|
Taking it in stride Boy, where to start... I know that emotional roller coasters are a natural part of recovery; I've been through on several occasions. However, this time around there is a difference: whereas before I always harboured the knowledge that I'd drink again at some point, this time around something within me tells me that I'm done for good. I've been booze-free for three weeks, and I'm mystified because I haven't had one single craving since my last drink. That's one big blessing, and I feel grateful. However, I also feel like my heart has just been ripped out. Last week I experienced an uncontrollable surge of anger. Along with the lingering anger, this week's surprise is a hollow, grieving sadness that has completely overwhelmed me. I'm trying to avoid thinking about the causes, though several immediately spring to mind. I am allowing myself to just be, cry my heart out when I need to, trying to surrender to these feelings... I'm willing to bear with it, and take it in stride, plunging into these emotions head first. Today I found myself walking down the street, tears streaming down my face, and I didn't care about what other people would think or where the tears were coming from. Because this is me right now, this is where I'm at. So be it. These emotions are not triggering me. In fact, the idea of drinking makes me cringe. I have two other blessings: . Feeling stuff makes me realize my humanity; not long ago, I was a numb drunk zombie. Now there is a spark. . The comfort you guys have given me is boundless and means the world to me. I can't convey the gratitude I feel, and I'm humbled to receive it. Happier times will come, I'm sure. In fact, in a way I'm enjoy what's going on within me now. I'm sorry if this post sounds clinical and aloof, but I'm emotionally drained - a far cry from my angry tirade, no pun intended. But I just need to keep honesty upfront, and thank you all. Love you Blue, sniffly Matt |
mat, awesome that we find we can take on life wothout a drink or a drug aint it... and more awesome we can feel feelings, and to know, and see... they are just that... Feelings! then we move on... keep up the work mat... good wishes zip |
Thanks for sharing Matt. I'm new to recovery and I'm still trying to work out what the hell I'm doing but I can really relate to what you are saying. Keep up the good work. Jig |
AWWW Matty...You already know. Its good to feel all those feelings. Good and bad. I love who you are. Every stage of where you are. You know I am always here for you. http://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k3.../hugs/Hugs.gif |
Matt, I'm sorry you're feeling down, but I am so impressed with the progress you have made. I understand exactly what you mean about feeling like you're human, once again. |
I can identify with your post. It's amazing how those emotions we drowned well up once we dry out. The anger I felt was overwhelming! I had several "fight or flight" experiences in my own home when there was no real threat, save for my own insecurities. Taking long, deep breaths helped...and knowing it would pass….like cravings for alcohol. Caving to alcohol would only destroy our efforts and our progress. Good for you! Liberty~ |
Matt, I too find myself feeling sad, anxious, depressed, and a lot of other negative emotions that are hard to deal with. But as long as it doesn't interrupt my sober time I'll just have to "let it be". I am sorry you are feeling so down. I hope some hugs will help you feel a bit better! :ghug3 :ghug3 :ghug3 |
matt i can relate matt I am glad you are feeling down.... it's a good feeling down. if you chose to drink then you wouldn't be feelin the feelings that you are experiencing right now.....so for that i am glad for you. those are the feelings that we need to feel....the ones that we want to run from ANGER Lonliness Boredom those are three big ones for me personally thanks for your share |
Matt - Thank you for sharing that with us. Feeling all of these foriegn emotions can be tough, to say the least. Keep on sharing about what you are feeling, as you have been, and know that each day you are growing stronger. :ghug3 |
:ghug3 :a194: |
Awww, splatty....I just love you so much! You have been such a help to me and if there is anything I can do for you, just name it! Taking this in stride is a good thing because it means you know that these feeling will pass. It's just a part of recovery to finally allow ourselves to actually feel human emotions like everyone else. It means you're getting better! :ghug3 |
Hey Mattcake, I'm about a week behind you in sobriety, but I can relate. I had that same moment of clarity that I am done with alcohol for good. Right now I've been sober longer than I ever have since Oct 2005 and I have no desire to drink, so there is hope. These feelings you are having are totally normal, so just keep letting them out! That is the best piece of advice I've been given in my recovery so far: they are feelings, it is normal to feel. Just let them out and soon you will be at peace with them. :ghug2 |
Thank you. Your encouragement has really comforted me today :) I am really learning a lot... Rediscovering faith. |
I completely understand what you are talking about...:hug:....it seems like we just get feeling okay physically without drinking and.....BAM...out of the blue...EMOTIONS!!!! Gawd, it was like someone opened a floodgate...even sappy commercials had me bawling my eyes out. It will get easier to deal with the feelings, good and bad. For me, after a bad dream, or the sick feeling I get in the pit of my stomach remembering the bad times, it helps to simply thank God that I am no longer that person. It also helps to thank God during the good times...you are doing great. Cathy |
Awesome Progress ...:hug: Prayers help me immensley |
Feelings are a MotherF----r, aren't they? I know for me they are. I am so tempted to keep running from them, bury my nose in a book, or play computer games now I'm sober. But at some point, they have to be dealt with. Sometimes I wish I was a robot. But I'm not, and I guess we have to take the bad feelings in order that we may be ready to feel good feelings too. Life would be boring if we were flat, and Matt, honey, you are anything but boring! Love from: KJ:ghug3 |
Pep talk still to come.... Need to get myself in right mindframe then will lecture you till my hearts content. Luvs darl. :a194: |
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:00 PM. |