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I need your help...PLEASE HELP HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE!

Old 07-10-2008, 06:24 PM
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I need your help...PLEASE HELP HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE!

Hi everyone. It sure seems like a nice group of folks here.

I'm in my late forties and have had several drinks a night since I started drinking at 22. My moment of truth is about up--I KNOW I can't keep being such a bad role model for my kids.

One is about to graduate and we are going off abroad together for a graduation present. This is my last chance to show him that I'm someone who can be looked up to. I've got to get this out of my system before I leave. There is nothing like a road trip to really learn about someone. He sees me as mostly functional due to work and educational success but I'm sure he suspects I have a problem. A couple of weeks on the road with no privacy will remove all doubt.

I quit once two years ago for seven weeks and I did have ONE night a few weeks ago without a drink (whoopee). My point is that I don't think I'm risking my life or anything as far as withdrawals tonight but I am really dreading this. I'm two hours past the point where I would have had about three glasses of wine. I'm edgy but not going nuts. A BIG problem is that my wife is in the same boat but is in denial. (I think this might be why she doesn't want to go on a trip of a lifetime with us.) This makes for a great enabling situation but I'm not a victim...these are my choices...

Aw heck...I'm just rambling...

If any kind folks would check in with me from time to time that would help give me incentive to stay sober--I don't like to let others down--even strangers...

I'm very afraid my kids might repeat my example if I don't nip this in the bud.

Thanks again for reading this and considering to check in with me--either by this thread or a direct message thru SR.

Thanks again,

God bless...

P.S. I’ll be checking in while on the road so please feel free to encourage me. I’d be happy to return the favor if needed.
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Old 07-10-2008, 06:28 PM
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Welcome to our recovery community

I'm an alcoholic and pill addict, and today I celebrate two years clean and sober. I got into recovery while my children were young, but they still have been affected by my alcoholism. I had to do more than quit drinking; I had to change. I had to change a lot.
I had to replace the alcohol with something - for me, the answer was found in the rooms of AA. Many get sober without Alcoholics Anonymous, and I respect that - it just hasn't been my experience.

Please continue to check in, enjoy your family holiday, and be grateful that you have the opportunity to change your life starting now.
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Old 07-10-2008, 06:33 PM
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Thanks Rowan. Wise words...
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Old 07-10-2008, 07:19 PM
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take advantage of the break from your routine on the trip to help you to make diferent choices about drinking while you are gone....not always a bad thing to be in a different environment.

my son is so grateful for the change in me since I got sober! Yours will probably notice a posititve change as well over time.

like rowan, i attend aa and there is one part in the text that talks about how we can get sober REGARDLESS of anyone!

So you can do this with or without the support of a spouse.

Take care and keep posting and reading!
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Old 07-10-2008, 07:49 PM
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First of all, if your kid wants to go on a big trip with just the two of you- that's a pretty good sign! They probably wouldn't want to go if they didn't like you a whole lot. He probably also knows more about your problem than you do- kids are so perceptive like that (I'm the kid of an alcoholic, so I have some experience in this arena). Hopefully- the trip will change up your routine and be a great memory- I'll be thinking good thoughts for you!
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Old 07-10-2008, 08:19 PM
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Borntobe,

Hey Boss, I'm here for you. One day at a time, it works. If you haven't heard it before... It's the first drink that gets you drunk, don't drink it.

I really think to recover you need the support of AA. Perhaps you can catch a meeting wherever you happen to be. If not, I would definitely look into it when you get back. We're all just like you, no worries really. I spent a lifetime killing myself a little each day, AA is helping me to live again, you can't under estimate it's benefits in my opinion.

"Willpower tells me I must, but willingness tells me I can."

John
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Old 07-10-2008, 08:27 PM
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Congratulations on a wise decision - sounds like you're getting off the merry-go-round just in time. I kept going until I left a path of destruction I still can't make right. You sound very positive, not feeling sorry for yourself or full of dread. That's so important. It will be interesting to see how different your life can be without the anesthesia. I hope your wife will come to see things your way. Enjoy your time together. Love, Joanie
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Old 07-10-2008, 08:40 PM
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When my kids were born I figured my drinking had to be dealt with, just not right now. I had a little more time. Birthdays would roll around and I knew I had to do something soon. Just not just yet. I still had some time. Kindergarten started and I said that I would need to be doing something about my drinking pretty soon. Not just yet however. Little friends would come over and see me drinking. They didn't know about alcohol since they were only 5-6 years old. Therefore I still had some drinking to do. Pretty soon I would need to do something about it.
Pretty soon the kids put 2-2 together and figured it out. It wasn't that bad since they didn't really know what was going on. I still had to quit someday.
Someday came!! I was met at the Day Care by a Woman from Social Services and a couple of cops. They took the kids away.
I got in my truck and the cop was at my right window and the woman was at the drivers window explaining that I could go home and pack the kids cloths and some toys to bring then to their new Foster Home. All the while I was sliding my drink between the seat and the door so they couldn't see it.
That was my last drink! 09/03/03
Moral of the story is don't wait till the right moment to do something about your drinking for the kids sake. Tomorrow might be too late!
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Old 07-10-2008, 08:54 PM
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cleaning after my mess
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Old 07-10-2008, 09:08 PM
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Glad to know you are planning on sobriety.
Freedom from alcohol is soooo rewarding.
Enjoy your trip...

