hal72

I’m a new member, and I guess I’d like to tell you a little bit about me.

First, a short disclaimer…before writing this, I just drank about 200ml of tequila, so forgive me if I ramble, or seem a little disconcerted.

I started having problems with alcohol in 1996. I had my first real drink in 1983 or so, when I was 13. Some older kids gave me a Mickey’s. I hated beer for a long time after that.

However, that same group introduced me to Bacardi, and I was hooked. Strangely, I was the one who often took care of everybody else. I rarely felt drunk, I usually drove, and I drank the most. I started going to bars regularly when I was 17, often drinking 5 or more mixed drinks a night.

In 1996, I noticed that I started to use alcohol as an escape. When my life sucked, I drank more. The more I drank, the angrier I got. I started counseling at this time. He was a nice guy, but barely a year out of med school. I remember one day I drank 10 bartender’s iced teas in 4 hours. By my body weight, I should have died.

Then, everything changed in 1999. I took one of those jobs where you go to a foreign country and teach English. In that country, the custom was to go out with your students at least once a week. Since I only drank hards, I felt guilty since my students had to pay 5X as much for my drinks as theirs…it was also the custom to pay for the teacher. so, I started drinking beer, and then the **** hit the fan.

When I got back, I was up to a six pack of Bud Light a day. I found my wife there, and brought her to America. Things went from bad to worse…and then it really got worse. I found out that I was azoospermic. That means I will never, ever have children. My drinking went from a six pack to a twelve pack a day. I often had thoughts and fantasies about suicide.

Luckily, in 2006, I was diagnosed with depression, and put on Zoloft. This was after a car accident that totaled my car but I escaped with a broken rib…just like Adam. The only thing I can remember from that night is wondering how many beers it would take to kill me. I think I drank 24. I didn’t have any repercussions, but I knew I needed help. Psychiatry was just the first step.

I stopped drinking, and cured my depression. If anybody is interested in how I did it, send me a message. It’s not easy, and from many counselors I’ve talked to, I’m the only one they’ve ever heard of whose done it. I managed to stay dry for about 3 years. By the way, AA is not helpful. You can cut the fear in the room with a knife. They’re fighting alcoholism, but they don’t have the guts to face the root cause. I truly feel sorry for them.

Recently though, it’s been rough. The bottle is calling me. The past few months, I’ve often had a 250 ml bottle of whiskey, vodka, or tequila a weekend several times. That’s why I’m here. I know that the only reason I’m drinking is because I’m an alcoholic. I want to talk about it. I want to meet other people that I can share with. I don’t want to hide it. And I want to stop.

So here I am. Hello.

least

Welcome Hal!! This is a great place for support and good advice. I've made it to 25 days sober in large part due to the support I get here. I've got a different perspective on AA and have felt only love and support from the people in those rooms. But to each his own.

I commend you for deciding to stop drinking. Please be safe when you detox from alcohol. Talking to your doctor about it may be a good idea, depending on how much you've been drinking and how often. A medically supervised detox can be helpful. Whatever you do, please be safe when detoxing. Have a trusted friend available to help you in case you need medical attention.

I wish you the best and am glad you joined us!

:ghug3

serenityqueen

First of all, I'd like to welcome you to SR. You have found a wonderful place full of love and support from nearly every walk of life from all around the world.

With that said, please don't feel sorry for me. I have found my new life partially due to the love & support of Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. The only fear I have ever felt in the rooms of AA/NA is the fear of becoming closed minded and judgemental and falling back into the world of active addiction and dishonesty. If it weren't for AA/NA, I would never have been able to face the reasons I drank and got high. I had been to many psychologists, psychiatrists and self help groups only to be more confused than I was when I walked into those rooms. I even had psychologists tell me that I had no reason to be having the feelings that I was fighting for the 32 years I used. But when I opened up in Meetings, I was surrounded by people just like me who felt lost, hopeless, ashamed, humiliated by my own actions and extremely depressed, even though I was on anti depressants.

I congratulate you for the 3 years that you had before your relapse. I know that isn't an easy task because I recently celebrated my 3 years in my new life . . . alcohol and drug free as well as putting the demons that haunted me to rest. I had first put myself into treatment when I was just 18 years old and balked at doing the Steps of AA/NA and working the suggested program of recovery. I had myself convinced that those people were brainwashed or something. I was going to do this Recovery thing my way. . . my way didn't work. I only became more miserable and deeper into my addiction. When I was extremely close to suicide, I realized that I had to go to any length in order to not only just be clean, but to also be happy, joyous and free from the grip this disease had on me. I humbled myself and gave AA/NA another try. I got completely honest and began to work the Steps. My entire life began to change thanks to the people I met at Meetings and the principals of the Program.

I have no doubt in my mind that if it weren't for AA/NA, I would have been dead for some time now . . .more than likely from my own hand. I hope that you too are willing to go to any length in order to achieve not only being clean but to be free as well. Apparentally what you did in the past isn't working any longer because if it were, you wouldn't be drinking like you are.

God Bless You and please, stick around, miracles happen every day,
Judy

CarolD

....Welcome to SR

Here is a list of various recovery programs
for you to explore

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

Hope you find a way to live sober

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you are seeking help.

AA works for many people, but there are other ways to recover.

I hope you keep reading and posting.