Deadman31

Hello all,

I am new here and would like to share my story. I am 33 years old. I quit drinking when I was 26 and gave up drugs about 4 or 5 years ago.

I had a serious(well, looking back on it, to me it was anyway.) for about 10 years. It started with alcohol, then it became marijuana and alcohol, and it just snowballed from there ending(more or less) about 4 years ago when I started doing cocaine and popping pills, although neither became an addiction as I realized what I was doing to myself. Pretty typical story I guess.

Now to my question. I had always heard people say that once you quit all that stuff everything becomes so much better, clearer, etc. Unfortunately, I feel like I am brain damaged from everything I did. I just kind of go through the motions every day, I have no passion for anything. I have a hard time communicating with people and most of my friends are long gone(not passed on or anything just all married and moved on). I am very depressed by all this because I look back on my life and it seems the only happy times I ever had were the drugs and alcohol. I had friends, a really good paying job, the love of my life, and somehow after I gave up my addictions everything went wrong.

Seriously, did I do something wrong along the way? Thanks for any help.

tommyk

I went to NA/AA meetings after I was 10 years clean to find the answers to the questions you spoke of.

I realized that clean time does not equal recovery.

NA/AA changed my life, maybe you can find some of the answers there too?

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

You've done great by leaving behind drugs and alcohol. But, I do believe that recovery takes a lot of daily work. What kinds of things do you do to help your recovery?

I wonder if it's possible that you are depressed and if you've ever talked to your dr about that?

Deadman31

I supposed I could be depressed and maybe I have been depressed for a long time without realizing it, but beyond that I just don't feel functional. I guess what I am trying to say is I look at other people and they all seem so normal to me and I feel out of place whether it's just talking to someone or just trying to do everyday things.

Dee74

I didn't just stop drinking.

I looked at why I drank and drugged, and did my best to fix my life and myself.

I really think that's the key

D

RayRayRay

You're not alone, Deadman....

I have no words of wisdom to offer you...Just the knowledge that you aren't the only one who feels like you've missed something along the way.....

Deadman31

I dont know the reason why I started drinking and drugging never really thought about it. It might go back to high school where I was bullied really badly. I also just wanted to have a good time, but I guess it was all just fake good times.

Maybe, I thought things would be different when I quit. I will be honest, my main reason for quitting was to get my love back and I thought if I cleaned up she would see me for me and everything would work out but unfortunately that never happened but as time went on I realized I needed to clean up for myself and I did. Then, everything bad started happening. Lost my job, got married to the wrong person, got a new job which started out great but has turned into a nightmare and I cant stand but am trapped there.

Sorry if my thoughts are over the place, but I appreciate any help.

nogard

Welcome to SR It gets better every day even the tough days in fact it may well be especially the tough days!

CarolD

....Welcome!

I think a medical opinion might be the way to go.

Keep posting with us.. glad you are here...

Deadman31

Thanks RayRayRay. I am glad someone kind of understands what I am saying. I know I can be a little erratic in my thoughts, so I appreciate everyone else's help.

I do have good moments, not really days, but most of my days are just not as good as I had hoped.

least

I've been severely depressed for many years, way before I started drinking. It would be wise to see a doctor to check you out physically as well as emotionally. A lot of the feelings you describe are my feelings also: feeling 'disconnected' from life, feeling 'not normal' like others, and so on. PLease take care of yourself in your recovery.