Welcome to SR!
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Old 07-10-2008, 09:13 PM
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Hi!

I'll send some prayers your way! It take a lot of courage to do what you are doing, so good for you for making the choice!
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Old 07-10-2008, 09:24 PM
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What a perfect opportunity to quit drinking. You're out doing different things each day, which is one of the major sources of success. So just concentrate on the trip and all that it means instead of the trip and what part is missing.

You'll do fine because all of here at SR are pulling for you. We will be checking in you from time to time.
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Old 07-11-2008, 11:17 AM
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Welcome to SR..

Please keep posting, we are here for you...:ghug2
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Old 07-11-2008, 11:45 AM
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Take it one day at a time. It works, but I often have trouble thinking just about today and not regretting yesterday or dreading tomorrow.

One day at a time!:ghug3
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Old 07-11-2008, 07:18 PM
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THANK YOU KIND SOULS who have responded to my request for help...

There are some REALLY neats folks here. There is a fine line between victory and defeat and I can't express enough how I think you guys might have nudged me on the right side of the line.

A few of you have even sent me e-mails that I've attempted to return but it looks as though I don't have enough activity yet to respond (5 posts needed per SR?). Please be patient. I am VERY thankful for EVERY one of them and I WILL respond as soon as I figure this message board out (and in between packing).

Again...Thank you kind strangers for paying a favor "forward" to me. I guess some have done the same for you in the past. I am hoping so much to be able to pay it forward for others in the future here...just as you all have for me.

OK...rambling again...suffice it to say...

THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART...
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Old 07-11-2008, 08:34 PM
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By allowing us to help you, you're helping us. If I can brighten anyone's day or ease their burden through my words it means everything to me and helps keep me straight. Thanks for the opportunity. Love, Joanie
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Old 07-11-2008, 09:53 PM
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If I am understanding things correctly, this will be post #5 and I can reply to the kind people who have been contacting me.
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Old 07-13-2008, 08:02 AM
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I’m twenty and can’t speak as a parent because I’m not one, but as an individual who believes life is determined by what you say and do and not how many words you speak or years you’ve lived, *and* as a daughter:

To have sustained a relationship with your child and be a part of their life you’ve already succeeded in so many ways. That’s something to be proud of. I say that ‘cause me and my parents never got that far. Whether your kids appreciate, or are willing to admit they appreciate, that right now...they will eventually.

One of your kids is about to graduate? Well while that is their achievement, it is also yours because your kid themselves is your achievement, yet another reason to smile and be proud (of yourself and your kid).

Wow, you want to spend time with your kid and value the importance of that...that’s good parenting. And congrats’ on your work and educational achievements. I hope I can put the work in to have them too someday .

My partner is also is some sort of denial. He’s pinning gear daily, and for a long time it enabled me to do the same, but I’m finally embracing what you have already realised: I am not a victim and I have choices. That’s something you can teach your kid through being honest about your problems. I really respect that.

I just wanted to say thank you for posting to me, and listening to my story, and I wish I’d had a parent who thought how you do, and saw their kids as a reason to try and better themselves. When I really needed my ‘rents to be there it wasn’t that I wanted them to be perfect. Them being honest with me wouldn’t have made them weak in my eyes, it would’ve made me have so much respect and given me the courage to do the same. Seeing them avoiding their problems didn’t make me think they were strong, it made it easy for me to do the same and made me angry because I couldn’t reach them. I could identify with them, but only through the negative and eventually our relationship just disappeared completely. I really respect what you’re doing to support and be honest with your kid. I sort of envy it too, but whether your kid appreciates that now or not...they will.

Thanks once again!
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Old 07-13-2008, 08:04 AM
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Hope things are going well for you...don't know if you have left on your trip yet or not...hope to hear from you soon!

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