StayinAlive

And why do they have to call drinks with no booze Virgin anyway........non-alcaholic isn't very flattering either geeeesh. So any wayyys..........

It was a beautiful sunny west coast day off, the sun was hot the ocean breeze was refreshing. After a few hours at the beach i was thirsty and hungry and thought it would be nice to finish off the day with a salad and some refreshing drinks at a restaurant with a roof top patio on the sea. Celebrating life with almost year sobriety and living in the present i ordered a pear and blue cheese salad and a "virgin" mojita, love the mint lime soda mix.

I took one small sip of the drink and new in an instant that it was not virginess at all. A lot of thoughts and feeling poured over me at that moment........triggered? you bet! In the few nano seconds after that sip i felt the psychological glow and already had a few scenarios played out, justifications for finishing that drink like( i will just ignore that taste its probably not alcohol, or i had a sip now i might as well finish it) But i didn't, i promptly marched up to the bar to return the drink.

It was a little upsetting, i know it was an honest mistake but i kind of felt violated and disappointed. I wondered if my sober time is ruined and if i could still take my year cake etc etc. It was just a small sip and i recovered quickly to enjoy my evening and will have no problem celebrating my year of accomplishments.

How would you feel? And please come up with alternatives, for "Virgin "and "non alcoholic" I am not sure these are global terms for drinks with no booze but there has to be better terms.

I will have a lime Margarita clean please!

Astro

Never had that happen, but then again I don't order "virgin" drinks. I did eat a dessert one night that had the faint taste of amaretto, one bite and I didn't eat anymore. I even felt kind of funny about that and considered whether it was a slip. I guess if I'd started choking it down to get a buzz then it would've been an issue.

If I want something that looks like a cocktail I'll order club soda with a lime wedge, otherwise ice tea or any soft drink is my usual choice.

Suzisharpshoote

I think I would have thrown it at the barmaid..but then again I'm only on day 12 and a bit peevy these days, ok a lot peeved..but congrats on a year..boy I can't wait for that day..but I'll just stick to this evening...

Suz

tommyk

I didn't understand alcoholism until I realized I was an alcoholic, even then it took a lot of study and empathy to understand it in others. I always just figured some people should simply choose not to drink, and even then maybe just not drink so much. I was clueless as to the 'disease'.

So... I don't expect bartenders and other people to have any idea what it is like to be an alcoholic or a non-drinker. I can understand why/how a bartender gave you an alcoholic based drink - that's what bartenders do. I don't condone his/her actions, but consider that person absolutely clueless as to your disease.

I don't order any 'pretend' drinks. Water or pop/soda. No near beer, no virgin drinks.

So, while I understand your frustrations with the virgin drink containing alcohol, I believe it is up to each and every one of us to protect/guard our sobriety. I don't want my body, brain, and/or taste buds to have even the slightest re-introduction to alcohol. I'm not prepared to face what 'might' happen.

Just for me - it's like don't play with fire.

StayinAlive

That happened to me to Astro, i love crem brulet(spelling???) and one got served up dripping with somthing.....coniac? Again a major let down lol.

If i could get a lime slurpee in a restaurant i would but they call it a Margarita, i dont really care if it looks like a cocktail, i was a beer and whiskey guy who was never big on umbrellas and straws. lol

Lately i usually get cran and soda, its tasty and refreshing not too sweet, coke gets old.

Ya i dont even consider it a slip but it was definitely a moment.

StayinAlive

i agree tommy thats a good policy. for the longest time i didn't even go to a place that served alcohol and i still choose not to drink near beer as well. Like i said it was an honest mistake on the servers behalf and a wake up call for me.

barb dwyer

I was a YEAR sober before I could drink OJ or Cranberry juice because of the trigger thing.

I'm glad you don't consider this a slip because it wasn't.
Not in MY universe, anyhow.
Being alcoholic -
nobody else's universe counts anyhow.

But it's a great example of there being no 'cure' for triggers.
It's a treatable condition.
But it doesn't go away .. ever.

Thanks for sharing that.

StayinAlive

congrats on your sober heart beats sharpshooter, i remember those cranky and depressed days all to well. It will pass keep working at it.

It was actually a nice restaurant, maybe if it was one of my old watering holes firing projectiles at the barmaid would be the norm haha......ok not really.

Ananda

yeah stayin alive! I wouldn't consider it a slip in anyone else, but like you I would probably have thoughts that it was when it was me...cause I'm so special it's different

For me, I don't worry too much about "accidently" getting alchohol in my system. I take reasonable precautions and let it go. I believe that the spiritual remedy for alchoholism has a lot to do with letting go of my fear. Fear causes me to react in any number of spiritually harmful and mentally and physically harmful ways to the world around me.

I have some faith today that if I continue to take reasonable actions in my life not based on fear but rather on hope and love, I will most probably stay sober...and no matter how hard I try to "protect" myself from alchohol....total safety is not entirely in my hands.

sct

My solution to this is to show the waiter/waitress my ID... I'm six months clean and STILL not old enough to buy an alcoholic drink... Hahaha. Usually I stick to water or iced tea though.

