seriously seeking guidance
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 357
seriously seeking guidance
Hello All. I'm new here.
I'm sure that this issue comes up frequently, but here goes....
I have, unfortunately, relapsed (here are the violins playing). I have done many different programs in the past and am very holistic in lifestyle and habit (except for the beer and wine).
I have backed myself into quite a corner this time and have very little money, no steady job and no family members left as support. I am also more frightened about secondary health issues than ever before and am worried about the severity of this detox.
I have found that 12-step programs are like many other social situations for me: anxiety provoking and not at all supportive to my way of thinking and living. I have tried the Western approach to anxiety meds and just found things getting worse (plus you have to eventually detox from those as well!).
Given that I do not have health insurance, spare funds or family members to lean on, what is left to do? I'm scared of Western meds and state funded hospitals, but I don't have a trust fund anywhere that I can dig into for private support. Any advice, suggestions? Any holistic-minded folk out there with detox suggestions?
Thanks!
I'm sure that this issue comes up frequently, but here goes....
I have, unfortunately, relapsed (here are the violins playing). I have done many different programs in the past and am very holistic in lifestyle and habit (except for the beer and wine).
I have backed myself into quite a corner this time and have very little money, no steady job and no family members left as support. I am also more frightened about secondary health issues than ever before and am worried about the severity of this detox.
I have found that 12-step programs are like many other social situations for me: anxiety provoking and not at all supportive to my way of thinking and living. I have tried the Western approach to anxiety meds and just found things getting worse (plus you have to eventually detox from those as well!).
Given that I do not have health insurance, spare funds or family members to lean on, what is left to do? I'm scared of Western meds and state funded hospitals, but I don't have a trust fund anywhere that I can dig into for private support. Any advice, suggestions? Any holistic-minded folk out there with detox suggestions?
Thanks!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
...Welcome to our recovery community.I do know many alcoholics who used the free
Salvation Army for their initial de tox ...3 to 5 days.
I don't personally know of their method
perhaps others will have more information for you.
We do have a thread with our experiences on de toxing.
Do note not one of us had the exact same story.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Glad you found us...do keep checking back for more replies.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
"I have found that 12-step programs are like many other social situations for me: anxiety provoking and not at all supportive to my way of thinking and living."
Welcome to the forum Soos.
Where has your 'way of thinking and living' gotten you? Maybe it is time to look at Steps 1,2,3 again and see if you might be able to make some changes.
I have found that being clean & sober is a lifestyle. With no real room left for my former thinking & living lifestyle.
Best wishes!
Welcome to the forum Soos.
Where has your 'way of thinking and living' gotten you? Maybe it is time to look at Steps 1,2,3 again and see if you might be able to make some changes.
I have found that being clean & sober is a lifestyle. With no real room left for my former thinking & living lifestyle.
Best wishes!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I really agree with the recommendatin to involve your doctor. As for support from AA...I have found the 12 steps will work to support my way of thinking and my life life choices.....not all of the people in AA will support it, but enough to be of help and the 12 steps for sure.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
on great holistic thing to do is 'meditation'.
at least twice a day for 20 or more minutes. sitting in a chair or on the floor and not moving and focusing only on the breath and when thoughts come into the brain simply noticing them and then gently moving the attentioni back to the breath.
or walking....walking helped me get sober in 1992.
or even washing the dishes....but not to get them done in a hurry and marked off of the inner to-do list. but doing them slowly, mindfully. watching your hand move across the dishes. watching the water and it's every persistant move downward. watching the dishes stacking up. watching your breath as all this is happening. tasting the air too at the same time. and noticing the thoughts that come up in your brain, and again, gently turning the attention back to the dishes
at least twice a day for 20 or more minutes. sitting in a chair or on the floor and not moving and focusing only on the breath and when thoughts come into the brain simply noticing them and then gently moving the attentioni back to the breath.
or walking....walking helped me get sober in 1992.
or even washing the dishes....but not to get them done in a hurry and marked off of the inner to-do list. but doing them slowly, mindfully. watching your hand move across the dishes. watching the water and it's every persistant move downward. watching the dishes stacking up. watching your breath as all this is happening. tasting the air too at the same time. and noticing the thoughts that come up in your brain, and again, gently turning the attention back to the dishes
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 357
Thanks for the advice all. Just to clarify, I have done many, many AA groups in 4 different states looking for the "right" group. I have yet to find it. I was drawn to the steps themselves because I enjoy the process of growth and self-development, especially when it impacts the lives of others. By saying that AA doesn't work for me...well, it just doesn't, and not for lack of trying.
