Active08

Hi guys, I am a newbie. I feel so down and depressed and hate myself. I'm so sick of being a failure. It was going to be now my 5th week without a drink but I relapsed yesterday. I hate making a fool at of myself. I hate hurting the people I love. I wish I could just lie down now and die!!!

Aa_vark

welcome

GOOD FOR YOU for reaching out for others support.

YOU CAN SURVIVE THIS, and learn from this relapse and recover from this aweful disease.

keep reaching out, and seek the support of others who have had help being lifted up from our own bottom to find recovery.

Be well,

Aaron

gravity

You are exactly where I was last December. There are all kinds of resources available to help you live a happy, sober life (for me, it has been mainly AA, SR, family support). You don't have to do this alone. Keep reaching out.

SilentEyes

everyone slips up sometimes that doesnt mean you cant be proud of yourself for how far you did get.i haven't even been able to get one day in. i admire the courage it must have took for you to get that far i say job well done I believe it's in you to be successful at doing this just don't give up

Rowan

Welcome to our recovery community - you have found a wonderful place! We do understand what it's like to struggle through those first hours, days and weeks. You can start over right now. I have relapsed before myself, and I understand how awful it feels. It doesn't have to be a permanent problem unless you allow it to be.
Keep reaching out and stick around

CarolD

I am very glad you shared with us....

You are not a failure!

You had...just as many of us have had...a falsse start.
Please use that sober time as a base for your new life.

Welcome to our recovery community...

Toomutch

Active-
Welcome to our recovery forum Keep posting, there are alot of wonderful people here, that will listen.

BTW- you are not a failure.

Horselover

Come back and try, try again. We know you can do it. Its not easy, but it can be done.

Anna

Hey Active,

Welcome!

You are not a loser as long as you continue to focus on recovery.

I tried so many times to stop. I thought I'd never get it right. It's hard, but you can do it.

ultimatum

Hi Active!

Remember, you only fail if after you fall you don't get back up! You can do it, and there is such strong support on the site!

Active08

Thank you all so much for your beautiful and uplifting posts. I am totally overwhelmed by the beautiful people on this site!!

BigB4Sobriety78

Hey it's ok. I relapsed probably 100 times before I hit bottom. Some people have to hit the wall a few times before they realize it's there if you know what I mean ( I had to crash through it sadly). When we fall we need to get back up dust our selves off and get back on track. The worst thing you can do is beat yourself up because that is a path to another relapse. Just pray to your higher power if you have one and give it all to him and relax.

Hevyn

What everyone has said is so true, Active! I am only just now getting it right - after decades of drinking I finally have 5 mos. I just couldn't give up the idea of controlled drinking. In the end I felt my life was threatened and I'd die if I didn't give it up. You never have to feel like this again - you've proven you can get through 5 weeks, that's huge! Don't waste any more precious time with regret over what happened. Get back on the path and proceed! We'll be with you all the way.

least

You're not a loser, just having a big problem staying sober. We've all relapsed more times than we'd like to remember but staying focused on recovery is the important thing. I too am ashamed of my constant relapses but am still trying to get and stay sober one day at a time. So just for today, don't drink. Just for today.

:ghug3

22NGONE

Active,

Relapse, shmelapse, it happens... Obviously your sobriety plan was flawed in some manner, analyze it, fix it and move on!!

John

Tazman53

Active hold your head high, you stayed sober for 5 weeks, my last 5 years I did not draw a sober breath until I was medically detoxed.

My experience has been that stopping drinking before I became a full blown alcoholic was the easy part..... the hard part was staying sober!!!!

When I came out of detox I was at the point where I was willing to do anything to stay sober, in detox they told me to go to AA and get a sponsor, well I did that, I followed suggestions, went to meetings, and worked the steps, I continue to live the steps, go to meetings (Not as many as I used to) and help other alcoholics get and stay sober.

Are you willing to do what ever it takes to stay stopped? If you are sit down and honestly figure out what you were doing right to stay sober those 5 weeks and keep doing those things. Then honestly figure out what led you to drink again and stop doing that.

Next thing is to do something else you were not willing to do before to stay sober.

That for me was hard as heck, but it turned out that the things I did not really want to do to stay sober were in the end the very things that helped me the most in staying sober. In order to stay sober I had to drop all of the "I am not willing to do that"

four812

hi active...I definitely relate to your relapse and to the above words that you wrote. for me, I drank because of feelings like the ones you mention above. fear of making a fool of myself. and then after using....I hate/hated feeling the hurt that i brought to the people i loved....

and on wanting to die...I've spent a major portion of my life feeling like that.

so there are other's who are experience similar things as you are. this can be a comfort because it makes one less alone.

it's discouraging and frustrating to relapse. but you CAN get back to staying clean if you want to.

go for it if you want, try sobriety. try changing your life if you want, if you are tired of what you have came to be

keep up the good work

SoBearish

Wow 5 weeks!! That's awsome. And so much more important than your moment of weakness.

Good job on coming here and opening up.

jodyjody

Hey there. Active. I'm so glad you found this site. You will get so much support.

A while ago I read a post about someone's sponsor that had many years sober and got into an auto accident and ended up back where he started. He picked himself back up and went to a meeting and got his 24 hour chip. Of course, the original post was much more poignant and detailed but it was a touching story. (So if anyone of you reading this wrote the original post it would be great if you could bump it up for Active).

Pick yourself back up. Forgive yourself. And start today. We're all behind you.

19years

Active08 your not a failure.

I've been trying for 19 years and I am back at the begining again. 3 days now.

I have had 6935 days since my first AA meeting and say 35 days drinking. To be honest it could be 135 days.

Either way thats at least 6800 no drinking days.