ImmerAllein

I'm in a wedding this weekend for a very dear friend of mine who has been with me through everything that I've gone through in life. Her family was like a second family to me, and never wished me anything but the best. Well, this damn wedding has me so nervous that I've been drinking alot this week. I was doing good too, but I relapsed hard. The wedding is in my hometown and there will be lots of people there; lots of people who knew me as I was (drunk) and not what I'm trying to become (sober). Of course alcohol is a big part of this event. The festivities were supposed to start yesterday and continue up until Sat evening. I managed to delay my arrival until Fri night, but I'm just not sure how to handle the situation. No one knows that I'm an alcoholic, ie they may know that when I was in college I liked to party, but never realized how bad it got after college up to now. So, I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to deal with this. Friday night I have the rehearsal dinner. I figure that I will just order tea/water with my meal and that one won't be so hard because I can excuse myself after dinner. Sat is going to be the tough one. Like I said I'm in the wedding party, and after the wedding, we're all supposed to get in a limo and stop by a bar on the way to the reception. Now, I'm sure that there will be alcohol in the limo as well. The thought of that car ride makes me so anxious that I feel downright sick. Then the reception is started with a cocktail hour, dinner and dance, all of which feature an open bar. I'm going to the event by myself, and know that I am going to be faced with alot of old demons and will be pressured into drinking. God help me, I can't. I have a really bad feeling that if I do, something horrible's going to happen, and I guess that's why I've been drinking this week because I can't even cope with the thought of it. So, anybody out there have any suggestions as to how I can handle this? I really want to see my friend get married and am ecstatic that I get to take part in it as well. But, I really just want to go home after the wedding. If I do that, she'll be upset and I really don't want to tell her on her wedding day that I'm an alcoholic. So if anybody has any thoughts or maybe managed to do something similar, I'd love to here it. I have a hard time asking for help, but please pray for me. For some reason this one has me pretty scared.

Anna

Hi,

I couldn't be around alcohol for a long time when I first stopped drinking. I tried and it was a disaster, so I stayed away from everything involving alcohol. I had to because I wanted to stay sober. If I were you and I wanted to stay sober, I wouldn't go.

If you choose to go, try to remember there is no obligation to drink, simply because there is alcohol in the limo or whatever. You can choose to not drink alcohol and to drink something else. Stick with someone else you know who won't be drinking, go home early, have a phone handy to call someone if you are feeling like having a drink.

There is nothing worth losing your sobriety over.

CarolD

Hmm...as you are drinking this week
and the wedding is this week...
.When exactly are you planning to quit?

I'm confused here...

SoBearish

Hi Immer

I've managed the sober wedding and it's really fine. Mine was full of NYC Irish cops so you can imagine the drinking.

I just had seltzers with a slice of lime all night and nobody even noticed. I raised the champagne glass for the toasts but I didn't sip.

If you truly don't want to drink that night just resolve yourself and stop thinking about it.

(I also enjoyed the food instead of just wolfing it down to soak up the booze I'd consumed already)

ImmerAllein

CarolD - good point. I had 16 days up until Sunday night. I'm not really sure why, but I decided to go grab some beer. Not a wise move. That pattern lasted until last night. I am new to this whole sobriety thing and just keep telling myself that just because I failed once, doesn't mean I have to continue to be a failure. Right now I'm trying to re-examine myself and really find out what's inside of me. As I've been thinking about this this afternoon, I think I've come to realize that I haven't been anxious about this stupid wedding, but rather my newness to sobriety.

SoBearish - Thanks for letting me know you were able to pull it off. I just have to resolve not to drink. It's not like anyone is going to force alcohol down my throat. It's my choice and I just have to stick to it. Yeah, it will be nice to actually taste the food for once.

I think that I just have to let go of a lot of crap and maybe this will be a good opportunity to. I think I'm just going to plan on leaving early. And, if anybody asks, I'm just going to tell them I don't drink anymore. Nothing wrong with that. I guess this is just a test of my commitment to my sobriety. I can either use this as an excuse to keep screwing up or finally start making the right decisions. Anyway, thanks for listening in my moment of panic.

SoBearish

That's the spirit Immer!!!

four812

this may be very difficult come wedding night.

could you ask your closest(s) member of the wedding party if they would be willing to take you under their wing and in addition to the events of the night, kind've stay with and support you in not drinking?

just a thought

wishing you strength and the vision to stay sober, even if your very own butt falls off

David 1

Man, I wish resolve actually worked! We (alcoholics) usually don't get serious about quitting until we hit bottom. And even then, we find out we can't quit on our own.

I am sure it is an emotional time - That may be what has you scared, but when you really are serious about quitting, I would recommend getting all the professional (medical/counseling) help as well as checking out AA options that you can find.

I am sorry if this sounds a little harsh, but I have been there!

I reread your post a few times and you already know what you should do!

That is, be there for your friend at the wedding ceremony and skip the alcohol-related festivities.

I only wish I could help more but all I have is a little advice!!

Dave

resentful wife

Your friend may be concerned about your drinking at the wedding to.But what a gift you can give her by staying sober, and it will show your home town that your not the person they thought you were. Later you'll be able to share her memories with clarity. Have a good time and good luck.
Linda

ImmerAllein

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for their thoughts. Right now, its 8:45 and I just returned home from the wedding and I didn't drink. I am so happy to say those words. I DID NOT DRINK. At the rehearsal dinner, I just stuck to club soda and lime and gave my drink tickets to someone else. Of course, everyone's questions was "Why aren't you drinking?" I just told them oh not tonight I had a long day of traveling. Then at the actual ceremony today, I just made sure that I met the rest of the wedding party at the church. That way, when the limo showed up after the ceremony to whisk everyone away off to the bar, I of course couldn't go because my car was there and just told them that I'd meet them at the reception. Again, just stuck to club soda and lime. Again, people asked "why aren't you drinking" and I just told them, I don't drink anymore. The funny part is when I said that I could tell it made people uncomfortable about their OWN drinking. I can't tell you how many times I heard something like "oh man, I don't think I could that. I think I'd get the shakes or something." Most of the wedding party was hung over this morning from the last night - but I wasn't. That felt real good. I left when I knew that things were starting to get out of hand - ie when the priest started buying the wedding party glasses of whiskey, with his comment "this is the only stuff I drink anymore. mixed drinks and beer I just throw back and before I know it, I've had too many." I looked around and at this point, everybody left was just there to get drunk - and I wasn't. As I was leaving, I was able to catch my friend and her new husband outside and I went to say goodbye and wish them well. She looked at me and all she said - "So....your not drinking anymore...is that forever?" The way she said it, it wasn't so much a question but a hope. When I told her yes, that I was done, I don't think that I have ever seen her smile like that before. I know I will never forget that look on her face - EVER! It's like she had been waiting for that for such a long time. There is no greater wedding gift I could have given her. As we chatted, there was excitement in her voice for me. I know that this was a good day and that there will be good and bad to follow, but with a lot of help and a lot of hard work, I'll get through them. I know the tough times are ahead. The lonely times when I'm by myself. I am seeking help and support, because I'll be damned if I'll take my wedding present back. I just wanted to say good night and thank you to everyone. I'm in this for the long haul. I'm going to go to sleep sober AND happy. It's been a long time. By the way, I never realized club soda and lime could be so tasty!

Rowan

You did the right thing, and I'm so proud of you.

CarolD

Wow!