My Girlfriend is in for it tonight!
 

hello this is my first post. my girlfriend is still liveing with her AH and she is expecting crude questions about our r/ship in front of her kids. What does she say to him? she is getting the strength to move out but he is finding ever more nasty things to say. her son wont even speak to his AD ignores him totally. she is ready to walk out tonight with kids if he wont shut up! help

Just curious... what is an AH, and what is an AD...?

Good luck with your situation.

Alcoholic Husband, Alcoholic Dad...I'm guessing.

Not much you can do. I just hope she can get the kids away from him without freaking the kids out. They should not see this type a BS. But we certainly are not on our best behavior when we are drunk/high.

I hope they can all get out of there safely. Can the police help?

Prayers for everyone's safety.

he went to bed without saying a word. shes only just realising that shes put up with verbal abuse for so long its heart breaking but she made a plan to get out

That is a relief to hear.
i am so glad.
Especially when kids are involved.

Hey WooblyBob. Glad you found us.

PS You are exacerbating the situation by being an outsider in marriage problem. Put yourself in the kid's place. Screwed up Mom. Screwed up Dad. Mom sleeps with Stranger when she's not with Dad. Poor kid probably can't figure out which one of you to talk to!!!

So if you're asking for help, here's my advice. You need to step aside until this lady is no longer someone's wife. Do what you can to keep the peace, but butt out. Where I come from, I could make you wish that you had had a Happy Meal instead of my Wife.

Just some friendly advice. Good luck..

Daddio raises a good point.

Hey WobblyBob. How did things go last eve for your friend girl???

she went to bed and ignored him. She has told him that he doesnt want to be woth him and he said that he doesnt want to be with her. We went on vacation together. her, me and our 4 kids. He said it wasthe best 10 days of his life without his kids and her. I am begging her to move out and get her own front door to shut but after years of emotional abuse her strength is weak. Any drunks reading this - why are you so abusive to ur partners and no one else? is it cowadice or what? I think its terror of facing up to what u are

hard to comment on that situation when we're not in it and don't know exactely what went on inside their relationship. I do have a hard time thinking she has no strength - she's obviously felt safe enough to cheat on him, and involve the children in the "triangle". And since he knows you've vacationed together - she was strong enough to let him know about it. So from what you've said - he's not the only one at fault.

and you'll have to define what a cowadice is :)

Sounds like she might be co-dependent, maybe she could get some advice (or you could for her) from the 'friends and family' forum...

Or maybe she can't decide between the two of you.

she certainly has codependant traits. she wanted to "fix" him for years. but now that he is entering the last stage of his problem she knows she has to get out. She has no problem choosing between me and him , He is an abusive inadequate man who has called her everything under the sun. Her eldest son is not confused. I take him to soccer games and have been on holiday with him he is a lovely lad and it is heartbreaking that he cannot even bring himself to look at his AH never mind speak to him. Our plan is to be together and let her exAH be left alone to shout at he walls alone and probably stagger o an early grave.

The she should leave him and when she does his abuse will stop being an issue.

stone u are spot on. its so hard making her see that she has a future. its my plan to get her and her kids to a calm safe place. And him too. I hate his abuse but i can see he is a man in so much pain. He has threatened lots of things to me but i know inside he is just a scared little man. another thing - why is it always vodka guzzled in secret? never wine or whiskey?

Maybe he just likes vodka? :)

Some people are under the false impression that you can't smell it on the breath, I suppose it is the least smelly drink.

While she has the option to walk out the door it is pointless to complain about him, you know?

yes she just wants him to leave her alone while she still living there but he wont. She has made an appointment to see her lawyer so that is the first step. I talk to her everyday and together we will get her out of this sick situation, vodka does smell ur rite btw!

Hey Wobbly. Get your foot off the gas there Bubba. Your sounding a tad self righteous. There are probably about 40,000 "drunks" reading through these posts. I hate to burst your little anger bubble there, but not all of us drunks are abusers!!! Some are and some aren't. Just as some sober folks are and some aren't. It just sounds to me that your couple of the hour just have some serious issues to resolve.

Ahhh. And there lies the perverbial rub my friend. Your not yet estranged honey may find that she just might like the guy that is Father to her children -if he was sober up for a bit. But I kinda doubt that you would like to see it go down that way. That would tend to leave you holding the bag - empty of course. Sounds to me like she has the two of you right where she wants y'all. The old burning both ends of the candle routine. If she was so hot to leave him for you, then why hasn't that happened? Just a question for you to seriously ponder.

Marital triangles will 100% of the time leave someone in the lurch. And I'm betting that you hope that doode ain't gonna be you! Well, I for one can't help you. I personally feel that extramarital affairs are against God's will and leave him in a foul mood (which is not a good thing). Let alone that what you are doing is illegal. Both of which should cause you some concern.

You have come to a site that helps fellow "drunks" get sober, stay sober and find some road to long term recovery. If you mistress's husband would like to come on here and ask for help in his sobriety efforts, I would be more than happy to oblige him.

In the mean time, have a nice day.

You pretty much took the words right out of my mouth, daddio.

Now...please wear gloves next time, okay? LOL

I tend to agree Daddio. Most of us "cowardly addicts" aren't abusing anyone but ourselves, really. And the men and women on this site are courageous enough to face down a deadly disease, alcoholism and drug addiction and recover from it. So no, I don't think we're cowards.

And I'm sorry, but I don't agree with dating someone who is still married and living in the marital home, especially where children are involved. I'd advise you to tell her not to call you until she is a free woman, has at least filed for divorce and moved out with her children. Even then, you should take your time to give the children a chance to acclimate to the situation before you try to create "instant family" or you'll see the "lovely lad" in all his mommy-protective splendor the first time you have a little spat.

kj