I started drinking to cover up my social discomforts. I do not do well in groups, or with small talk. I do not agree with the many dogmas and judgments that pass as AA style support. I got tired of standing around outside meetings hoping someone would talk to me a little more than saying "welcome". Or, when I would get brave enough to walk into a group, I would pray that someone would let me in, just a little. Instead, I seemed to say the wrong thing (I've repeatedly been told that I am too intense, too real, too sensitive). I often left meetings feeling incredibly lonely and isolated---and like I wanted a drink. That is why I am looking for another way to be around supportive people---preferably in small groups.
Meditation is a great option when I can do it. As long as the anxiety is not too great....
Thanks again all. I do appreciate the support.
I started drinking to cover up my social discomforts. I do not do well in groups, or with small talk. I do not agree with the many dogmas and judgments that pass as AA style support. I got tired of standing around outside meetings hoping someone would talk to me a little more than saying "welcome". Or, when I would get brave enough to walk into a group, I would pray that someone would let me in, just a little. Instead, I seemed to say the wrong thing (I've repeatedly been told that I am too intense, too real, too sensitive). I often left meetings feeling incredibly lonely and isolated---and like I wanted a drink. That is why I am looking for another way to be around supportive people---preferably in small groups.
Meditation is a great option when I can do it. As long as the anxiety is not too great....
Thanks again all. I do appreciate the support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 357
P.S. Unfortunately, I do not have a doctor nor do I have insurance. I have checked out so-called "free clinics", but I have to weed through some red tape in order to be seen. Like the chicken and the egg syndrome, I'm just too debilitated to manage it all right now.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: IL
Posts: 5
Welcome Soosie - I'm not big on the medication either and suffer from depression and anxiety. I hate the small talk and suck at speaking in front of groups. I sweat and say the dumbest things sometimes. I've also been to that debilitated point where just can't function. It could be as simple as making a phone call and I can't do it. Just the thought of doing it makes me nervous and want a drink.
I currently try to deal with it by focusing only on one thing at a time then take a break if need be. When I was really drinking, I broke out of the rut by sleeping. Even when I felt like I needed a drink to sleep, I would try to sleep, and I would listen to music or a book on tape using headphones. This seemed to make me feel protected. Then after a while I would try to do one thing like take a shower or eat something.
When trying to deal with the red tape, do you have a friend that could come along and help you? Those types of situations really can seem impossible to do on your own at times.
I currently try to deal with it by focusing only on one thing at a time then take a break if need be. When I was really drinking, I broke out of the rut by sleeping. Even when I felt like I needed a drink to sleep, I would try to sleep, and I would listen to music or a book on tape using headphones. This seemed to make me feel protected. Then after a while I would try to do one thing like take a shower or eat something.
When trying to deal with the red tape, do you have a friend that could come along and help you? Those types of situations really can seem impossible to do on your own at times.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
The rational recovery program online has helped me a lot in the past and although I need something different going forward, I know a few people who are long term sober from their free online programme. I'm new to AA and I suffer from anxiety. fortunately I live in an arty, alternative community and there isn't much God of the Judeo-Christian kind to be found at the meetings I've attended - there are all kinds of pagans, buddhists, taoists etc. We are a very new age lot by the looks of it. There are also a high number of GLT folk too.
At the last meeting I went to a lovely older tranny was celebrating one year of sobriety. Her Higher Power was most definitely NOT some big daddy up in the sky. I was fortunate that a few people did say more than hi and I was able to push my self out of my comfort zone enough to say hi back. Maybe go to a bigger meeting somewhere and speak to the person leaidng the meeting and ask them if there is a meeting more alighned to your belief system. There are probably 10 meetings I could go to on any given night and undoubtedly some of them would be more like minded with me than others.
I was horrified to hear that some meetings in the US have people saying the Lord's Prayer. So exclusive of other religions and spiritual beliefs.
At the last meeting I went to a lovely older tranny was celebrating one year of sobriety. Her Higher Power was most definitely NOT some big daddy up in the sky. I was fortunate that a few people did say more than hi and I was able to push my self out of my comfort zone enough to say hi back. Maybe go to a bigger meeting somewhere and speak to the person leaidng the meeting and ask them if there is a meeting more alighned to your belief system. There are probably 10 meetings I could go to on any given night and undoubtedly some of them would be more like minded with me than others.
I was horrified to hear that some meetings in the US have people saying the Lord's Prayer. So exclusive of other religions and spiritual beliefs.
