my awaking and the pepper plant
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: hollywood florida
Posts: 153
my awaking and the pepper plant
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how i feel as i"m learning to love again as me .it took so much for me to see what was in front of me ...until i lost it all.to realize all i had was all i needed.the women i love, my two boys and yes even my ex-wife.there was everything i ever needed.in many ways it was my drinking way to much for one to handle and that is what brought out my anger.to take it out on everyone i love.was the worst thing i could ever do to anyone.to think i had it so bad.where i didnt.all i had to do is to look around and open my eyes and heart.if i would have done it sooner.it would"ve taken so much to get me where i am today.to see myself in that bed laying there helpless with **** and **** all over me .i thought i was dead.but to see myself for the first time.i saw what everyone was trying to tell me.to see that i was going to be alone,unhappy in everway and at this time i was.to make me realize what i have done to everone i love. i push them away.i should have never said the things i said to them or the things i did to them..i put them threw hell.to let them see me do it to myself,all because i drank and the pain of worry about work and where i was going to get money from or my next job..my boys the world is so bad in many ways for you two boys to grow up without a father .and i many ways . i thought i was doig the rigth thing.by being a hard ass to them, showing them that a little hard work.is good for a person to learn,but really .i was pushing them away.who wants a drunk for a father.and in the same way who would want a drunk as a lover.to let her see me try to kill myself.and to make her feel so bad about herself.to tell you the truth. i"m glad she did what she did .to push me into waking up to see and understand.how when and where it went wrong.the when and where is this.i always had to drink.the what .it didnt matter because it would take just any small thing to make me mad and want to drink more..now how can i as tlrgs live and understand. what i did.that is kind of hard because.i do not remember alot of it.it took sue and i to sit down and talk about what i had done to them and her..all i can ask for is to see if they have it in their hearts to for give me.i know it takes time.i will say one thing.for along time.i didnt believe there was a GOD.until the day i woke up and looked around .there were signs all around me..to see the cat friendlier.the pepper plant .i had planted last summer. it completly dead were alive again with flowers on it . and it was in october,we had christmas pepper and its still going strong.the ideal of just saying no and controlling my anger the best i can and thinking before i speak.to have sue back and my kids wanting to spent time with me they have even gone to a meeting with me.is the greatest gift of all .. we are getting marired and take the time to live one day at a time.what i want most of all is for them to open their eyes and see. that i can change not for them .but for myself first.i know it will take time . but am on the right path now.and i know there is a god . i am a better man for just taking that first step and admitting that i am an alcoholic and going to meetings.they really do help ....would love to hear your comments thanks.....TLRGS
__________________
best thing about the future it comes one day at a time
how i feel as i"m learning to love again as me .it took so much for me to see what was in front of me ...until i lost it all.to realize all i had was all i needed.the women i love, my two boys and yes even my ex-wife.there was everything i ever needed.in many ways it was my drinking way to much for one to handle and that is what brought out my anger.to take it out on everyone i love.was the worst thing i could ever do to anyone.to think i had it so bad.where i didnt.all i had to do is to look around and open my eyes and heart.if i would have done it sooner.it would"ve taken so much to get me where i am today.to see myself in that bed laying there helpless with **** and **** all over me .i thought i was dead.but to see myself for the first time.i saw what everyone was trying to tell me.to see that i was going to be alone,unhappy in everway and at this time i was.to make me realize what i have done to everone i love. i push them away.i should have never said the things i said to them or the things i did to them..i put them threw hell.to let them see me do it to myself,all because i drank and the pain of worry about work and where i was going to get money from or my next job..my boys the world is so bad in many ways for you two boys to grow up without a father .and i many ways . i thought i was doig the rigth thing.by being a hard ass to them, showing them that a little hard work.is good for a person to learn,but really .i was pushing them away.who wants a drunk for a father.and in the same way who would want a drunk as a lover.to let her see me try to kill myself.and to make her feel so bad about herself.to tell you the truth. i"m glad she did what she did .to push me into waking up to see and understand.how