eggie

not today, not this week, but someday I'd really, really like to drink.

Here's my story.... I haven't gone to an aa meeting yet. Actually tonight I tried to, and got the time wrong. Everybody was leaving as I pulled up. So I went to a friend's "Celebrate Recovery" meeting. I felt so out of place here. They were wonderful strong people and they are in recovery... I'm nowhere's near there.

I'm just at a place that has realized I can no longer control my drinking, I can't do it in a healthy, in-control way. After my last drinking episode I said I can't do this anymore, I don't want to drink anymore.. that was 11 weeks ago. My family likes me so much more, i'm much happier, I have so much more energy, and I like me now...

But I so want to be able to drink again, someday... I can't get that out of my head. I almost panic when I think about it. I don't want a drink right now, but someday I want a glass of wine again while I'm making a pot of sauce, I want to go on a wine tour, unwind at the end of a day with a glass of wine...

Any thoughts, anybody??

Thanks,
tg

Toomutch

tg - you dont want to drink tonight and thats awesome. As far as thinking into the future about taking a drink *dont do it*. Think only about today or even this hour or minute. Thinking too far ahead will get you into trouble.

Taking5

Celebrate Recovery is a Christ-based recovery program. I prefer AA where it is not nearly so rigid. I would try AA meetings, there are a gazillion of them where you live.

In terms of wanting a drink, this is something I cannot afford to think about. When the thought does come into my head, I realize that I cannot have one or two drinks, I will go on week long bender and lord only knows what kind of mess I'll end up in. In AA circles they call this "playing the tape to the end".

eggie

I am a Christian, so the basis for the program is not my issue, it seemed to me that most of the talk was looking at all the "junk" you have that made you want to drink. I guess I don't want to go there and I'm really only at step 1 - recongnize that I don't have control of my drinking.

For some reason I'm scared of going and coming out and saying i'm an alcoholic.

deezaldog

Eggie, I have to take the first every day. In a meeting tonight a person 21 yrs sober said they have to 1st step every day. For me, in the beginning I took it just for now don't drink. I pray my way past every liq store I passed. It works for me. Congrats on your sober time. For me I go everyday to a meeting and have stayed sober the past 18 mo. I drank every day so, mtgs everyday is no problem. Good luck and keep up the work.

dancinggirl

I think I have to re-admit to myself a lot lately that this IS a problem. I'm feeling too healthy right now and thinking it's easy to stop. But once the stuff is in me....oh boy....I do NOT stop. Not until I've blacked out. Not until I'm so drunk that I"m STILL drunk the next morning.

Very good advice to take the first step every day.

eggie

Thank you Dancing girl, and everyone that responded.

Man it comes in waves doesn't it... Yesterday and last night that's all i could think about was not ever drinking again, i was emotional all night over it. Now today I'm fine.

cmhcali

Eggie. I think admitting out loud in front of a room of recovering alcoholics that I was an alcoholic was such a relief. It was so hard but I am so happy I did it. I have 36 days clean and I know I cannot drink reasonably so I do not want to. I want my life and to live it on lifes terms.

Keep up the good work and keep sober. There is life outside alcohol and I am going to find it.