four812

i just cant seem to get it--the desire to stay clean

i don't know what to do right now. my mind is fried. i just keep ruining my life and wasting time. i'm angry at myself, at my addict self.

i'm sick of hearing these wailing sirens in my ears from the crack.

Astro

I'm sorry you're having so much trouble ksplash, it's hard to watch people suffer. But I have to ask, are you following a program of recovery, NA or CA?

Abstinence worked for me for awhile, but I'm dead meat without AA or a spiritual program to remove the mental obsession. Recovery is something I can't do by myself. I need help and support, and lots of it.

tommyk

Let's take a look at your recovery efforts. Write a few things down here.

Do you attend meetings? Doing any steps? Have a sponsor?

Are you changing people, places, and things?

Keep coming back.

TTOSBT

Tommy and Astro, I luv you guys!!!
The E,S & H you both offer is priceless. Yup, the only way to get "it" is to make a plan and work for it! I have to be involved in my recovery EVERY day. I have to work at it every day and it is ALWAYS worth it. And no matter how bad a day it is, I was a success if I just did not pick up! Some days that has been all I had, but that is okay, cause I did not pick up

ForeverDecember

Hi Ksplash - glad you came back to SR! *hugs and support*

HideorSeek

Keep coming Ksplash. Each of us has our own sobriety puzzle to figure out. It will come to you and until it does, we are all here for you. The WORST thing you could do is NOT come back here and isolate instead. For me at least, that would mean I have given up. Don't give up, please.

flgirl

You know I am here for you, as you have been here for me. Just keep coming back, honey.

four812

the wailing sirens in my head are gone now, it takes about a day for them to leave, and today is my first day clean and sober again.

i'm leaving for a meeting soon

I don't know who on this website mentioned to read "the seat of your soul", but thank you. chapter 9 is specifically on addiction.

Aysha

Boy thats the burning question.
I dont have any miracle answers for you. Only what has happened to me.
Eventually you are going to get so friggin sick of it. And it will happen sooner or later.
That you will be so disgusted with it.
But it takes work too.
Crack is so evil.
I have a 15 yr love affair with the crap. I swore there was no way out.
Big thing for me was to definately change people places and things. Because for me the lifetyle had just as much of a hold on me.
My last run was June 25th.
I almost crossed the line into needle use.
That was really a huge wake up call for me.
I scared myself.
And I was and am just so sick and freakin tired of the endless chaotc BS that goes with smoking that stupid ****.
I am going broke and killing myself to make some dealer that thinks he some big deal rich.
I am driving myself crazy..Paying to be miserable. I can do that for free.
You need to get a program in place. You need to really really want to stop. And not for just a few days or weeks. I mean you have to commit for life.
Its too easy to keep smoking. And too much work in my opinion.
Put those efforts toward recovery. It has way better payoffs.
Good luck.

four812

chiynita

thanks you so much for sharing that....for me it's been 8 years or so

today is my 3rd day clean and sober. again of course

Aysha

Well...Keep going. It is possible to beat it. I have seen it done.
Our Amy (Impurrfect) has 17 mos clean from it.
There are some more here too that have stoppped the madness.
I always thought it was impossible. The way it feels sometimes. Like being a slave to it. But there is a way. But it has to start in your readyness and willingness to do it.
What are you willing to do to rid yourself of that poison?
3 days is great!!