I know I'm lost, I know I'm an alcoholic and now I want out
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
TFA,
I lost my Dad at the end of March. I drank myself drunk every day (after work and taking care of the family of course) until May 8th when I...well, let's say, bottomed out.
I wish I had listened to myself two days before and quit then
Anyway, I am now sober 74 days and I have been seeing a therapist to deal with my pain and grief since 70 days ago. It has helped and the pain lessens just the tiniest bit each day.
I am very sorry for your loss
I lost my Dad at the end of March. I drank myself drunk every day (after work and taking care of the family of course) until May 8th when I...well, let's say, bottomed out.
I wish I had listened to myself two days before and quit then
Anyway, I am now sober 74 days and I have been seeing a therapist to deal with my pain and grief since 70 days ago. It has helped and the pain lessens just the tiniest bit each day.
I am very sorry for your loss
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
Maybe not classy, but very understandable. We all deal with our pain in different ways, but the main objective is to stop hurting. Alcohol doesn't stop the hurt, just makes the injury numb for a while.
I'm having a hard time dealing with my feelings since quitting drinking (have quit and restarted too many times up til now) but am seeing a counselor to learn to deal with my feelings in a healthy way. Not drowning them every day.
You can get sober. You can learn better ways to cope. It just takes time, and a lot of effort, and having support helps a lot. You're right about not being able to do this all by yourself. Well, maybe you could, but it's a lot easier and more pleasant to do it with like-minded friends who love you for who you are.
Keep coming back. And oh, about the detox not being too bad. The DTs are more than crazy, they can kill you. Please at least talk to a doctor and ask for advice on the safest way to detox. :ghug2
I'm having a hard time dealing with my feelings since quitting drinking (have quit and restarted too many times up til now) but am seeing a counselor to learn to deal with my feelings in a healthy way. Not drowning them every day.
You can get sober. You can learn better ways to cope. It just takes time, and a lot of effort, and having support helps a lot. You're right about not being able to do this all by yourself. Well, maybe you could, but it's a lot easier and more pleasant to do it with like-minded friends who love you for who you are.
Keep coming back. And oh, about the detox not being too bad. The DTs are more than crazy, they can kill you. Please at least talk to a doctor and ask for advice on the safest way to detox. :ghug2
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 112
I feel your pain TFA. I am gay too (not a guy, though, sorry) and that makes it so much harder to meet people. Straight people can be really supportive - most of my friends are straight - but they often don't understand that it is harder for gay people to meet a significant other in everyday life. I look really straight so the only way people will know I am gay is if i show up at a lesbian bar or some gay event. And so much of gay/lesbian life revolves around going out to clubs, drinking excessively, and letting down the inhibitions that we often have to employ to avoid discrimination.
This is my story so far. I started binge drinking during college as a way to deal with general anxiety and the anxiety of my first serious relationship. That relationship began and ended and began again and ended - it was a vicious cycle. Anyways, I got used to using alcohol as a crutch for ANYTHING in my life that made me anxious. I don't know if I am an alcoholic or if I simply use it too much to monitor my emotions. Last weekend I just got sick of alcohol and realized it was to blame for many things that have gone wrong in my life. Drunken mistakes have messed up friendships and relationships. Also, I need to find more effective ways of dealing with issues of anxiety and sadness. Well its only been a few days for me. Haven't had any cravings or withdrawal symptoms. I know the challenge for me will be finding a social scene and ways to fill my weekends that don't involve bars or binge drinking. It will be hard to avoid temptation.
It sounds like you use alcohol to self-my medicate, which is really common. I think it is great that you recognize the emotional issues in your life. Experience shows me that alcohol is not a step in dealing with these emotions, it is an excuse not to. In my humble opinion, you probably won't be able to use alcohol until you have found more healthy ways to confront painful feelings. Maybe you will be able to use it safely one day when you are happier. But then most people on this site would say that if you drink alcoholically once, you should abstain to avoid falling back into a destructive pattern. I don't have the answer, just wanted to offer my experience because I can identify with your struggle.