when and where it went wrong.the when and where is this.i always had to drink.the what .it didnt matter because it would take just any small thing to make me mad and want to drink more..now how can i as tlrgs live and understand. what i did.that is kind of hard because.i do not remember alot of it.it took sue and i to sit down and talk about what i had done to them and her..all i can ask for is to see if they have it in their hearts to for give me.i know it takes time.i will say one thing.for along time.i didnt believe there was a GOD.until the day i woke up and looked around .there were signs all around me..to see the cat friendlier.the pepper plant .i had planted last summer. it completly dead were alive again with flowers on it . and it was in october,we had christmas pepper and its still going strong.the ideal of just saying no and controlling my anger the best i can and thinking before i speak.to have sue back and my kids wanting to spent time with me they have even gone to a meeting with me.is the greatest gift of all .. we are getting marired and take the time to live one day at a time.what i want most of all is for them to open their eyes and see. that i can change not for them .but for myself first.i know it will take time . but am on the right path now.and i know there is a god . i am a better man for just taking that first step and admitting that i am an alcoholic and going to meetings.they really do help ....would love to hear your comments thanks.....TLRGS
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best thing about the future it comes one day at a time
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 353
Wow, what a story and what a statement! Good for you! I'm glad you are seeing things that you need to see and that things are turning around! I'm proud of you, and this inspires me! I have two little one's and my desire is to be a good sober father..
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
tlrgs I have walked the path you are walking now, I have experienced the joys you are now. It gets better my friend it gets better! It gets better even when you think "It can't get better then this!"
What has gotten you where you are at now is being willing to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober, following suggestions is one of those things. I hope you do not mind me making a few, some you may already be doing.
1. Get a sponsor.
2. Work the steps with him.
3. Get a service position.
4. Pray asking for nothing but the strength to do what your HP wishes you to do.
5. Follow suggestions.
6. Thoroughly follow our path.
What has gotten you where you are at now is being willing to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober, following suggestions is one of those things. I hope you do not mind me making a few, some you may already be doing.
1. Get a sponsor.
2. Work the steps with him.
3. Get a service position.
4. Pray asking for nothing but the strength to do what your HP wishes you to do.
5. Follow suggestions.
6. Thoroughly follow our path.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: hollywood florida
Posts: 153
thank you i do the aa meeting .. and the day of my awaking and now i have seen the light and come to understand that there is a high power and when i open the book and started reading . it was everything i started on my own from that first day. and i believe it not just what you read in books but what you do and how you learn and knowing you have the will power to make the change in your life ..
like the saying goes take what you need and leave the rest.
and make it work for yourself because in fact you have within yourself to do what ever you really want to do..
and again thank you for your replys..
i look forward learning and reading more on this site ..
peace , love and god bless
like the saying goes take what you need and leave the rest.
and make it work for yourself because in fact you have within yourself to do what ever you really want to do..
and again thank you for your replys..
i look forward learning and reading more on this site ..
peace , love and god bless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: hollywood florida
Posts: 153
i am really glad i found this site i have thought about drugs in a very long time .and dont really care to but reading some of the post here makes me think that i found the right place to fit in . and that i can read and learn from.
thank you all and dont give up .it does get better ..
peace ,love and god bless
thank you all and dont give up .it does get better ..
peace ,love and god bless
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
tlrgs,]
thanks for sharing. i have some similar events around my using. two boys, an ex-wife, a current girlfriend, and i've shoveled out a lot of hurt with my using and my abandonment of the people around me when I used.
keep sharing story. i'm looking forward to more
thanks for sharing. i have some similar events around my using. two boys, an ex-wife, a current girlfriend, and i've shoveled out a lot of hurt with my using and my abandonment of the people around me when I used.
keep sharing story. i'm looking forward to more
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