1st post here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 9
1st post here
Hi I am from male and 44 from uk and this is my 1st post here, I got drunk yesterday, it followed the usual pattern, wake up a bit edgy bit hungover, time can vary anywhere from early morning to late afternoon, yesterday it was early morning and then start the day with the best of intentions, but begin to drink coffee smoke cigarettes and get all hyper over the state of the pigsty where I live which i have no control over keeping clean cos of who else lives here. went out to a shop bought come cans of beer and slowly consumed them while sat surfing the net until in early evening feeling rather sickly and empty sleep came.
Today its early morning again and I cant see anything different happening again, I have just eaten some breakfast amidst some disgusting hygiene, I feel extremely angry and helpless in the face of the digusting hygiene here and its all set to be a typical day here.
I tried AA once before some 2 yrs ago and slowly but surely for too short a time things got better with sobriety but where I live finally got me so pissed off one day I just went out and got drunk to get rid of the anger for a short time and I never regained sobriety and its been one drunken binge after another and time passes and I am more trapped here than ever and my life has cascaded downhill ever further and the only relief I have from being alive is either to be asleep or be drunk.
Today its early morning again and I cant see anything different happening again, I have just eaten some breakfast amidst some disgusting hygiene, I feel extremely angry and helpless in the face of the digusting hygiene here and its all set to be a typical day here.
I tried AA once before some 2 yrs ago and slowly but surely for too short a time things got better with sobriety but where I live finally got me so pissed off one day I just went out and got drunk to get rid of the anger for a short time and I never regained sobriety and its been one drunken binge after another and time passes and I am more trapped here than ever and my life has cascaded downhill ever further and the only relief I have from being alive is either to be asleep or be drunk.
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Welcome to SR! GLad you are here! Are you totally opposed to AA, or just that group you were attending? There are different groups here usually not too far from one another. You say that AA did work for you for awhile...would you consider going back? There are other recovery groups besides AA....in the meantime. This place has helped me in my recovery journey--you just have to find a program that is right for you--we all find recovery in different ways. Hope to hear more from you soon. You are not alone. :ghug2
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 177
Hi Bodmin and welcome.
There's alot of help and support to be found here. Look around and check everything out. I remember feeling trapped and helpless and hopeless just a couple of weeks ago. SR and AA are both helping me break the cage and find my life again.
Good Luck
Jig
There's alot of help and support to be found here. Look around and check everything out. I remember feeling trapped and helpless and hopeless just a couple of weeks ago. SR and AA are both helping me break the cage and find my life again.
Good Luck
Jig
No AA
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 259
welcome bodmin 
i can relate to several things in your post. i'm having huge issues with the pigsty i live in. it's causing more depression and stress. but i've been working on it little by little (i have no energy for anything let alone cleaning house!)
also what you said about aa: i went to several meetings and it's just not for me. at all. there are several other programs to try if that's what you are looking for (check out the top threads of the main alcoholism forum) or a lot of ppl are doing their own aa program (taking what works for them and leaving the rest). anyhoo keep reading thru the forum--u will find lots of info and im sure a lot of posts that will let you know, you are not alone.
glad you are here and keep posting!
i can relate to several things in your post. i'm having huge issues with the pigsty i live in. it's causing more depression and stress. but i've been working on it little by little (i have no energy for anything let alone cleaning house!)
also what you said about aa: i went to several meetings and it's just not for me. at all. there are several other programs to try if that's what you are looking for (check out the top threads of the main alcoholism forum) or a lot of ppl are doing their own aa program (taking what works for them and leaving the rest). anyhoo keep reading thru the forum--u will find lots of info and im sure a lot of posts that will let you know, you are not alone.
glad you are here and keep posting!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Welcome Bodmin. I can hear your frustration. Why not try one simple change in your pattern for the day. You say you are a creature of habit in so many words. I was too. I would check the clock and pour the wine according to the time it read. So what I did and have been doing for 77 days is to make sure I'm not around the kitchen at that time of day and there's nothing for me to pour. I either take a walk, go outside and play with my son, through the frisbee for my dog, go to the store to buy some milk . . . I just changed the routine. You can be sober, but it takes some effort to change. I do hope you'll come back and post to let us know where you're at and if we can help.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
I too seemed to be living just to be drunk or asleep - both a method of escaping reality. Remember to take it one day at a time. And it's wise to consult a doctor before going off alcohol. Be safe when you detox!
Welcome to the site!:ghug
Welcome to the site!:ghug
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 9
Hi bodmin don't give up this is a great board where you will get lots of support - I too have been thinking my circumstances are unchangeable - but it's amazing what really seems to happen once you start really going without the booze - II am 43 next week and thought my life was over - never thought I could do it - I only signed up here last week but I feel I can - you can too. xx
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