Last edited by Anna; 06-24-2008 at 06:09 AM.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR SoozieQ, I stay sober using AA, so that is where my experience and hope come from, as far as AA maybe you could try calling your local AA hotline and ask about small meetings that may be more to your liking.
If you feel you may need detox as others have said please find a doctor, the Salvation Army should be able to help on that account.
Check out other programs as well, AA is not the only recovery program out there and there are other 12 step programs that are not AA to check out as well.
Keep on trying what ever you can, I wish I had some other experience in other programs to share, but I don't. There is a program called WFS (Women For Sobriety) you may want to check out.
If you feel you may need detox as others have said please find a doctor, the Salvation Army should be able to help on that account.
Check out other programs as well, AA is not the only recovery program out there and there are other 12 step programs that are not AA to check out as well.
Keep on trying what ever you can, I wish I had some other experience in other programs to share, but I don't. There is a program called WFS (Women For Sobriety) you may want to check out.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
Welcome Soozie! There are a myriad of ways to get and stay sober...they all start with the desire...which you have. If aa is not for you, that is ok, you are not alone....some would say you are in the majority. The internet has exploded in the last few years with alternatives to f2f meetings. Try SMART or any of the other sites you find when searching the internet. You are not alone and do not have to cause yourself more anxiety trying to do what is not to your liking.
Wishing you the greatest success.
Wishing you the greatest success.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome Soozie,
I find coming here and helping others keeps me sober, as well as finally grasping the mental nettle and admitting I cannot drink anymore ever
I have a certain admiration for the 12 step ideal, and I try to be the best me I can be, but I've never done AA or indeed any other kind of programme, so anythings possible LOL.
I have my programme, and it works for for me.
Hope you find yours
stick around
good luck
D
I find coming here and helping others keeps me sober, as well as finally grasping the mental nettle and admitting I cannot drink anymore ever
I have a certain admiration for the 12 step ideal, and I try to be the best me I can be, but I've never done AA or indeed any other kind of programme, so anythings possible LOL.
I have my programme, and it works for for me.
Hope you find yours
stick around
good luck
D
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
SoozieQ focus on the positives, seek out the positives of life, including positive people and it will lead you to positive results.
Negative things and people lead to negative things.
Think about it, do you seek to become a negative person who finds joy in negativity or a person who is positive and finds joy in positivity?
If we wish a positive life for our selfs do we follow the examples set by people with a negative message or those who have a positive message?
Find a positive path for yourself and follow it.
Negative things and people lead to negative things.
Think about it, do you seek to become a negative person who finds joy in negativity or a person who is positive and finds joy in positivity?
If we wish a positive life for our selfs do we follow the examples set by people with a negative message or those who have a positive message?
Find a positive path for yourself and follow it.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
SoozieQ,
I am going to speak up here and I hope you will not take offense. I don't imagine I can be of any real help if I don't speak bluntly. And you did mention you have a reputation for being intense and real. So hopefully, you won't mind me speaking from my heart.
First of all, good job for trying to get and stay sober. Recovery is hard, we all know this intimately. And you deserve credit for the work you are doing.
In my mind, holistic means a positive embrace of trying to heal all parts of you - your body, mind and spirit.
If that is what you mean when you say "holistic," you might want to know that one thing I read in your post is a whole lot of negativity. You are adament about what doesn't and can't work for you. You tell us all the things that you've already done and all the things you can't do.
In my experience, my treatment, my therapies and my program all work only if I have a humble, open, willing spirit.
In order to get sober, I had to learn to let go of my expectations and my wants-wants-wants and open up to what was being offered to me. Not every single word in every single meeting feels like it is for me. But that's why they say take what you can use and leave the rest. It's not personal. If someone says something to you that you don't like or if someone else's God is different from your, who cares? That was about them, not you.
You say: "I have backed myself into quite a corner this time and have very little money, no steady job and no family members left as support. I am also more frightened about secondary health issues than ever before and am worried about the severity of this detox." Okay then. So this is where you accept the help that is available and that is in front of you.
I don't know what is in front of you but if you look around, what do you see in the world you live in that is designed to help an alcoholic become sober and heal? When you sit still and think and meditate about it, what comes up as the next right thing? Even if it's not exactly what you would want for yourself right now - it's the wrong kind of people, it's too far away, it's not holistic enough, you've tried it already, etc...
Even if it scares you, go toward that. Your fear isn't your truest deepest self. It's just fear and it won't hurt you, really. It feels like it will but it won't. And whether what comes to you is a Rational Recovery program or AA or books in your library, you must go about it with openness and willingness.
