months ago I got engaged. my fiance relapsed tonight. she went out to eat lunch with a friend at 1PM. around 6:00PM i got a call from her saying she was "kinda f---ked up." i nearly died right then and there. she had been drinking and apparently tried to arrange to get cocaine but couldnt.

i have 2 1/2 years in the program and have never felt like this in all of sobriety. the only thing thats getting me through is a conversation i had with one of my close buddys in the program. he's been through something very similar. he said to me tonight, "marc ive been in absolute misery for 3 straight months over my situation. this whole time ive been asking myself why am i going through this. well, i have my answer now. to help you."

please God grant my fiance the willingness to want to AA.

serenityqueen

I am in no way justifying or minimizing your fiance's picking up today, but with a few years in the Program, you know that unfortunately relapse is part of Recovery.

I am a firm believer that picking up is the LAST part of a relapse. The thoughts, actions, behaviors. . . that lead up to picking up are all a part of the relapse process. Someone can't be working a strong Program of Recovery one day and the very next, pick up. I look back at all of the times I relapsed before July of 2005 and I can see a pattern that took place before I actually picked up.

You can only Pray for her. . . you know you can't work her Program for her. You can only work yours and yours alone. I can appreciate that you are disappointed and more than likely hurt that she picked up. But it's not your fault. Don't carry anyone else's misery on your back.

Please keep us posted on how things are going. . . . we do care.

God Bless,
Judy

bostonluv

Judy, what was the pattern before you relapsed? If you don't mind me asking. I feel like I'm headed that way even though I don't really feel a strong urge to drink. There's something going on though that I can't figure out. If you could tell me what you saw in hindsight it might help me greatly. I really don't want to pick up a drink again. Sorry for highjacking your thread Chicago. I'm a little desperate.

tommyk

I'd like to suggest that Chicago AND bostonluv re-dedicate themselves to their own clean/sober program immediately.

Go to meetings, review each of the steps, review the program principles, and dedicate your lifestyle to living the program clean & sober.

(When you feel a cold coming on get rest, drink a lot of water, and stay warm. When you feel a possible relapse situation coming treat that disease/disorder accordingly too.)

four812

very difficult....i feel your pain

what to do? i don't know my friend except to follow your heart. i would try to slow down and get quiet and breathe so that I can listen to my heart....then I can hear it and follow it.

and you know what that is exactly what I need to do right now, as I think about it. I'm in some turmoil, some fear about change in my life.

thanks for coming and sharing