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Is it true?

Old 07-12-2008, 03:09 PM
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In rehab we would have these 'polite confrontation' exercises where I would have to tell someone something they do/did that I did not like.

I was terrible at this exercise because when someone did something in real life that I didn't like I would just drink until I forgot about whatever they did, or I would get drunk and unload on them about it.

Either way, I didn't know how to engage in 'confrontation' without alcohol, let alone be polite about it. Most people learn how to do that in their teens. I was learning basic people skills and interpersonal skills in my late 30's.

(No, it doesn't apply to ALL alcoholics, and some alkies suffer the problem worse than others. Just my opinion.)
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Old 07-12-2008, 03:27 PM
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does that go for drugs as well?

I'd have to vote for it being very likely. I look at my friends who are my age, and I can't figure out when they stopped acting like we all did when we were hanging around.

I think when they handed out the mature sticks, I must have been too high to take one.
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Old 07-12-2008, 03:53 PM
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klynn..I know exactly how you feel.
I am like the only person my age I know that acts like I do.
I am like a teenager.
but I am responsible when I have to be.
I can carry a conversation with another adult.
Maybe I just dont want to grow up.
yea..Thats it.
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Old 07-12-2008, 04:53 PM
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that's my excuse too

and since now I know I'm not the only one using it - I think I'll stick with it.
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Old 07-12-2008, 05:56 PM
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TM
but I need to act serious.
hell, what do you think my sig is all about?

theres a huge difference between not taking oneself to serious, and not being serious...


acting like a mature sensible, level headed adult... yikes!

for me, baby patte grew up at the age of 50!

you will find all the missing pieces to the puzzle TM, just keep moving foward, and all will be ok...

and as it should...

good wishes TM

blessings

rz
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Old 07-12-2008, 07:12 PM
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Thank you Rusty.
I will keep on keepin on and hopefully sooner or later I will be okay being me.
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Old 07-12-2008, 07:54 PM
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Since when was being a grown up a good idea?

(kidding, kidding)

I guess I'm a bit late to this thread but I wanted to say I don't know if we're emotionally stunted in some way because of drinking, but I do know that there are some areas of my life I've avoided facing/being adult about and would drink rather than deal with them. That said-I do know people who don't drink who seriously need to grow up as well!(in my ever so humble opinion-lol)

I guess I don't really analyse it that much.I just need to focus on where I am and I what I need to learn/change for now.Good to think about though.Thanks!
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Old 07-12-2008, 08:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Rusty Zipper View Post
theres a huge difference between not taking oneself to serious, and not being serious...rz
yeah, that's it right there!
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Old 07-12-2008, 09:10 PM
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As alkies and addicts I believe we sell ourselves short in the emotional development area. I know many people, of the non-alcoholic variety, who handle adversity and relationships in much the same manner as an alcoholic would, they just don’t drink.

Many people live their lives riddled with anger and resentment, filled with emotional distress and at times it seems to be a solution for them, bouncing from one tragedy to the next dilemma.

If I could manage my life in this way I probably would, but I can’t! I’m alcoholic, emotional turmoil is toxic for me. Anger and resentment left to fester in my brain will lead me to my demise, back to my false solution, back to the bottle.

I seem to drift in and out of emotional maturity. Just when I think I’m all grown up, I’ll behave in some childish manner and it will bother me greatly. Fortunately, I’ve found a solution in a power greater then myself. That power speaks to me through the people in my meetings and others who remind me, if I continue to let them; that it’s OK not to be perfect and it’s of utmost importance to allow others to not be perfect.

In this way I begin to work steps 4 through 9. I begin to deflate my ego and give God room to enter my world. This is not the only path to serenity but it’s the path I’ve found myself on.

Mine is a mountain of shortcomings, defects and self-centeredness and I can’t move mountains. But with the help of God and friends I can dig away, a little at a time, I can make progress.

Peace
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Old 07-14-2008, 08:46 AM
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Thank you for the honesty of that post 353.

It seems as if I am being tested by alot of emotional turmoil lately. I don't have much anger - but more that gnawing feeling at the pit of my stomach. I hope I have the strength to deal with it in an appropriate manner. I tend to hide if there is too much going on at once - but with the turmoils I am dealing with now - I have to stay strong.
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Old 07-14-2008, 09:52 AM
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my daughter is 24 and her addiction took charge at around 17/18. her maturity/accomplishment level has certainly been affected. it's sad too, because a lot of her friends are really passing her up now. and i know she feels defeated by that sometimes. she can recover though. when she decides she's done digging.
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Old 07-18-2008, 08:02 PM
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I have decided that I appreciate being immature for my age. It allows me to:

1. Sit in the driveway with my daughter and friends and talk about random teenage issues.
2. Shoot hoops with my daughter
3. Ride my bike just to feel the breeze in my hair
4. notice and take in nature - stop and smell the roses.
5. Have a bumblebee collection "not real one's", however I want to be a bee keeper when I grow up. lol
6. Shop at American Eagle
7. play video games with my boys
8. jump on the trampolene
9. Start the food fights when were eating on the patio
10. Spray people with the garden hose
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Old 07-18-2008, 10:03 PM
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YES from personal experience alone I can definitely say that my emotional growth and sense of responsibility have been stunted, but physically, I am much older than I should be. My 29 year old brother is a lot more mature than I am. I started drinking heavily at 21 and am now 33 so I'm still emotionally about 20. Hope this helps.
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Old 07-18-2008, 10:18 PM
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This is a very good topic. And I dont think there are any stupid questions in recovery.
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Old 07-19-2008, 12:00 AM
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Great question. I have pondered this one many times. I started drinking/smoking pot at the age of 14. But I never really spun out of control until I reached the age of 39. But prior to that I worked, raised children (Clean and sober for both pregnancies, and then didn't have any alcohol in the house for thier first 12 years).

So what did that mean? I stopped growing at 14, started again at 26, and then stopped again at 39?

Oh it's too much...I'm going to bed.

Nigh, nigh...
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Old 07-20-2008, 08:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Jeeplady View Post
It's a strange feeling.
Even before I saw this similiar thread and before I tried to stop drinking, I thought often...."I still feel young.... I've been left behind by my peers...I don't behave the same way OR think the same way" as others my age.
I use to boost that I didn't fall into the trap of "getting older"...when in fact, I denied myself spiritual growth and emotional growth.
It makes me feel sad
Jeep-

I wish you were not feeling so sad. Sound like were in the same boat.

I go back and forth on my moods and have noticed that people my age are sometimes boring, not always - but sometimes.

It can get to be too much to think about sometimes. I guess we just have to be happy that we are sober now and go from there.
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Old 07-20-2008, 09:17 AM
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I guess I feel that I grew spiritually, mentally and physically during my drinking days. I am better able to utilize what I learned now that I am sober. When I went back to drinking at the age of 40, I think I was as emotionally and spiritually grown as anyone my age.....in most areas. I see this in normies too.

That said...there are areas (not all) where I am really like a teenager right now. And I hope that I always grow and learning new things always makes me feel like I'm just a baby at whatever it is I'm learning...and thats great!

It's called being teachable.

Mostly, as someone else sorta said...why worry...just start where you are
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Old 07-20-2008, 01:44 PM
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you don't stop, but you do slow down in your growth I think.
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