Change4life

Off the drugs since Nov. 07 and no drinks for almost 4 months. Since I started this journey I have been taking things real slow, no major changes. Even with work Ive been adding new shifts slowly.

Beemn living in a real toxic environment and Ive needed to move fpr a really long time for my health, sanity, and sobriety. I worked and saved and now I have a safe clean place to move. So why am I unraveling? I am really overwhelmed, almost even backed out of the apartment. Using brought me to some bery scairy places and situations and I was never scaird, btu Im really feeling totally out of sorts right now. I know Im moving forward and i suppose thats all I should be thinking about.

fallingdown

Because it's change and even good change is scary!! I think once you get out of your toxic environment you will feel so relieved and have a whole new perspective. Sounds to me like you are doing a phenomenal job. This is obviously a positive move for you and your inner addict might be having a hard time letting go of that last vestige of your old life. Just try to keep moving forward, keep reaching out and don't let yourself get too overwhelmed by this. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.
FD

Anna

Change is always hard and you are probably nervous because you've been hoping for this for so long and now it's really going to happen. Don't let it throw you. Just keep moving forward, and you'll be fine.

TTOSBT

What they said.
No seriously, just one step at a time. That is so wonderful that you are taking care of yourself this way!
Breathe. When you get into your new place it will be so empowering that you will forget all about your doubts.
Keep talking to us!

Aysha

Yea..Your going out in unfamiliar territory. But its a good thing.
That place your in is so bad for you.
Maybe your afraid of being alone? I dont know. Maybe being on your own in a sense?
But you worked so hard for this Beth. And you deserve it. Something that is all yours. Where noone can tell you to get out..or get off the computer. You choose who visits and who doesnt.
Noone to take your stuff and eat your food.
Just little things that you cant have living in a place like you are.
I am assuming your still living with John or whatever his name is.
Its all yours. Its a great new start.
And you are doing so good.
I am so so so happy for you.
You are so not the same as you were not even a year ago.
What you have done these past months is phenominal.
Be proud.
You will get the feel for it.

Rowan

Everyone above said it all.

Don't give up now, Beth. Have faith. We are behind you all the way!!

four812

Beth,

it sounds exciting and also scary. from what i've read you've come a long long way in the last while.

great job...and keep on moving on and let YOUR dream unfold

Dee74

nothing to add B.
this is good change - go for it

D

Impurrfect

(((Beth)))

I know, for me, when I started recovery and something good happened, it scared the heck out of me! I was so used to screwing everything up, I worried that I would screw whatever it was, up too.

Change, still scares me, even though the changes I make now are pretty much all good for me!

I'm glad you posted here. I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal. Take deep breaths, and keep moving forward. You have done such an awesome job and YES, you do deserve this. Just make sure your internet is on so you can still keep in touch with us

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Change4life

Im starting to relax a little and Im getting excited. I drop my first rent check off tommarrow and move in on the first. i think I was bugging because of the normal fear that comes with change, but I also think fallingdown your right that inner addict is probably upset cause Im moving on and leaving here behing. Im leaving a house where there is nothing but drinking going on and moving to aplace where there is No partying. Impurrfect you brought up a good point. Im also use to screwing everything up and I do keep thinking this wont be any different, and Im waiting everything to come crashing in. I just have to keep reminding myself to be positive, stay on course and things will work out. Money, thats another issue. Its gonna be real tight Ill nbee barely making enough to make ends meet. Im sweating that, but I know moving is the best thing I can possibly do and I have to believe things will be fine, and make this work.
I cant go backwards.

Impurrfect

(((Beth)))

You'll be fine. I would have never thought I could live on what I make now, but I learned to adjust to it and have actually made a little progress in some old debts/consequences. To me, it's a part of my recovery...like "okay, here's another challenge" and finding the best way to deal with it. Heck, when we put as much thought and energy into living a clean/sober life as we did into getting f'd up...there's not much we CAN'T do!

I'm glad you're getting excited....this is a BIG step forward for you!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Dee74

you know you've been wanting to get out of your current place for ages...it's a good thing

as for being tight with money - we're addicts - if nothing else, we know how to live like that B!

good luck to ya
D

Aysha

I am just so proud of you.
Thats all I can think of right now.

Change4life

every challenge I overcome leads to a new and usually harder one. I see the obstacles as a growing process, but sometimes I freak and think I cant handle it. One day, one thing at a time and if something hasnt worked out yet I keep believing it wll and so far things have been going pretty smoothly. I move in on friday. my new roomie seems to be awesome. I got a call today and it looks like ive secured a new job with good pay.
The money thing scares me. I need mto make more $ to survive and Ill be getting it, but in the back of my mind im worried about using cause I will now have extra funds. Using has crossed my mind recently. Granted the thoughts came and went, but they are lurking.
One day at a time is all I keep telling myself. I just keep praying all will work out.

Dee74

Beth - I have thoughts about drinking too, from time to time. Doesn't mean I will.
I know what sobriety means to me. I also know what using my drug of choice does
to me.

I reckon you'll be fine too - but if you do have hassles? All those tips and strategies ppl have told you about over the course of the time I've been here - even the dreaded M word - are still there

I'm really pleased to see you getting ahead, B
take care - and good luck!
D

Anna

Beth, I'm glad things are going well.

When you think of the extra money, think of all the things you will be able to do with it. You can decorate your new place, go to concerts, go out for dinner, buy some new clothes - the list is endless. Think and dream and plan of healthy things to do with the cash. And, congratulations on the new job!

Toomutch

Change is hard but it sounds like it is crusial to your recovery. I trust that the move will go smoothly and you will love your new place.
If your anything like me, once you get moved and settled you will say to yourself "why was I so worried about that".

Your user name is very appropriate for this situation.

Aysha

I thought of that..Sometimes we see our victories as an excuse to use. A reward for all the hard work we have done. But dont forget..it only takes one time to take what took months even years to acheive.
Just think of how this past year alone..Just what I have seen of you. And what I know of you. Who knows what was goin on before then. But you had a rough time there last year. I was really worried about you. Just think of those times when an urge comes on. Live it all over again if you have to in your mind.
You are going to do good tho. I just know it.

Impurrfect

I was worried about having money, too. But, once I got in the habit of paying bills (which happened immediately), it felt so good to actually be able to PAY a bill, money wasn't an issue. Another thing, since I wait tables, I work pretty hard to make just a little money....no way in he!! I'm going to spend that hard-earned money on something that I'll smoke in a few minutes, and regret for a long, long time.

I agree with Trish...you're going to be just fine.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Time2Surrender

I have to keep it simple today. Im moving soon too. I have a lot on my plate right now, but I focus on the good and do what I can to take care of all the wreckage I created while I was out there.