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-   -   Looking for Perspective (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/152895-looking-perspective.html)

Newport1 07-01-2008 06:35 PM

Looking for Perspective
 
I'm in a bit of a funk tonight... which is I guess what brought me here. More than anything else I'm looking for a bit of perspective, words of advice or perhaps anyone with a similar story to compare to.

As a bit of backstory, I'm 19, a Junior at a Ivy League University, I'm well respected by my professors and peers, and I drink 7 nights a week. I can count the number of nights I haven't drank over the last year, and I've reached a point where a few drinks in a night simply can't cut it. I've convinced myself that this is not a problem since I make very good grades, am actively involved in a number of organizations, and on the outside am a model student aiming for big things in the future.

However, as I sit here with a vodka tonic in my hand I'm having the same thoughts I've had many times in the past 2 years. I know that once I've finished this post I'll go over to a friend's, and we'll drink heavily. I'll eventually wander home, go to bed, go to class tomorrow morning in a daze and try to come to terms with the things I said or did last night.

It's become such a routine that I don't quite remember life before I started drinking like this. I almost want to hit some sort of breaking point, be it social, academic, financial, just something that will force me to rethink my current nightly ritual. I feel as though I cannot be considered an alcoholic given my aptitude in other areas of life, but I'm starting to wonder if having 8-15 drinks every night is something I will be unable to break in the future.

And now I'm off to another night of drinking...

1963comet 07-01-2008 06:53 PM

Hi and welcome

If you are doing so good in school while drinking. Just think of what you can do if you stop. You could go places.

Just a thought.

CarolD 07-01-2008 07:13 PM

Welcome to our recovery community..:wave:

Blackouts are explained on #17 here

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

and do read the entire thread please.

Glad you are here with us...:)

whiskerkissed 07-01-2008 07:23 PM


Originally Posted by Newport1 (Post 1821508)
I'm in a bit of a funk tonight...

I almost want to hit some sort of breaking point, be it social, academic, financial, just something that will force me to rethink my current nightly ritual. I feel as though I cannot be considered an alcoholic...

I'm not an alcoholic...mine goes in a different direction...but I know all about funk and trying to make some sense of it.

Breaking point...like disastrous fall-apart? Hmmm...no need to go that far. You're hear to begin with trying to figure out if you really have a problem. If you're questioning it...you may have reached some sort of breaking point in your own thought process. You ARE rethinking your nightly ritual, after all. You came here didn't you?

Navigate the forum - read a few posts and see just where your situation falls into the mix. I hope you find some of the answers you need within this community...:-)

Aysha 07-01-2008 08:10 PM

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Bamboozle 07-01-2008 08:10 PM

Newport:

If anyone asked me to cut off my right leg at this moment, I would take him or her for a fool. It's hard to admit it, but I honestly believe I need booze to function at times. I don't like that about myself.

I didn't go to an Ivy league school, but I did work full time and earned a scholarship while being a full time student at a modest sized university when I was an alcoholic. I could function fine during the day and then get hammered at the end of nearly everyday. As you said, I could count how many days (on average) I was completely sober during any given year (It was less than ten).

I'm not going to try to guess your situation concerning why it is you drink so much alcohol. All I know is that it started as a way for me to unload some serious stress and baggage. For some, that’s not much of an excuse, but it’s what happened and it’s who I am, whether I or anyone else likes it or not. I’m sorry I don’t have any advice for you because I don’t have my problem under control. I do have tremendous respect for the people here who have been sober for years, but their minds are at a different place than mine, so I find it impossible to relate to what it is they have to say. If you believe you have a problem to solve, then I hope you find the solution. I feel as though I’m going to be looking for a way out for a long time to come. Regardless, I know two things for certain: I’m tired of myself and I haven’t given up. Take it easy.

Anna 07-01-2008 08:22 PM

I'm not really sure what you're looking for Newport.

You said you're doing great in an Ivy League school, getting good marks. You participate in activitities. But, I think you;re concerned that alcohol is causing problems, particularly in the mornings with your memory and what you might have said the night before. Yeah, I know what that's like. One thing that is a fact is that alcoholism is a progressive disease and will continue to worse, unless you stop it. So, the control you think you have now, will lessen.

I will also mention that having aptitude has nothing to do with alcoholism. There are writiters, politicians, doctors, dentists, lawyers, pharmacists, as well as the whole spectrum of the work force, who are addicts. Some are highly poductive for awhile. Take a look around and read and learn.

Pinkcuda 07-01-2008 08:36 PM


Originally Posted by Newport1 (Post 1821508)
I feel as though I cannot be considered an alcoholic given my aptitude in other areas of life, but I'm starting to wonder if having 8-15 drinks every night is something I will be unable to break in the future.

Yale or Jail. It doesn't matter since Alcoholism doesn't discriminate. But it's not something anyone can answer except you. I do know that countless thousands of College Kids spend half of their life drunk and then resume normal lives after graduation.
Best wishes whatever you decide.

Latte 07-02-2008 01:12 AM

Bottoms are different for everyone.

I found mine when I was told I couldn't be alone with my children.

This is an awesome place to read and get advice.

Stick around.

tommyk 07-02-2008 05:33 AM

Welcome to the forum, Newport, and thanks for that post.

Just curious - why would you want to continue that lifestyle?

22NGONE 07-02-2008 06:11 AM

Newport,

Hey Boss, whenever you're sick and tired of being sick and tired you can stop, seek out AA and go to a meeting, heck go to lots of different ones, find the ones you like and keep going back! You don't need a hard bottom to quit, they will teach you in AA that drinking is a Progressive disease and kind of like an elevator ride, the only thing you need to chose is which floor do YOU want to get off on? I wasted a good part of my life on drinking and have paid some serious consequences, you needn't do that and can save yourself many years of pain. A lot of people attach a stigma to AA, they are wrong in doing so, AA teaches you a new way to LIVE and it works if YOU work it!! Good luck!

"The only step we have to get perfect is the first one."

John


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