I am new, scared, and humiliated
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 43
Thank you Krista,
And no, the doctor did not want to help.
The pharmacy called me about an hour after I called in the refill, advised me that the doctor canceled all the refills, (I had three), and that I had to contact the doctor if I needed more, which of course, I did.
I talked to two different nurses and I will say they were very kind but also said that the doctor would not reinstate my script because it could "get him into trouble." Whatever that means, but of course, it could be a blessing aside from the detoxing and the pain I am still having.
Had the script been refilled, the 30 pills woulda been gone by Friday I'm sure anyways. Even if he gave me 10 pills to "taper off" they'd have been gone by tomorrow morning. That is just how I am. I just love, and I mean LOVE the euphoric high. It makes my happy world even happier. You know? The fact that they take away the pain is just a "bonus" to me. Yes, I am an addict. A very fucntioning one at that as well.
As far as the pain, I am hanging in there with the OTC meds.
I am supposed to go back for a post op appointment in four weeks and I don't think I will after this happening. Not to mention ever going to that certain pharmacy again.
And no, the doctor did not want to help.
The pharmacy called me about an hour after I called in the refill, advised me that the doctor canceled all the refills, (I had three), and that I had to contact the doctor if I needed more, which of course, I did.
I talked to two different nurses and I will say they were very kind but also said that the doctor would not reinstate my script because it could "get him into trouble." Whatever that means, but of course, it could be a blessing aside from the detoxing and the pain I am still having.
Had the script been refilled, the 30 pills woulda been gone by Friday I'm sure anyways. Even if he gave me 10 pills to "taper off" they'd have been gone by tomorrow morning. That is just how I am. I just love, and I mean LOVE the euphoric high. It makes my happy world even happier. You know? The fact that they take away the pain is just a "bonus" to me. Yes, I am an addict. A very fucntioning one at that as well.
As far as the pain, I am hanging in there with the OTC meds.
I am supposed to go back for a post op appointment in four weeks and I don't think I will after this happening. Not to mention ever going to that certain pharmacy again.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 34
Amelia,
this could be a great opportunity for you. the physical pain can't kill you, but what I found most interesting in your opening statement was how you said the emotional pain was what really bothered you. take note of the emotions that come up now that your drug is down. if you can identify the emotions, and the memories that are connected to them, you can actually begin to uncover your real reason for becoming dependent on drugs. you mentioned humiliation and shame, so those must be important for you. are there others? talk to someone you can trust about all these feelings, but it must be someone who is healthy enough not to try to use your vulnerability towards their own motives. most likely you should choose a woman who is a little older and not in your immediate family. a woman who has recovered from a similar addiction and lives a healthy life now would be a great choice.
this could be a great opportunity for you. the physical pain can't kill you, but what I found most interesting in your opening statement was how you said the emotional pain was what really bothered you. take note of the emotions that come up now that your drug is down. if you can identify the emotions, and the memories that are connected to them, you can actually begin to uncover your real reason for becoming dependent on drugs. you mentioned humiliation and shame, so those must be important for you. are there others? talk to someone you can trust about all these feelings, but it must be someone who is healthy enough not to try to use your vulnerability towards their own motives. most likely you should choose a woman who is a little older and not in your immediate family. a woman who has recovered from a similar addiction and lives a healthy life now would be a great choice.
Seriously Fun!
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California coast
Posts: 415
Sending you love, and hope. Hang in there. It is so worth to get past this. We have all been there. I just came out of where you are right now, so it is still fresh in my mind. With time...with time...the pain will leave, and the sleep will come back naturally.
Don't be afraid to ask for medical help with this. If you are honest....they will listen.
Don't be afraid to ask for medical help with this. If you are honest....they will listen.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 43
Originally Posted by JohnPainter 
Amelia,
this could be a great opportunity for you. the physical pain can't kill you, but what I found most interesting in your opening statement was how you said the emotional pain was what really bothered you. take note of the emotions that come up now that your drug is down. if you can identify the emotions, and the memories that are connected to them, you can actually begin to uncover your real reason for becoming dependent on drugs. you mentioned humiliation and shame, so those must be important for you. are there others? talk to someone you can trust about all these feelings, but it must be someone who is healthy enough not to try to use your vulnerability towards their own motives. most likely you should choose a woman who is a little older and not in your immediate family. a woman who has recovered from a similar addiction and lives a healthy life now would be a great choice.
this could be a great opportunity for you. the physical pain can't kill you, but what I found most interesting in your opening statement was how you said the emotional pain was what really bothered you. take note of the emotions that come up now that your drug is down. if you can identify the emotions, and the memories that are connected to them, you can actually begin to uncover your real reason for becoming dependent on drugs. you mentioned humiliation and shame, so those must be important for you. are there others? talk to someone you can trust about all these feelings, but it must be someone who is healthy enough not to try to use your vulnerability towards their own motives. most likely you should choose a woman who is a little older and not in your immediate family. a woman who has recovered from a similar addiction and lives a healthy life now would be a great choice.
WOW. That is an excellent point JP.
Being strong and independent IS very important to me. I was a very insecure woman until I was 30.
As far as the pills, they don't take me away from reality, it is just the feeling I get from them I said before. Does that make sense? I don't know if it does. I don't know if there is something underlying the issue.
My dad is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober 10 years now and I am SO very proud of him. I personally haven't drank for years because I didn't want to fall into that cycle, but I did anyways, just with pills.
I am also a perfectionist in all I do. I guess today with being "called out" it made me feel, well, incredibly IMPERFECT.
I have known for years I have had an isuse with pills. I take them like candy when I have them, pain or no pain. As I said before, them taking away the physical pain for me is what the real bonus is, not vice versa.
This too shall pass. I will get through this.
I am going to keep reading and posting here. Everyone is so very supportive and caring and I am thankful I found this site.
I believe everything happens for a reason. For some reason, I was red flagged today and showed up here.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 34
Amelia,
Please believe me when I say I know what you're going through. There is ALWAYS an underlying issue. That is the whole point of recovery, but one that very few people actually get. You are admitting some very important things when you talk about shame, perfectionism, an alcoholic parent, etc. Keep digging. These things DO NOT simply pass if we don't make every effort possible on our part to get well. Stopping the dependent use and admitting we need help is the first step. However, in a vacuum where there is no real recovery, an addict will ALWAYS find something else to substitute for their addiction. Right now you have an opportunity to look at yourself and begin learning why you feel you need drugs to make you feel better. Something about you doesn't feel good all on its own. Only you can identify these issues, but you won't be able to do it all by yourself. A trustworthy, healthy individual with some insight into your life will help you in ways you can't help yourself.
Please believe me when I say I know what you're going through. There is ALWAYS an underlying issue. That is the whole point of recovery, but one that very few people actually get. You are admitting some very important things when you talk about shame, perfectionism, an alcoholic parent, etc. Keep digging. These things DO NOT simply pass if we don't make every effort possible on our part to get well. Stopping the dependent use and admitting we need help is the first step. However, in a vacuum where there is no real recovery, an addict will ALWAYS find something else to substitute for their addiction. Right now you have an opportunity to look at yourself and begin learning why you feel you need drugs to make you feel better. Something about you doesn't feel good all on its own. Only you can identify these issues, but you won't be able to do it all by yourself. A trustworthy, healthy individual with some insight into your life will help you in ways you can't help yourself.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