Don't go into it with a memory of what didn't work in the past and how others haven't helped you in the past. You must go about it with the mindset that you are helping yourself. They are not there to help you in the way that you think they should. The world is much bigger than that. From a holistic approach, you are more than just your body trying to heal. You are a small part of a much bigger world trying to heal. Try to accept and embrace and participate fully in whatever course of action you take. Try to let go of the voice in you that says, this didn't work, that didn't work, I can't do this or that, I am stuck.
One more note: I've found some very good books in my book store that have helped me. One is called "A Place Called Self: Women, Sobriety, and Radical Transformation" By Stephanie Brown. It has a workbook that goes with it. See if it appeals to you - it's really helped me.
I wish you all the strength and healing in the world. You can do this. And I'm glad you're here at SR!
I am going to speak up here and I hope you will not take offense. I don't imagine I can be of any real help if I don't speak bluntly. And you did mention you have a reputation for being intense and real. So hopefully, you won't mind me speaking from my heart.
First of all, good job for trying to get and stay sober. Recovery is hard, we all know this intimately. And you deserve credit for the work you are doing.
In my mind, holistic means a positive embrace of trying to heal all parts of you - your body, mind and spirit.
If that is what you mean when you say "holistic," you might want to know that one thing I read in your post is a whole lot of negativity. You are adament about what doesn't and can't work for you. You tell us all the things that you've already done and all the things you can't do.
In my experience, my treatment, my therapies and my program all work only if I have a humble, open, willing spirit.
In order to get sober, I had to learn to let go of my expectations and my wants-wants-wants and open up to what was being offered to me. Not every single word in every single meeting feels like it is for me. But that's why they say take what you can use and leave the rest. It's not personal. If someone says something to you that you don't like or if someone else's God is different from your, who cares? That was about them, not you.
You say: "I have backed myself into quite a corner this time and have very little money, no steady job and no family members left as support. I am also more frightened about secondary health issues than ever before and am worried about the severity of this detox." Okay then. So this is where you accept the help that is available and that is in front of you.
I don't know what is in front of you but if you look around, what do you see in the world you live in that is designed to help an alcoholic become sober and heal? When you sit still and think and meditate about it, what comes up as the next right thing? Even if it's not exactly what you would want for yourself right now - it's the wrong kind of people, it's too far away, it's not holistic enough, you've tried it already, etc...
Even if it scares you, go toward that. Your fear isn't your truest deepest self. It's just fear and it won't hurt you, really. It feels like it will but it won't. And whether what comes to you is a Rational Recovery program or AA or books in your library, you must go about it with openness and willingness.
Don't go into it with a memory of what didn't work in the past and how others haven't helped you in the past. You must go about it with the mindset that you are helping yourself. They are not there to help you in the way that you think they should. The world is much bigger than that. From a holistic approach, you are more than just your body trying to heal. You are a small part of a much bigger world trying to heal. Try to accept and embrace and participate fully in whatever course of action you take. Try to let go of the voice in you that says, this didn't work, that didn't work, I can't do this or that, I am stuck.
One more note: I've found some very good books in my book store that have helped me. One is called "A Place Called Self: Women, Sobriety, and Radical Transformation" By Stephanie Brown. It has a workbook that goes with it. See if it appeals to you - it's really helped me.
I wish you all the strength and healing in the world. You can do this. And I'm glad you're here at SR!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 357
Well, I just spent a very long time responding to your emails, only to find that my computer "timed-out"; when I had to log back in, my response was lost in cyber-land.
Such an interesting process. Even though my message didn't get posted, I worked through a lot of defensiveness just in the writing.
Thanks for keeping me true and honest.
I am sincerely seeking support here, so please know that it is not all about what doesn't work. I am just learning to define my boundaries and declare my honesty. Sorry if it came across as excessively negative.
Such an interesting process. Even though my message didn't get posted, I worked through a lot of defensiveness just in the writing.
Thanks for keeping me true and honest.
I am sincerely seeking support here, so please know that it is not all about what doesn't work. I am just learning to define my boundaries and declare my honesty. Sorry if it came across as excessively negative.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
You don't need to be sorry for anything at all, Soosie. I'm glad you are here and I'm glad you are seeking ways that work for you to get and stay sober. I believe your sincerity completely. I think most of the time we are not even aware of coming from a negative place, when we do it. And we all do get caught in that at different times, I'm pretty sure.
Be gentle with yourself.
Be gentle with yourself.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
