Rowan

Hi Matt,

Late chiming in - computer virus. Temporarily fixed.
I'm in a crap mood today - madder than heck. Don't know why. I don't like it, but I do know that it will pass. It's uncomfortable, but it won't kill me. I just have to make sure I don't take it out on anyone. At work today, I shared with a couple of friends that I was in a mood and not to take it personal. And I kept quiet for the day, and just concentrated on work. What you're feeling is normal. Stay sober, keep talking, keep sharing. You're not alone.

Aysha

Hey my Matty....You know I can feel what your saying.
I think it is good to be angry. Get mad as hell.
Because maybe thats what will make this time stick.
Thats right...Let it out.
But dont use.
Use that anger to fuel your recovery.
Thats what is fueling mine.
Hopefully your finally sick of it all enough to stop for good.
You know I love ya.
And as for using cuss words...Sometimes there just isnt any other way to express yourself without them. IMO.
Your going to be fine.

cmhcali

Hey Matt

I can totally relate. Since I have become sober I have so many different emotions. I mostly feel empty and numb. But I have outbursts of anger and frustration over nothing. Mostly my mom making dumb comments over something she has no control over.

It was kind of funny. I lost it on her the other day. I said that is enough. I need you to stop trying to control things you have no control over. You are driving me nuts (like she was complaining that 10 wheel trucks should not be allowed in the slow lanes dumb stuff) and than thought and I am trying to control her....

So for me I have a sponsor now. I call everyday (I am new so I am only reading and calling at the moment). I plan to do the steps.

It is amazing the transformation I have seen in my ex since doing Step 4. He is on his turn arounds and he does not get mad he is able to see his part in everything. Me on the otherhand. I am still selfish and self centered and cannot understand why everyone is doing this to me. Very sick, but I can relate.

Hope everything works out for you.

warrens

Matt

Is it really anger? Directed at others? Have the people who trigger these emotions earned the right to do so? Or do you give it away too freely?

I am such a delicatessen of emotions lately that I cannot identify the source. I know that if certain things hadn't occurred stuff would be different. And I caused these things to happen. What is symptom and what is disease?
What is treatable and and what is deserved?

In any case, people such as you (and me) and many others deserve to make the world a better place because we are here. Regardless of our transgressions.

What is bio-chemical and what is socio-emotional? Bloody hell if I know. `You are certainly being reactive and not proactive. Ditto for me. Sets up a feedback loop that is very hard to break free from. A few hundred years ago we had famine, war, and untreatable illness to intervene. Only the privileged had the luxury of "melancholia."

Anger is such an amorphous emotion. Very seldom is it a simple cause-effect. I think it plays on what is already there. Thus, road rage, etc. Probably has more to do with a guy's marriage, job, etc, than getting "cut off" in traffic. Years of "stuffing things down" with alcohol, etc.

Healing is its own timekeeper. Can't be rushed and perhaps not even managed. And we must heal "in spite of" all else going on in our lives and in the world. A daunting task, but it must be done. I'm unsure what really helps, but know for certain what will prevent it from occurring. We don't want to go there...

Peace,

warren

RobbyRobot

hey matt, just ride that wicked storm out, guy... theres a great rainbow at the finish, my man.

RR

butterfly19

Matt,

It's taken me a few days to respond to this--mostly because I wasn't sure what to say. The only thing that I knew and felt was that my best friend was hurting inside, and it made my own heart grieve. You give and give to so many of us here. You offer sound, outstanding advice when people have questions about addiction and sobriety. The only problem I could ever see was that you didn't necessarily practice these things. Not that I have either, don't get me wrong. I'm not accusing you or any one of us of doing wrong. What I mean to say is that maybe it's time for you to sit back, and listen to the words you so often speak to the rest of us. You do know the answers to your own questions, Matt, your heart's just not sure it wants to accept them yet.

You give so much of yourself, sweetie, take some time for yourself. Use our shoulders to cry on instead of lending out your own. And accept your anger for what it is and nothing more. Don't make it into what it's not. I hope this makes sense. It's not until you accept this that you can move on.

