Jules62

Ah-at the risk of offending possibly everyone here-this is the sober recovery forum-not the marital advice/'I have moral standards you're not living up to' forum.

While I have my own personal opinions on affairs etc-I don't think this is the place to vent/expound them.And I won't.We're here for recovery from an addiction.Not to moralise.

Wobbly-your username is apt.I wouldn't want to be where you are right now.All I can say to you is-focus on your own recovery/life-and leave her to hers.

I understand caring about her-or even loving her-but if there's one thing I've learnt this past year?It's that I simply cannot save another human being from themselves.They have to walk their own path.All I can do is reflect on who I am-who I was-what I want to become-and be the best person I can be no matter what life presents me.That's all.We lead by example-not by what we think or say.It's all about what we do.Love in action.

Enough talk.

I wish you the best

Julesxox

Dee74

sometimes you think all day about a carefully worded reply...and someone ups and does it for you....better.

Spot on Jules.
D

miss communicat

although this is not a marital advice forum, and it IS in fact a place to share experience, strength, and hope with recovery issues related to alcoholism, addiction and codependency, the issues of stress, dysfunction and domestic strife are very prevalent in the disease of addiction.

what one person views as moralising may very well be the words to guide another out of turmoil who may find him or herself drawn into a similar situation.

that is the beauty of this forum. cross pollination.

if I see something I feel disdain for, such as moralising, I don't take it to heart. If I see something as wise, I do.

The OP is in a triangulated situation that may best be addressed in our Friends and Family or relationships forum, but it does not make it any less welcome here. We can learn much from those points of view we abhor as well as those we agree with.

tommyk

I personally feel that everything being discussed here is very appropriate (my opinion).

I am completely fine with anyone who feels differently, agree to disagee is what makes my world go around.

We can each learn by watching the actions of others, and reading their posts. I am learning, and being reminded of, a few things in reading this thread. It could easily be about me.

Such a tangled, twisted web we can weave.

WobblyBob

I think that it is perhaps unfair of me to give you guys a small part of what is a longer story, however with my g/fs AH there are some truths that you may identify with. She has spent years trying to stop his drinking and it has been all for naught. He truly is helpless in the face of drink. She must get out and she is taking steps to do that with my love and support. He is a frightened man and lashes out againstevery one (including his son- who cannot even look at him)As for morals and god: if a marriage has totally broken down and there is nothing to save - whats the point of staggering on?. She has told him straight and he puts his head in the sand and pretends its not happening. Except when hes drunk and the little god comes out - which is destructive and abusive. She will leave and we will be together and there will be a loving, warm happy home where respect and dignity will be the order of the day. the ex AH will be in a very sad place probably. It is tragic but it is not her job or anyone elses to save him.
As for god and all that - well in the uk no one really believes in that jesus fairy story anymore and the few that do are given a wide berth. if you think about the myths in the bible rationally for even five minutes you can see that it is nonsense. Ask any six year old child about angels and stars and wise men and they look at you as if your slightly insane. I told my kids that they are within their rights to believe in any religion they choose. I also told them that i am within my rights to royally take the **** out of it. Thats the brits for you!

SoBearish

Hello Wobbly

Question: Do you care if this man gets himself sober or not?

Klynn33

I hope the husband finds help. Sad the situation that is going on right now. Since the marriage is already over hopefully one will decide to get out of the current situation. Can't be easy to know your wife is "with" someone else, and since she has let him know about it I hope she leaves and gives him the chance to work on healing himself and getting on with his life.

tommyk

"She will leave and we will be together and there will be a loving, warm happy home where respect and dignity will be the order of the day."

You two will walk hand in hand toward the sunset.

So... what's the problem?

Is someone asking for help here?

(I mean, it's a good story all-in-all, I can relate to a lot of it, but I might be missing the point.)

FizzyWater

Just a question Wobbly, what you hoping to get from this ?

If I've read all this right you don't have a drink problem or your partner doesn't, its your partners husband that does and he she's still with him.

While I hope the whole situation works out for the best for everyone I don't think there will be any winners and I'm not sure anyone on here can give you the answers.

Last time I looked us "here in the UK " still respected peoples beliefs as well and I would suggest that is your opinion rather than " thats the brits for you ! "

miss communicat

Dear WobblyBob,

we do care about all of our members. please acquaint yourself with the SR forum posting policies and guidelines. It is against the rules to make derogatory comments regarding anothers' faith or religious beliefs.



How can we help you?

DSodaNow

Well... in my eyes it doesn't seem that the decision is all that cut and dry for her. Otherwise, she would not be there right now. It is really pretty easy to physically walk-out. The emotional part is what is the hardest. Seems to me she is still struggling with that.

I also agree that this is a subject appropriate to posting. However, I would be cautious against accusations and generalizations of alcoholics.

1. We tend to be a supportative groups of "alcoholics" in this forum. Meaning that most of us are trying to be better people and recover from this disease.

2. Daddio hit on the head. I can assure you that not all alcoholics are the horrible people that you have described us to be. Unfortunately, in the grips of the disease some are and that is why you "normal" people have the choice to pick up and leave.

3. You are only supporting your girlfriend's codependency by staying in the picture. This is something that she needs to do on her OWN. And if she does it on her own and stays strong in her decision there isn't likely to be as many regrets and what ifs down the road. My suggestion is to back off.

So to sum it up. I think that this is the place to discuss this, but overall I agree with Daddio and others on this and when I read your posts the first thing that pops into my head is :wtf2 this guy in an

Best of luck and I will pray for your girlfriend.

stone

If she has decided to leave him and be with you Bob, that is fair enough, it happens...married or not.

My point is, why hasn't she? Maybe she has co-dependency issues or maybe she can't decide what do/is playing the two of you off each other.

While she is there and staying there it is pointless to criticise the AH, unless he is threatening her safety or something.