Help Him Understand
mommyof2
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: wv, saint albans
Posts: 23
Help Him Understand
I chose to stop drinking after waking up one morning and realizing that I had been sexually assualted. It took time, but my husband stood by me. Then, after I decided to go back to school, I got hooked on meth. I hid this from my husband because he is and always has been against "hard" drugs. A friend of mine (thank God) busted me out and again, in time, he stands by me.
I have been clean for almost 3 months and feel pretty comfortable talking about my addiction with whom ever is willing to listen, especially my hubby. The problem is the subject still seems to make him angry. He still seems to want to place the this anger on the people I was doing meth with. The person who introduced me to it was his friend first and also knows how he feels about drugs. He says he can not wrap his mind around why she did that with me knowing how he feels. I tried to explain how selfish addicts can be and how using affects our judgment but it did not make any difference.
I hope in time, for himself, he will let go of the anger and gain a better understanding of this disease. I pray that God shows me how to help him undrestand. I love him so much and I feel so guilty sometimes because it is my fault he is having to deal with any of this.
Ok I'm done venting. Thanks for listening.
I have been clean for almost 3 months and feel pretty comfortable talking about my addiction with whom ever is willing to listen, especially my hubby. The problem is the subject still seems to make him angry. He still seems to want to place the this anger on the people I was doing meth with. The person who introduced me to it was his friend first and also knows how he feels about drugs. He says he can not wrap his mind around why she did that with me knowing how he feels. I tried to explain how selfish addicts can be and how using affects our judgment but it did not make any difference.
I hope in time, for himself, he will let go of the anger and gain a better understanding of this disease. I pray that God shows me how to help him undrestand. I love him so much and I feel so guilty sometimes because it is my fault he is having to deal with any of this.
Ok I'm done venting. Thanks for listening.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
When I stopped drinking, I was desperate for my family to understand why I had become an alcoholic, what had caused me to turn to drinking. They did not want to know. They just wanted me to stop drinking. I had to accept, with great difficulty, that was what they wanted.
Years later, they still do not want to talk about it. That's why I come here.
Years later, they still do not want to talk about it. That's why I come here.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
I feel a similar way in that my drinking forced my daughter away from me and we had always been close. It was my doing and I am learning to live with it. She is opening up a bit more lately, and glad to see me succeeding in sobriety. (finally!!)
Sometimes things just take time. More time than we'd like it to take. But we just have to work on our own recovery and let the rest of our life events unfold in their own time.
You've come to a really great site, ya know! I've found the support, and the kickintheass that I sometimes need, and am going on 22 days sober - the second longest I've been sober in 15 months or more.
I'm glad you're here. We can help you in your goals and in helping you, we help ourselves stay clean and sober too. And your story may well help someone else, so you are giving back what well be freely been to given you.
love and hugs!:ghug3
Sometimes things just take time. More time than we'd like it to take. But we just have to work on our own recovery and let the rest of our life events unfold in their own time.
You've come to a really great site, ya know! I've found the support, and the kickintheass that I sometimes need, and am going on 22 days sober - the second longest I've been sober in 15 months or more.
I'm glad you're here. We can help you in your goals and in helping you, we help ourselves stay clean and sober too. And your story may well help someone else, so you are giving back what well be freely been to given you.
love and hugs!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Miamisburg, Ohio
Posts: 217
Hi grantstrength1,
God is showing you how to help him understand, God is showing you how to stay sober.
One of the most difficult things for me to do is to give time....time.
There are certain things and especially certain people that my wife has a hard time dealing with concerning my alcoholism. She wants to blame them for my actions, I know it's not their doing, it's my shortcomings. Maybe it's because she loves me and wants to think I'm better than that so she'll try to blame others for my junk.
Regardless of the how and why of her resentments, I'm faced with the fact that I'm basically powerless over how she sees these situations. All I can do is do my best to stay sober and deal with my resentments as the come, that's my responsibility.
If I do this, make a living amends, time will take care of itself.
I just need to stop the insanity, quit adding to my amends and resentment list and work on cleaning my side of the street as it's said.
Peace
God is showing you how to help him understand, God is showing you how to stay sober.
One of the most difficult things for me to do is to give time....time.
There are certain things and especially certain people that my wife has a hard time dealing with concerning my alcoholism. She wants to blame them for my actions, I know it's not their doing, it's my shortcomings. Maybe it's because she loves me and wants to think I'm better than that so she'll try to blame others for my junk.
Regardless of the how and why of her resentments, I'm faced with the fact that I'm basically powerless over how she sees these situations. All I can do is do my best to stay sober and deal with my resentments as the come, that's my responsibility.
If I do this, make a living amends, time will take care of itself.
I just need to stop the insanity, quit adding to my amends and resentment list and work on cleaning my side of the street as it's said.
Peace
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Hey there,
I get it.My husband doesn't seem at all interested in the process of my recovery-he just wants me to stop-not talk about it- and that's it.He doesn't drink but seems to think that once I've made the decision not to-that's the end of the story.It's dealt with and over.He has a will of iron so he seems to assume I should too.He never wants to talk about it and has pretended not to notice when I've relapsed.He's very Irish-LOL-just talk about everything polite and pretend the rest isn't happening.He never confronts and for a long time I felt so let down by this.He didn't even get angry-he just said nothing.
I've struggled very hard with this but in the end I realised my recovery isn't about him or what he thinks/does.I can share my journey/struggles here with people who understand.It was hard to let go of-he's my husband after all-shouldn't he want to know?But he doesn't and I had to let it go.Being sober is up to me and for me-regardless of what goes on around me-or doesn't.
Anyway-I just wanted to say I know it's hard-but ultimately your recovery is up to you and not about him anyway.I wish you well,
Julesxox
I get it.My husband doesn't seem at all interested in the process of my recovery-he just wants me to stop-not talk about it- and that's it.He doesn't drink but seems to think that once I've made the decision not to-that's the end of the story.It's dealt with and over.He has a will of iron so he seems to assume I should too.He never wants to talk about it and has pretended not to notice when I've relapsed.He's very Irish-LOL-just talk about everything polite and pretend the rest isn't happening.He never confronts and for a long time I felt so let down by this.He didn't even get angry-he just said nothing.
I've struggled very hard with this but in the end I realised my recovery isn't about him or what he thinks/does.I can share my journey/struggles here with people who understand.It was hard to let go of-he's my husband after all-shouldn't he want to know?But he doesn't and I had to let it go.Being sober is up to me and for me-regardless of what goes on around me-or doesn't.
Anyway-I just wanted to say I know it's hard-but ultimately your recovery is up to you and not about him anyway.I wish you well,
Julesxox
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