I think it all boils down to one thing in the end: The Serenity Prayer
We've had this discussion before. Saying it over and over and over, and one day the words click and then you finally just get it. It all becomes painfully clear, the good, the bad, the in-between. Sometimes the things we must accept are quite ugly, but the act of actually accepting these things is quite beautiful. You know what to do. Just close your eyes and dream of sheep. . .

Love you,

SP
xxx


p.s.: Here's a little something I quickly put together for you, my friend. Just for you, prolly no one else will understand it:

You awaken in me a brightness,
A part of me that I kept hidden for so long.
Since meeting we've shared it all with one another,
Laughter, stories, friendship and song

When you hurt, I hurt.
So cry no more my sweet.
The wolf is waiting for you luv
Simply close your eyes and dream of sheep.

Mattcake

Thank you guys and girls, I've printed this thread and I'm looking at it, feeling very grateful for having so much support and understanding. I'll be reading each post carefully and, in a bit, I'll let you all know how I'm doing. It goes without saying that I thank each and every one of you, I really appreciate the diversity of the answers, and I know you all offered input in good faith. Tonight, despite the anger, I feel blessed Thanks so much for that.

Gertiegirl

lol My dahlin, dont forget to print and add the e-mail too!

You are very blessed, you got so many people who care so much about you - and the reason for that I think is that you only ask for what you need - and yet you give out so much more. Plus you have boundries around what you can and cannot do for others and that alone demands respect.

Butterbean (sorry sp, I dunno why I call you that - just do lol, sorry let me know if it offends) mentioned the serenity prayer - Im gonna offer the full version as I know it - ignore the more religious parts if they dont sit with you. Im gonna type it anyhow...

Father, Grant me the serentity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace. Taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trustiing that you will make all things right if I surrender to your will so that I may be reasonably happy in this lifetime, and supremely happy with you in the next.

Now give or take the religious references, and just think on the spiritual side, we will only ever be reasonably happy in this life (IMO) there is too much chaos, hurt and and devestation, for anyone with a pure true heart to be wholly happy. But looking on the bright side - we need to accept that for what it is, not as we would want it to be, because we cant change the past or the future beyond what we ourselves can conrtol (ie whether to pick up the next drink) and in -that- concept alone I find solace and peace. I dont believe in a perfect life or a extactically happy future, without a few challenges it would be boring beyond belief. Take what you have, embrace it, feel it and live in it, one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time. Sometimes its hard - but thats the pathway.

Just throwing in another 2 cents.

Luvvies as always. <3
Gert

sobergirl77

Mattcake, it sounds like you might be going through the grieving process... you are mourning the loss of your good ole' friend alcohol. Anger is one of the steps we have to go through.

I know, I know, it sounds crazy... but I've been told by many sober people that it is completely normal to grieve the loss of alcohol like you would grieve any (bad) relationship. There is Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. (Any of the others sound familiar? I know I've experienced them all at various times).

Tazman53

Matt it sounds as though you are dealing with life a bit better, in early sobriety I went through all kinds of crazy exagerated emotions, I had been drinking them away for so long that I did not know how to deal with them sober, what made a big difference in early sobriety and still does today (Not that I am an old timer by any stretch of the imagination!) was/is the Serenity prayer, as some one already said repeating it slowly over and over again until it starts to sink in helps. What really made a world of difference was working the steps, learning who and what I was, learning my fears, my resentments, my shames and my guilts and how to either deal with or rid myself of them.

Not very often, but sometimes things just build up and I need to get them out...... what helps release, for me pent up frustration and anger is to find a place where I can scream at the top of my voice (without having people call the police!) until I either feel better or I have lost my voice. Actually even the times I lose my voice I feel better.

I can honestly say that having worked the steps and then applying them to all areas of my life daily, it is rare I get angry any more, I have not done the screaming deal in over a year at least, the world is a far more peaceful friendly place then it used to be for me.