jodyjody

I'm going tomorrow night at 7:30 and I'm really scared. I found a Women's only meeting but I'm still so scared. I've never been afraid to speak in front of people or approach people but....oh my God....I'm so scared. What if I start crying uncontrollably like I am right now?
The people (my mom) that I thought would be supportive are really very clueless and very insensitive about this. Of course, I want to use this as a reason to quit the whole idea of quitting. Really...I thought tonight that I would just start up again to spite them....what the hell is wrong with me?

Ugh...I can't get this out of my head. I sent her an article about addiction. What she said is that she will save her compassion for people who go to doctors and don't know they're getting addicted. I relapsed and should have known better.

I'm really having a hard time here. I just want to feel okay right now.

ThisIsTheDay

Good for you going to a meeting...

I know what your going thru...I keep relapsing, but keep trying!
At least you know you need help...good luck at the meeting tomorrow!

jodyjody

Thank you both. I put too much importance on my Mom's acceptance and support. I'm 37 with my own kids.....why do I care so much about her caring?

I'm really looking forward to the meeting tonight.

Anna

Jody,

It's really hard for others to understand what we are going through. I so badly wanted my husband and kids to be understanding and compassionate, but I had to let that go. When I found SR, I realized that this is where I can find support.

I'm glad you're seeking help and I wish you well with your meeting tonight.

Iloow

I agree with Anna. Have a link to my thread where I went to my first meeting. I had a lot of trepidation as well.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ing-today.html

I hope it helps a little. And like they say, the first meeting is only the start. Keep going back, you will find a meeting that is right for you, because ultimately we all have different stories but are the same.

HeavyJ

jodyjody!

Good for you, go to the meeting, cry if you want to, Focus less on quitting and more on starting your new life...

Heavy

CarolD

I think of meetings as classrooms for sober living.
...The more you go...the quicker you learn.

I am really proud of you for exploring recovery.

jodyjody

Thanks for your support guys. I went to the meeting tonight (NA). I am addicted to pain pills. Most of the women there were recovering meth addicts and most were also court ordered to be there. But you know...I still felt more understood than I have in a long time. There was a woman that celebrated her 16 years sober and I just tried to be inspired by her strength and pride tonight. I took a handful of tissues with me but they stayed in my purse. I couldn't share. i just couldn't go there yet. I passed two pharmacies on the way and was so mad at myself for even reminiscing about them. ****...I just so want to wake up from this bad dream. I can't even believe that this is where I put myself.

Thank you for being here for me. I wish we could all sit in on a meeting together.

Iloow

Congratulations Jody. I shared on my second meeting but only because I am extroverted and felt as if I was ready to talk. You will know when you are ready. I love the meetings as whilst we are all different we all share a common goal, to get and stay sober. I am glad that you had a positive experience there and remember to keep going back, if you feel it is right for you.

I reminisce about drinking in pubs a bit still, but I do not miss the hiding the drinking around the house.

Good luck in your recovery and keep comng back here.

whiskerkissed

Hun - I 100% relate to exactly where you are!! I thought I was going to puke going to me first meeting. I was terrified. It's not the fact that I'm going to a meeting that scares me...if it was just any meeting. This was a meeting I was going to because of my inability to help myself. A meeting to bare my shortcomings. A meeting I was to force myself to be honest with me that I am an addict. You don't just walk into something like that without having some real reservations.

You'll get through it. You be fine. So what if you cry. You will find compassion there and you'll keep going back.

I've not missed a meeting in a week and I AM glad I keep going back. It's getting easier...but that first step was monumental.

I'm sending strength your way...:ghug3