Suzisharpshoote

StayinAlive

I'm learning so much on these threads, and so many are much further ahead than me lol...I'm glad to hear that being cranky is part of the process and that it will pass. I am cranky these days...REALLY CRANKY...I also have declined going out for fear of being near a bar....I would never really want to hurt an inocent bartender.

I'll just spend the rest of my summer at the ice cream shop around the corner!

Thanks so much for this site, and all the experience here.

Daddio

Hey TommyK - easy there fellow. Don't forget that ol Daddio here is a Barkeeper. And I am very well aware of people's needs. I can assure that the Keep didn't give out a leaded Mojito on purpose. Some drinks are just not designed with the "Virgin" in mind. If one of my staff were to come up to me and ask for a Virgin Mojito I would look at them like they were nuts.

Next time order a Mojito Spacer. They will know what that means. Or a Vodka Tonic Spacer or a whatever "Spacer" and they will know to not put hootch in it.

On behalf of all Barkeepers I offer our humble apologies.

TheMaster

Strange thing, these triggers. I could actually go to a bar & not touch it. Primarily because I did all of my drinking at home, where I was safe.

Last friday night (it's only been 2 weeks or so) I rode off on my bike for an hour or so, to get out of the room where I drank. I really wanted to, that night.

Instead, I rode around & found this site, after going back home...

dancinggirl

Daddio: how do you handle being a bartender while also an alcoholic?! Wow!!!

I never even thought about what would happen to me with a "virgin" drink...I think after reading this that it would just be waaaay too much of a trigger for me. But then again, I'm on Day Five....lol....so not much "isn't" a trigger for me!

fallingdown

I hear ya, stayin alive. I absolutely love non-alcoholic pina coladas and I haven't had anyone mess up on me yet. Although yesterday I ate a frozen Chinese lunch thingy that was so awful I was compelled to look at the ingredients and imagine my surprise when I found "wine" on the list...it was so completely unenjoyable that I didn't even worry about it being a "slip".

tommyk

You are correct, and I'm sure you are a responsible bartender.

I knew one real piece of sh*t behind the bar once though who would intentionally put alcohol in girl's non-alcohol drinks, and extra alcohol in girl's alcohol drinks, in an effort to get them drunk. He thought it was funny. This guy was the absolute exception I'm sure, he deserved to be shot, but he sure made it clear to me that some people will do anything.

All in all though, bartenders are great people.

Jersey Nonny

When I was about a month sober, I bit into a Christmas fruitcake, and realized it was heavily laced with rum! I spit it out, and immediately called my sponsor...afraid this would be considered a "slip". He had a little chuckle, and assured me I was OK, but had done the right thing in not gobbling the rest of it down...it did taste good. I think your sober instincts kicked in, and you did the right thing, too.

Some of my best friends were bartenders/owners...but, that was when I was drinking, and looking for that occasional freebie! Now, I've learned to make friends with the Director of Food Services and the kitchen help. I often get little extra treats...even now, it pays to know who doles out the goodies.

Ananda

Hey daddy....I was a bartender the first time I got sober for the first 9 mos. It actually really strenghtend my program. I do AA, so I was told to take spiritual reading material and alchohism information to work with me and anytime I thought about drinking to read from those books....did a lot of reading! (I was the daytime bartender to cut costs in a hotel...so until about 4pm there were few customers, but those who were there early were usually heavy drinkers...made me feel grateful, and some of my customers ended up in AA later)

Daddio

I would like to alert you guys to something else. At our restaurant all of the pies are scratch made. HOWEVER, (for example) the Coconut Creme has Coconut Rum in it, the Chocolat Pie has Hazelnut Liqeuer, our Banana Pudding has Banana Liqeuer and so the list goes. For the most part the liquor is cooked out - but the essense is there. So if any of that stuff is a trigger for you - ask the Chef what s/he uses as flavorings. I too am a Chef so I know that alcohol is (can) be an integral part of cooking. Just thought y'all would like to know.

This PSA brought to you by DADDIO.

And as far as working in a bar goes. I don't know, I guess I just got over it. I am so laid back that that crap just doesn't bother me any more. I spent the majority of my life in the Engineering world. Building nuclear power plants, or retail stores or even having my own construction/engineering business. So now, for however many years the good Lord will give me, I am going to be a Chef, at my own Bistro (opening in a few weeks BTW) and just not worry about it anymore. My butt has been so tight constantly thinking about trigger this or trigger that, that I finally just had to get my head in a different place. And I hope that all my SR buddies out there can do the same. I started to say something about a sixteen penny nail, but I'll hold off on that.

Life is so short. Just ease up a bit and have fun

StayinAlive

Thanks for the heads up on that Daddio, must be nice to get away from all that other high pressure stuff and do something for yourself, Is your bistro nuclear powered??? Ha ha......
I know what you mean by being able to chill out. I am getting a taste of that with almost a year under my belt. But the first 6 to 8 months recovery is a full time Job. Your coming up on 2 years, so sobriety must become second nature for you by now. I will be there for your grand opening and have some good eats and a couple of spacers of some sort