Tazman53

FD you are handling her well, do not stoop to her level. Accept her for what she is, no purpose is served by you lashing back, nor is there any real reason to let her worry you.

Others see her for what she is, she is digging her own hole, when she falls in it, reach out with kindness and help her out.

Resentments are not a good thing, they are kind of like us taking poison and hoping it will kill the other person. Just maintain the high ground, be thankful you are not like her and pray for her.

fallingdown

"So I guess you actualy have the upper hand."

I would so much rather just be on neutral ground you know? I mean she has qualities that I wish I had, she's always dressed to the 9's, works out almost every day of the week, keeps the house immaculate, etc. etc...whereas I am pretty much a slob, but I think she's always resented that I could care less about material things or playing games with people, she is somehow very threatened by that. And that I'm close with my parents, her and her mother have a very volatile relationship and speak to each other in ways that would make me wish for my mouth the be sewn shut if I ever said such things to my momma.

I actually thought last night about contacting this most recent person myself and explaining to her (she was a friend not a boyfriend) that my SIL is by no means contacting her at my urging. But I have decided that by contacting this ex friend of mine and trying to explain my sister in law, I am trying to control the situation way too much. I just pray that hearing from my SIL after all these years does not cause this girl any disruption in her life. It was actually my choice to end the friendship many years ago because she had been dating a guy I had dated for many years and they hid the relationship from me. I found out and blew up and that was that. They are now married and I pray that their lives are blessed and that she can kind of see through my SIL's motives, they were NEVER friends, they didn't even like each other way back then. GAHH it's all so complicated. lol.

fallingdown

"Resentments are not a good thing, they are kind of like us taking poison and hoping it will kill the other person."

I couldn't agree with you more Taz. Thank you. Resentment seems to contribute to relapses so I am trying to learn to avoid it.

fallingdown

Hi Bob! Stick around will ya? I dont' think there is any such thing as a worry free life, but there are ways to live much more at peace and you can learn about many of them right here.

22NGONE

Falling Down,

Hey your Sister-in-law sounds PSYCHO. Who does such things? And your Brother allows this? I wouldn't ever go there unless it couldn't be avoided and then I would only make a token appearance. If my Brother asked me what's up? I'd tell him what you posted here.

Happily Alcoholically Yours,

John

fallingdown

Hi John! I think my little brother has little idea of a lot of what she is up to. He works a night job AND a day job. He literally works about 16-18 hours a day most days. I talk to him (by phone) much more often than I talk to her and I never even broach the fact that she is stirring up trouble, because then all hell will really break loose. I totally agree with what you said about avoiding going there or just making a token appearance, she will not tell me most the time when an ex friend or boyfriend will show up so I have to do some recon work so I can be prepared. She knows if I don't show up I won't get to see my nephew so it kind of works in her favor either way. Yes it is incredibly twisted and just typing this makes me incredibly sad.

SoBearish

How weird!! Can you imagine the phone call?


(Phone ringing)

“Hello.”

“Hi remember me? I’m Fallingdown’s sister in law.”

“Uhhh…. yeah sure… how are you?”

“Fine. Listen; remember when you were dating that guy that my sister in law used to date?”

“Uhhh yeah… we’re married now. What about it?”

“Nothing. I just thought I’d bring it up.”


Seriously FD I’m sorry she is causing you grief. But as I always say to my Wife. “You can’t argue with crazy people”

barb dwyer

Hi, FD -

just two more cents.

Nobody makes us drink.
We're alchoholiccs - we drink.

Anybody who USES that ... a knowledge of our alcoholism and then manipulates our sobriety ...
for their own self importance ...
is simply lower than wale poop.

Nothing can be done about them and their .. sickness.

The only sickness we have any choice over, any control over ...

is our own.

Now, this whole party thing.

Whose birthday is it?
And who is going to be harmed by your going?
to the party, I mean.
And what does any of this have to do with this moment.
the one right now?

Anticipation of death is worse than death itself.

or something like that.

Pre-playing scenarios does no one any good.

We're alcoholics -
when we're in the disease -
we're almost always wrong anyhow.
So anticipating anything for an alcoholic
is a waste of time and life force.

That's why, in the program of alcoholics anonymous...
we clear the wreckage of the past.
This is exactly what they're talking about.
So that no one else has the power to make us so unstable that we will resort to drinking.
Ever again.

I think you give a lot of power to this person.
You are, therefore, not running your life.
She is.

It's up to you to not allow that.

You are not your past.
You are not a bad person trying to be good.
She's playing on that right now.

When yoiu learn that one simple truth... for real...
this will havef no power over you any more.

you are not a 'bad' person trying to be 'good'.
you are a sick person trying to get well.

anyone who plays on that to make themselves gratified...
is sicker than the person they're manipulating.

just two more cents.

barb dwyer

in other words -

she is a doo doo head bully

and you have every right to be at the party.

fallingdown

Wow BD, you are amazing. Thank you for weighing in here. I have gained some perspective over this the past couple days and I agree with you completely. I HAVE given her too much power, and pre-playing scenarios in my mind is wearing me out. I need to distance myself from all of it and pray to my higher power to not let this get the best of me. The situation is so ridiculous that all I can really do is laugh about it right now. SoBearish your post really cracked me up, I suspect that's not too far from the truth about how this went down. Thank you guys for your two cents, it's worth a lot more than that to me.

Much love
fallin