This is my story so far. I started binge drinking during college as a way to deal with general anxiety and the anxiety of my first serious relationship. That relationship began and ended and began again and ended - it was a vicious cycle. Anyways, I got used to using alcohol as a crutch for ANYTHING in my life that made me anxious. I don't know if I am an alcoholic or if I simply use it too much to monitor my emotions. Last weekend I just got sick of alcohol and realized it was to blame for many things that have gone wrong in my life. Drunken mistakes have messed up friendships and relationships. Also, I need to find more effective ways of dealing with issues of anxiety and sadness. Well its only been a few days for me. Haven't had any cravings or withdrawal symptoms. I know the challenge for me will be finding a social scene and ways to fill my weekends that don't involve bars or binge drinking. It will be hard to avoid temptation.
It sounds like you use alcohol to self-my medicate, which is really common. I think it is great that you recognize the emotional issues in your life. Experience shows me that alcohol is not a step in dealing with these emotions, it is an excuse not to. In my humble opinion, you probably won't be able to use alcohol until you have found more healthy ways to confront painful feelings. Maybe you will be able to use it safely one day when you are happier. But then most people on this site would say that if you drink alcoholically once, you should abstain to avoid falling back into a destructive pattern. I don't have the answer, just wanted to offer my experience because I can identify with your struggle.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by TexaFallenAngel 
and I'm an alcoholics, a functional alcoholic but I am to the point I drink til I'm drunk every single night, I don't get falling down but pretty much am staying numb from the time I get home to the time I go to bed.
TFA,
welcome, this is a great place! The support here, is over the top. Very helpful, informative, & full of grace. with the help at SR I've obtained 17 days!
& I can relate with the liter + vodka a week, I was there, functioning, during the day, smile, smile, take care of that problem. I'm a dear at work, come home & BAM! right there in the blender, on ice, etc.
CarolD has some great resources located at the top of the threads, in the form of stickies? I found them to be a great resource.
I am sending you blessings of peace & sobriety.
Suz
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
TFA,
They have gay/lesbian AA meetings as others have said, especially in a place as large as the DFW metroplex. Heck I am a straight guy and I even have been to a couple of gay/lesbian meetings. We all have the booze problem if nothing else in common.
I don't mean to "one up" you on your drinking problem, but just a story to show how recovery is possible: I drank a liter of bourbon whisky EVERY SINGLE FRICKIN' DAY. Sometimes more.
Now with the support of my family and AA, I have zero desire to drink. It can be that way for you too.
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
They have gay/lesbian AA meetings as others have said, especially in a place as large as the DFW metroplex. Heck I am a straight guy and I even have been to a couple of gay/lesbian meetings. We all have the booze problem if nothing else in common.
I don't mean to "one up" you on your drinking problem, but just a story to show how recovery is possible: I drank a liter of bourbon whisky EVERY SINGLE FRICKIN' DAY. Sometimes more.
Now with the support of my family and AA, I have zero desire to drink. It can be that way for you too.
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Eh? :)
Posts: 1,410
TFA: did you go to the meeting? If so, how was it?
I remember calling AA here in town with my heart beating a mile a minute. So scary to reach out, hm? The first time I ever went to an AA meeting was in January...I walked in (after almost chickening out a million times)...was approached by a woman (thank goodness there was one there that day!) and promptly burst into tears. lol That poor woman! I was a sobbing mess! lol But it got easier.
Keep on posting, we're all very aware/concerned of what you're going through. My lord, these people have helped me so much. All strangers, but I've come to truly care about so many of them! And I'm only on day ten....
I remember calling AA here in town with my heart beating a mile a minute. So scary to reach out, hm? The first time I ever went to an AA meeting was in January...I walked in (after almost chickening out a million times)...was approached by a woman (thank goodness there was one there that day!) and promptly burst into tears. lol That poor woman! I was a sobbing mess! lol But it got easier.
Keep on posting, we're all very aware/concerned of what you're going through. My lord, these people have helped me so much. All strangers, but I've come to truly care about so many of them! And I'm only on day ten....
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