K202

Well, I MADE IT THROUGH THE WEEKEND! Booyah! Friday and Saturday were probably my hardest days yet. I am sleeping better now though which is a welcome change. I can honestly say that I feel MUCH better. My head is clearer and life just seems overall brighter. It really is an amazing difference and all it takes my friends is die hard determination to better yourself. Set a goal and let there be no other option than to reach it. I hate failing at my personal goals and I am a very goal oriented person.

To answer all the questions above - please keep in mind that this is my journal. I write my thoughts here so that I can read and review them later. I don't know that I want to get into a weekend drinking ritual again --- but that thought was there when I wrote that post. I would like to be able to have the occasional drink as Ezzi mentioned but I have never had a problem with NOT drinking an entire six pack (or more) in one sitting. My limit is about 4-5 beers over the course of a night (5-6 hours).

My point though is that I'm working toward my goal of bettering my life on a day to day basis. And I think that as long as alcohol does not become a REQUIREMENT of my day to day life (as it was), I will have met my goal.

Thank you all for continuing to read and give your feedback. You all help more than you realize!

Mattcake

Congrats K202! Great to hear that you're working on it. It sounds like you're already enjoying some of the benefits of being clean; that clear headed feeling is priceless, I hope stuff like that continues to fuel your determination.

Your goal oriented, pro-active attitude is really interesting and contagious. Most of the time, goals make me cringe as I'm generally more of a "let it be, allow it to flow" kind of guy. But you sure gave me something to think about. Thanks!

Keep posting!

four812

hey great job over the weekend

2 more weekends to go, but wooooaaaaaa,.,...one step at a time ksplash!

one day at a time

glad to be part of your sobriety journal

bostonluv

Hey K202 - How goes it? Just looking forward to another post.

K202

Working on day 11! I can honestly say that the craving has now pretty much completely gone. I come home from work now and don't even think about getting a beer. Monday I actually came home and went and threw frisbee with my wife and son in the front yard. It was fun. We had some great laughs and it was a beautiful day to be outside.

I will say that my arms and legs have been feeling pretty weak the past two days. I don't know if that's part of the detox but I would suspect that it is from what I've read --- it's my body trying to make me ingest the alcohol again. After all it's been getting alcohol nearly daily for nearly 6 years.

Still uncertain if I'm going to try a moderated drink or two this weekend. Honestly, right now I don't even have the desire. It's amazing how quickly the habit can be broken - and working it ONE DAY AT A TIME is the way to do it! The only way to do it.

Day 11 and STAYING STRONG!

bostonluv

Day 12 for you K202. I'm enjoying reading your journal. Keep up the posts.

K202

Yup yup! DAY 12!!!! I really never thought that I would make it this far. I am undecided if I'm going to have a drink tomorrow or not. I have a "mans night" every Friday and we usually knock back a few (meaning 2-3). I skipped it last week to ensure that I fortify my first true attempt at ridding alcohol from my daily routine.

My wife and I discussed it last night and while I don't think she minds if I get a six pack of beer to enjoy over the weekend (a single six pack) - she is just afraid I will use that as an outlet to get back to daily drinking. I like to think that my determination thus far has shown my true character. When I really want to do something, I CAN DO IT. I know that I don't want to get back to where I was, but I also know that I do enjoy the "cold one" from time to time. And while I realize that having this philosophy goes against nearly everything that sober recovery is about - it's just what I think is right for me.

Now the real question is? Can I do it that way and not get back to where I was? I feel like I want to test myself and see if my determination and drive is as strong as I think it is. I have informed my wife of my goal and she has agreed to help me... meaning that if I try to just do 1 six pack on some weekends that it doesn't go beyond that.

This is a strange forum to be having this internal discussion - but I hope that one day I will look back on this thread and realize my goal was met (and not lost).

I am always open to others feedback. If you have tried my goal - please let me know how it went. As I mentioned, I am undecided at this point what my final decision will be tomorrow. I hate to "reset" my day counter to zero since I feel that I'm doing so well but at the same time I know that I would enjoy a drink as long as I can moderate it to just 1-6 over the weekend. This is, after all, how I started drinking... and how it got out of control the first time. But I've been down that road now and I realize it was bad for me, my family and most importantly --- my body and mind. I feel SO MUCH BETTER every day. I don't feel run down every day. My mind is clearer and overall my body feels better.

I've gotta make that decision...

bostonluv

I think you'll see a lot of people here tried moderating unsucessfully. I've tried it many times. It just never worked for me and I have wished and wished and wished I could do it. And I can for awhile until I can't. Good luck with it though. You seriously might want to look into the moderation websites where people are trying to do that sort of thing. You might get more support there.

rurdy2rk

I can only speak from my experience, and I have often (and I do mean often) convinced myself I could do the same thing. Sometimes I lasted 3 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks, sometime 1 week, sometimes a day. The point is (again in my case) the alcohol convinced me I could drink in moderation. I think you know what happened, but just in case I will tell you - after that first drink or two, I craved more. Even if I was succesfull, my mind told me "hey, I can actually do this!". Bottom line, if I did not get drunk the first time around, I would be right back where I left off within a few days.

You obviously have to make the decision, however I would recommend you stay sober.

Best of luck,

Tom

bostonluv

K202 - Just wondering what your plan for this weekend is. Have you made a decision?

Room1

I too tried to moderate as I am sure most people here did at some point. For me I couldn't do it. When I was moderating I was just allways craving more, until sooner or later I drank more than planned.

Sometimes it would be one day, sometimes a week or two but sooner or later I was allways back where I started. It was hard work, staying sober is easier than trying to control in my opinion.



Sax

Honu

I have always thought that the insanity of it all, is that we continue to do it when it causes so much grief, pain, shame, makes us sick, costs $$, makes us stupid, etc.

It's part of the disease, I guess. Kudos to anyone who can continue with control! To me, it just brings me down. I feel horrible about myself, I feel horrible physically, and always lack motivation to do anything positive for myself. I am really good at pity parties, and the more I drink, the greater the party. Not a way for me to live anymore.

Honu